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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Interfering stranger when I reprimanded my DS at Post Office

71 replies

namechange100 · 14/12/2010 14:23

This has been bugging me and I don't know why

At the counter of the Post Office I was being served whilst sending a large parcel. My DS interupted to say he had put his rubbish in the bin. I sharply said to him 'No wait - I am talking to the lady'

The elderly lady next to me tapped me on the arm and said he was only trying to tell you he has put the rubbish.... I said 'yes but he shouldn't interrupt' DH and I are constantly trying to impress this upon him as we consider it rude and in time we expect him to learn this as he is only 5 and know that this is normal for a chuild his age.

Incidentally there was a mistake with the postcode which needed correcting.

When I finished she said again her was only trying to tell you, he's a good little boy.

I didnt tell him off as such but her comments made me feel guilty and then very self conscious as there was a que and I thought did I look like some sort of monster mummy.

I said to DS on way out of shop, now tell mummy what it was and he couldnt remember!

Whats so wrong with reprimanding and trying to instill good manners, its like she felt sorry for him.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

booyhohoho · 14/12/2010 14:24

well you interrupted both your son and the elderly lady so not really setting a good example of what you are trying to teach him.

MemooMerrilyOnHigh · 14/12/2010 14:25

I think you did the right thing. I hate it when children interupt an adult conversation.

booyhohoho · 14/12/2010 14:25

tbh it sounds like you came across as bad tempered rather than teaching him manners.

KERALA1 · 14/12/2010 14:27

Sorry but am with you. Its good to teach children not to interrupt and is 5 so old enough to be taught this. And you know what if you had stopped everything and listened another group of people would have thought you were a substandard mother for NOT teaching him not to interrupt. So basically as a parent you cannot win.

nickytwotimes · 14/12/2010 14:28

yanbu

ChippingIn · 14/12/2010 14:28

There wasn't anything wrong with what you did/said. It is great that you are teaching him not to interrupt (I wish more parents would do the same!) :)

However, when the child isn't with you, you see them in a different light, you think 'Awwww he was being so good/cute and just telling you something nice' Naughty Mummy snapping at him like that!!

I think I would have snapped at her too though and said - 'It is rude to interrupt unless it's life and death, him putting rubbish in the bin is not life and death and I am trying to teach him not to interrupt as it is bad manners ' with a good glare!!

Heroine · 14/12/2010 14:30

he wanted an immediate reward for something well done a smile would have done it you are mistaking discipline as only consisting of remonstrating he couldn't remember shows that rewards like this must be immediate -welcome to son will drop his litter and say that no-one cares anyway

ShatnersBassoon · 14/12/2010 14:30

Sometimes you have to bend your own rules, so you don't look like an angry nutter.

He'd done a good thing, and was trying to let you know before his moment of glory disappeared. Perhaps a quick 'very good, well done, now shush while I sort this out' would have seemed kinder to the people waiting behind you.

LeakMyWiki · 14/12/2010 14:32

She prob did feel sorry for him, if you were sharp with him, when he was only being good, if excitably so. Personally, I think it would have been quicker to say, did you, well done!

Spidermama · 14/12/2010 14:34

What shatners said.

Clearly he was proud of himself and wanted to show you what a good boy he was by putting something in the bin and in his enthusiasm he forgot the no interupting rule.

LtEveDallas · 14/12/2010 14:35

Agree with ShatnersBasson.

DD is a bugger for interrupting, or rather was. I always corrected her with a "Thank you, now wait a second till Ive finished talking" and as soon as I stopped would say "Thank you DD, now hwat was it you wanted" - I wouldnt have made her wait any longer.

I just think your way was a little too sharp, and if you made him wait until you were out of the shop of course he had forgotten!

Heroine · 14/12/2010 14:36

Also having a cold mother who sees children as nuisances until they are old enough to be adults will do no good at all. It may have been a really big thing for your son to have got the courage to put something in the bin with lots of adults watching his every move - snapping back at adults who have different opinions to your will teach your children to shout and scream when they are corrected or challenged. Being a parent is equally about growing up yourself as it is helping your children to do the same - teaching children that the world is full of adults who shout at each other all day (and then perhaps rewarding that view with Eastenders) is problematic.

