Phonecall from the school...

[Dexterrocks]

I have just been phoned by the school and asked to come in to speak to my ds class teacher and his headteacher about his behaviour.
It seems he has been intimidating the other pupils by:
a) Inviting them to fight him if they want to join the line
b) Telling them he will die if they don't do what he asks them to
c) Scribbling on their drawings.

The headteacher has said he has been very sneaky and done all of these things when the teacher hasn't seen it and that he won't admit to having done them. She also said that parents have complained about his behaviour towards other pupils.

I have to admit I am stunned. This is the first I have heard of any of it. I believe that last two accusations but inviting people to fight him is not behaviour I can picture from him. The boys in his year group are very physical and he actively avoids many of them because of this.
I am also suspicious that not one of these incidents has been witnessed. He is only 6 and not that bright so how has he managed to keep all of it hidden. That said he must have done at least some of it.
Added to this, we live in a small village and now I don't know who I can look in the eye in the playground and who has been up at the school complaining about my child.
Aaarrrrgggghhhhh!
We are going to speak to the teacher and the head after school tomorrow.

I am wondering now how to deal with this with my ds today and tomorrow after we have had a proper chat. Any suggestions?

Sorry it is soooo long - bit upset!

Awww...you must be upset. And particulary the small village thing where you don't know who has said what.

When you say 'proper chat' - is that with DS, and what are you going to say? If I were you I would say very little to him but just chat generally about school and does anyone fight, etc to see what you can learn. If he knows school has been in touch he may clam up...

Good luck! Hope it resolves quickly.

I could have written this thread OP.
My DS now 8 and has had similar behavioural probs for quite some time now. AND it's a small village so tend to walk in school gates with head down IYSWIM.
Head phoned us after school today to tell us that DS has been 'bad' again. He has been excluded from school tommorrow (same day as class party), and has been banned from school xmas disco party this evening.
Wish I could offer advice, but I am like a ceflated balloon ATM trying to discipline and also console a crying child.

sorry...DEflated balloon.

garrow I feel your pain - poor kid and poor you.
I know that "bad" behaviour has to be tackled but seriously - turns out he scribbled on one drawing, was told off and has already apologised. He told one friend that if he did x too much he would die. And it seems he was playing a game about asking them to fight him and the bell went. Not nice behaviour, any of it but really, surely a wee chat would have been enough.

What we both need is Nanny McPhee...or more understaning head teachers haha

Our headteacher is a total muppet so it will have to be Nanny McPhee for us...

Listen, if your child's teacher is telling you she has not witnessed any of the alleged behaviour then clearly she is not paying enough attention in class.

I'm sorry, but if your child is not behaving like this elsewhere he is only doing so because he can get away with it (if its as bad as they say).

When you put your child in the care of a teacher in a classroom it becomes their responsibility to set boundaries and establish what is and is not acceptable in their class.

This is not your fault. Ask them what THEY are going to do about it.

Goodness me. I'm sorry to rant on but I feel they are letting you, your child and every other child involved down.

I had a very similar situation not long ago. A bit different to us because we are a military family and had just moved, but is it just me or are the teachers and headmasters just passing the buck onto families to discipline children for something they did in school now? I was so sick of it I told the headteacher that if he doesn't start disciplining my child in school I would complain to ofsted. Suprise suprise after they started giving him firm boundaries he started behaving.

I would ask the school how they are planning to support him in changing his behaviour.

Is he on School Action/School action Plus?

Is playing a 'game' where he invited the other children to fight, and scribbling on one drawing and saying that if a friend did X too much he would die (rather than, if you touch me I will die etc) your son's version of events? Or has the teacher got this from the other children? Because, having denied it completely to the teacher I wouldn't be any too certain of the truthfulness of what your son is telling you (yet). He has already shown you that he IS capable of doing stuff you didn't think him capable of.

Not saying he needs to be demonised, but find out what the school are going to do and what they think you should do to back them up, and then do it. If they are crap THEN blame them, rather than blaming the teacher for not seeing your son doing stuff. It is not the teacher who has drawn on other kids' work, it is your son. (I know you didn't blame the teacher etc but another poster has and I think it is an incredibly unhelpful attitude unless there is proven rubbish supervision or a crappy attitude from them).

I cannot believe that the school are talking about a 6 year old FGS! It seems they have "demonised" him at such a young age. Why hasn't his class teacher called you in for a chat about your little boy,, rather than this high handedness - phone call from the head.

You must be careful however not to be defensive (though as his mum you won't be able to help yourself) - listen to what theyhave to say - I would point out that they are using very negative word sneaky is no way to describe a 6 yr old and in my view it is unprofesional, and of course children are naughty when the teacher isn't looking.

Try to work out a plan for the school and you to help support your child - seems to me they are completely over reacting. Let us know how you get on. If you are not satisfied with the meeting, tell the head you intent to write to the chair of Governors and ask for his/her name and address.

This may be the end of it so I wouldn't worry too much. Ds at 6 yo was hauled before the deputy head (3 headed dog from harry potter look-a-likee) and she gave him good cop/bad cop until he cried and said he had lied about a yr 6 bullying him. The yr 6 had spun him around by his coat amongst other things BUT it was not witnessed by any adult so all the Yr 6's mates backed him up and ds's mate crumbled under duress. I was called in and told ds had wasted everyone's time and told lies to get a child in trouble (this child is a notorious bully). Ds has been in no more 'trouble' since and I have little respect for how it was handled. I drew a line under it but will be less likely to take the school's side in future.

Problems that happen in school time the school has to deal with. You can only play a supporting part.

I know what you mean about parental gossip in small communities, though -- we've had to deal with some annoying...er fallout from that.