unsociable child

[papadad]

I am slightly concerned about my 5yr old'daughter's lack of willingness to play with other children. She's very self contained, for eg, at a party recently she went off by herself to do her own thing while games dancing took place. Was also noted at her nursery that she liked mostly to play by herself.
In most other aspects her development seems pretty normal or above average, though there were some problems with wetting at school last term which now seem to have finished.

She seems more comfortable with adults and is quite communicative with them. Are there any tips for getting her to be more interactive with her peers?
Or maybe I shld just accept that is way she is?

Does the school have any concerns? Do you have other children come round for play dates? That might help her. She's still young.

What happens at school (or elsewhere) when she has to interact with other children? If she is OK at that (for her age) then I wouldn't worry too much that she likes her own company when given a choice. But if she sems to find it difficult to get on with other children, then you may need to push her to practice it more - things like Brownies might help her to work in a team.

Has she always been like this? Mine was shy with new school friends and sooo exhausted in reception - he kind of went into himself. He didn't join in party games ever or sports day but by year 2 he had come out of his shell and seemed to have more energy.

tks for advice. the school hasn't raised concerns (I don't think her teacher has time to worry about things that aren't disruptive) and it's not as though she won't interact when she's in those situations where she has to. But she once told me that in the playground she just goes around on her own. So I think that without some help, she may find it hard to develop good friendships as she gets older. We do invite friends over sometimes, but think we should do so more. Brownies etc may be good idea too, when she's a bit older.

papa, she can start Rainbows at 5 if you don't want to wait for Brownies.

Ah, can anyone report any good/bad experiences with the rainbows/brownies? perhaps we'll try her at the local place.

Having looked up local venues they all seem to be in church halls. Is it religious at all?

Brownies/rainbows not really relitions, although God does feature a bit. I am an atheist, and quite a "militant" one and I managed to deal with it!

It does depend a bit on the leader though, some are much better than others, so you might need to ask around. I bet there are a few girls in her form who are Rainbows.

They are a bit "girly" usually, though, so if your dd is not a girly girl she may be happier as a Beaver (pre-Cubs).

My son has Asperger Syndrome and Beavers really helped him to mix with other children. He's now in Cubs, and its not quite so good there (due to different leaders), however he still goes and he still enjoys himself. Daughter went to brownies and had a great time. Can definitely recommend something like that.

My DD is also like that very much. But as you say the school doesn't notice, or have time to notice, behaviour that is not actually disruptive.

DD was terribly rude to a child we were looking after this week. I despair of her rudeness. Maybe it is like you say, they want the attention of one adult at a time so they can control the situation.

Also I was painfully shy as a child. I only wanted to read at break time, never played with other children. Sadly I have to report I only stopped being shy when I was 30. So, I can't really advise about helping her through school.

I supose a question to ask is "Is she happy?" Not everyone wants to be th centre of a social whirl. I wish I had realized this about my own dd - she loves being with her friends, but she also actively likes being in her own - and always has. I now realize that's a good thing - but I did worry about it when she was little

that's a good point. she does seem happy on her own and is not a recluse. being happy in your own company is a blessing i spose. But I think I'll give her as much opportunity to mix as possible and if she wants to, she will. any thoughts on alternative groups like woodcraft folk etc?

PDA? pls remind me...

Does she have siblings?

I only ask because I reached the age of five with no siblings, and I was often so baffled by other children - their loudness, silliness, fighting, squabbling ... childishness. I only wanted to be with adults, I didn't like other children until I found another little girl who had no siblings, and she seemed to understand the need to not be knocked over, or talked over, or dragged around by the arm being told "you're being the baby now!" by a massive 6 year old galoot of a girl.

I was less sociable than Ds1 is, and he has Aspergers!

What I'm trying to say is, only children are picky about their company - in fact, MANY children are picky about their company - and don't do well in huge groups of over excited (and as I saw them, ridiculously behaved) chldren. MAybe invite another quiet little girl for dinner?

Actually, she does have a younger brother, there's a two year gap. He is much more outgoing with other children. She gets on well with him when they aren't arguing, tho he tends to be the more assertive one.

I think you are right to say that she just isn't on the same wavelength as most of the children her age.

Tho she does talk about her school friends, writes them sweet cards etc, when it comes to actually playing with them, it doesn't really amount to much interaction.

I think my older brother's aspergers, and i'd hesitate to diagnose this in my dtr. She's actually fairly astute socially i think, just not interested.

Girls with Aspergers can be very different from boys with Aspergers - I was diagnosed only a couple of years ago, at the age of 42! As a child, I got on better with boys, they were less complicated!

Hmm, having read the PDA site, it does ring some bells. will think about looking further into it. dtr does get on well with boys now u come to mention it.