A better response to the old lady would have been 'sorry I'm a bit all over the place today' then a pat or a smile at your son to say well done, then a finger on the lips as you turn back to the transaction

Original poster

namechange100 · 14/12/2010 14:36

booy you are joking right? re first post.

Thanks I feel I did the right the thing but someone else made me feel as if I hadnt.

I would feel worse if in a few years when he is say 10 that he interupts me when I am doing something like that and people stared that he was given undivided attention on demand.

OP posts:

Crazycatlady · 14/12/2010 14:38

If I had been in your shoes I know the main thing that would have bugged me would have been another adult feeling they could publicly comment on my parenting skills.

YANBU to feel a little crushed by that. However, you say the lady was elderly? In her parenting days it was perhaps more common that children were 'parented' and guided by the wider community so she may not have realised her comment was unwanted. She probably thought she was being helpful rather than interfering.

AliGrylls · 14/12/2010 14:38

I agree with you. If you don't start lessons early on then they grow into adults with really bad habits.

The sort of thing you describe really annoys me. It is the parent's decision what they do with their child not anyone else's.

BlueberryPancake · 14/12/2010 14:39

Strangly enough I went to the post office today and an old lady had a go at me because 'my' baby had a dummy (it's not my baby, I was looking after a friend's little girl). I just think that elderly women sometimes have a tendancy to comment on children and how to look after them. She said to me 'well MY children NEVER needed a dummy blah blah blah'. And another old lady had a go at a friend because she had a Phil & Ted double buggy!!

I also try to get my 5 year old not to interrupt but it's hard!

Heroine · 14/12/2010 14:40

ooh but I do agree that we all lose it at times - ideals are all very well. One way to look at it is to be pleased that people are looking out for you and your children and are prepared to get involved. My DH saw a child running away from his dad right next to a busy main road, and no-one did anything for fear of being seen as 'interfering' he held out a piece of paper and said 'take this take this' to the boy who stopped confused and then ran back to his dad who was really having a bad time of it. Personally a bit of annoyance at people blocking your train of thought is worth the inconvenience to know that some people are really trying to help (even if they don't always get it right).

thisisyesterday · 14/12/2010 14:41

agree with shatners.

he did something good, he wanted to tell you. what is so awful about saying "that's good, but remember i am just talking to someone else, so try not to interrupt"

you can teach him not to interrupt without being totally intolerant.

I used to live with a misery of a mother who never let me "interrupt" unless SHE felt it was important enough. It isn't very nice being made to feel like the thing you're really pleased about isn't worth letting your mother know

mumbar · 14/12/2010 14:41

I agree that he's proud of him self for putting the rubbish in the bin, but.........he's 5yo and so should be doing that as par of the course not just for praise.

I also hate people interupting and am still trying to instill this in my DS.

I tell DS if it was that important he'd remember it and wait.

booyhohoho · 14/12/2010 14:43

no I'm not joking. you interupted both of them mid-sentance. the very lesson you were trying to teach was not to interrupt. double standards.

OhLittleTownOfShirley · 14/12/2010 14:45

yy to thisisyesterday.

A quick turn to DS and a "good lad, now wait a sec while I talk to the lady" and all would be well.

The elderly lady was just trying to be part of the Big Society

Original poster

namechange100 · 14/12/2010 14:45

Thanks Shatners and dallas yes this exactly what we say but in this occasion my concentration to get correct details of post office clerk was the priority.

Heroine

I am not a 'cold mother' and certainly do not see my child as a nuisance
No one shouted
I was not rude to the elderly lady

and I wasn't 'all over the place' posting accurately not accepting bad manners.

OP posts:

RockinRobinBird · 14/12/2010 14:50

I can see what you're trying to do and it's something I will teach dd in time but I don't think you particularly went the best way about it. To the woman it probably looked like you were snapping at him although still none of her business.

iPaddle · 14/12/2010 14:53

Teaching not to interrupt - v good.

Being unable to be flexible sometimes (when ds has done something good and is proud of himself and, being 5yo, wants to share with you straight away so you can praise him) - not so good.

Lighten up a bit.

Spidermama · 14/12/2010 14:56

Five year olds live very much in the moment. They know if they don't get to say their thing now they never will.

I think you have to balance your needs with theirs being mindful of this fact.

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