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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

8 month old miserable around mummy!

13 replies

dolster · 14/12/2010 11:26

I started back at work a couple of months ago and it was all very smooth but in the last week or so DD has been really upset when I get home. She's always been quite independent and happy to play alone, and is fine on Fridays and on the weekends when we spend all our time together.

As soon as I get home from work though, it's like she's really anxious and a bit wired. If DH tries to cuddle her, she screams. She just wants mummy but even then she's very fractious and doesn't seem herself. According to her childminder she is fine during the day. Is this normal? It's really upsetting to see her so anxious and unsettled!

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wannabeglam · 14/12/2010 12:48

I think that behaviour shows she's not so fine with being away from you while you're at work as you had hoped. Children suffering from separation anxiety are often fine at the childminder's, but play up with mum at the end of the day. I don't know how you deal with that - hopefully someone else will have overcome the same situation. She's also at the age when separation anxiety sets in.

You see it in dogs too. When my mum went into hospital the dog didn't 'talk' to her for a week after her return.

My friend's son is still doing it aged 8. Having said that she has a very high powered job and is away alot, and the childcare is quite higgledy piggledy (and dad's not around much - divorced).

Maybe working 3 instead of 4 days might help if that's feasible.

Original poster

dolster · 14/12/2010 13:43

Oh dear - I feel so awful about this. I can't work any less than 4 days, I was lucky to get 4. I spend two hours with her in the morning before work and two hours in the evening before bed so I do see her on work days but I guess that she's just beginning to clock that i'm leaving her. Oh dear, feel like a bad mummy!

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Bobby99 · 14/12/2010 19:46

What time does she go to bed? I was reading Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child the other day, and he mentioned that some mums who work try to fit some quality time in with their little ones at the end of the day, but it goes wrong because the baby really needs to be in bed. Then the baby gets cranky and overtired. My DD was in bed by 6.30 - 7pm at that age and slept through til 7.30am. If I kept her up later than that she turned into a little demon... Just a thought.

Igglystuffedfullofturkey · 14/12/2010 19:51

DS is like this when I get home from work (he's 14 months). he is getting better though - but I think it was a combination of being tired (his nanny does a lot more with him than I do), being hungry for bedtime milk (so we've made his tea a bit later), missing me and he was ill too.

Now he's less clingy as he's getting used to it as we've moved his naps and bedtime a bit later but he does the "ignoring" me thing when I get home - wont look at me for a bit and wont cuddle either! I get the sense he's annoyed with me, poor thing. So I try and give more cuddles and lots of play together when I am home.

Igglystuffedfullofturkey · 14/12/2010 19:52

Also I put him to bed quite quickly once I get home from work as he was so tired!!

Original poster

dolster · 15/12/2010 10:45

Thanks Bobby and Iggly - she's in bed and asleep by 7.30 and sleeps through until 6.30am-ish, sometimes a bit later. Maybe I should make her bedtime a bit earlier - although slightly scared about her waking up earlier! I suppose it must be quite overwhelming for little ones to be transferred from childminder/nanny to mum and dad at that time in the day, especially because, like you say Iggly, she has very busy, activity-filled days.

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Igglystuffedfullofturkey · 15/12/2010 14:14

You could put her to bed just 15/20 mins early or make it low key by skipping most of the routine? Sometimes I didn't bother with a bath, DS just wanted a feed, cuddle then sleep!

wannabeglam · 15/12/2010 23:09

I found with mine that putting them to bed earlier made them sleep longer in the mornings, so give it a go.

If you wanted to do 3 days, I think your company has to have a very good reason not to let you. In fact from friends' experiences, it's usually harder to get 4 days, as the company finds it hard to arrange a job share of 4/1 compared to 3/2 days.

Please don't feel like a bad mum - your concern shows what a good mum you are.

ThisIsYourSong · 15/12/2010 23:39

I am SAHM to twins, nearly 14mo. One is a lot more clingy, the other not so much (although has just started his first clingy patch).

Anyway, DT1 went through a very clingy phase recently and would burst into tears often when I entered the room (or left the room). This is the second phase of clingyness he's had - and the worst of the two!

I have a girl who comes one day a week so I can get some stuff done, go to appointments etc and we also both spend time with them together, so I am around during the day, then we go out to Gymboree in the afternoon together. If she was looking after them for even an hour he would be fine the whole time I was gone (he has loads of fun with her), and burst into tears when I returned. He has rejected Daddy quite a few times too!

So not to negate any of the responses/advice you have been given on here I just wanted to let you know that its not necessarily down to you going to work, there's a fair chance it would have happened anyway.

We've just come out the other side now and he's right back to his confident self. Just give lots of cuddles and let your DD know you are there for her. Hope this helps

Original poster

dolster · 16/12/2010 22:03

thanks so much everyone - she's still getting quite upset when she sees me in the evenings - tried putting her to bed a bit earlier today so we'll see how that goes.

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tryingtoleave · 17/12/2010 01:50

She's probably worn out and anxious after a long day. When my dd started childcare at 20 months she would blank me when I came to pick her up. It only lasted a couple of weeks and I was very happy when it stopped because I thought it showed she had settled in.

Igglystuffedfullofturkey · 17/12/2010 07:01

dolster it took 4 weeks for DS to settle. But when he got ill, he reverted back to being clingy. Does she have a cold or something coming on?

Other thought is whether she's happy with the CM - how is she getting on with the other kids? Is she napping ok? Is she ok when you drop off?

Original poster

dolster · 17/12/2010 17:48

Iggly, she's been with the nanny for two months and adores her and the other baby she shares her with. She has a good day nap routine, which she sticks to with the nanny. They are at our house at the moment so I leave quietly in the morning but it's in the evening, when I come home, that she gets upset. Since last week, before that she was fine. She has cut her first two teeth in the last week and also seems to be getting very frustrated about not being mobile. I guess these things could be contributing to the crankiness and clinginess...

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