6yr old violent tantrums at bedtime

[scotterrier]

this is my first time on the site - at the end of my tether.... my 6yr old daughter is throwing violent tantrums because she doesnt' want to go to bed at night - this has been going on for 2 years since her father and I split up - I have tried everything I can think of from supernanny to restraint to star charts (which I stuck to rigedly) - it's wearing me out and I dread night time - her sister is 7 and is no problem at all. Has anyone had anything similar? and how did they deal with it? My ex is no help - apparently she's an angel with him...am black and blue most of the time

What does she say about why it is happening? Can she explain it to you at all?

Have you asked her during the day what she wants to happen? Then maybe you can agree a plan?

Is she going to bed too late?

My instinct says she needs a clear plan/boundaries of what will happen. And lots of cuddles and kisses and reassurance...

thanks for the advice - she and her sister go to bed at 7.30 so not too late - she tells me that she wants to stay up later with me (which I do understand) and her sister does too - but when I say it's not possible her sister accepts it, but DD2 doesn't and that's when the tantrum starts. I do give cuddles and kisses constantly - but think I must be missing something somewhere....perhaps being clearer would help - not sure when I ask for help from outside or who I turn to - the school?

do you think she is missing having 1-2-1 time with you?

do you think she is just feeling insecure and wants more YOU?

can you agree that on the weekends you and her get some special time up late to read stories/whatever?

Following on from thisisyesterday's idea. Could you alternate one going to bed at 7 and one at 7.30 each night? and marking on a calendar 'whose' night it is?

Is she worried you won't be there in the morning? There seems to be a link between you not being there (in the same room) and Daddy not being there (in a different house)