lack of enthusiasm/laziness

[fattybum]

ds1, who is 4.6, seems lazy compared to others and its really gets me down. If we go to the park and we get to a hill, he wants me to hold his hand so i can kind off drag him up! The other day we had been walking for about 10 mins when he wanted a sit down cos he was tired. He sleeps and eats well. He often wont try things eg tricky climbing frames because they are too hard according to him. I dont expect him to be the best at everything, but i just wish he would try a bit harder and have more enthusiasm. I cant tell if its laziness or lack of confidence. Even things like getting himself dressed he will only recently do. Sometimes ds2, who is 2, is more capable, and will certainly try harder. He is also always asking for food even when not hungry. I really have to watch what he eats. Does anyone have a child like this? How can i encourage him to be brave/more adventurous? I end up getting quite angry with him which probably doesnt help!

I have a neice and nephew like this. They have dyspraxia (was known as clumsy child syndrome). They are always hungry and have no energy and won't try. They were let off for years, so I think it's worth persevering with him, but maybe get him checked out? Does he have a lack of energy generally?

I have a friend whose child is like this as well but has no 'syndrome'. She always encourages him to try, to be brave etc. He suddenly changed when he was 5.5 and became very boisterous and up for things. I think it might help if you take him out with someone he looks up to and might want to copy.

I also have a DS who is like this and he also has dyspraxia. They find everything much more effort than the average child because they have to work so much harder. What comes automatically to a lot of children doesn't come automatically to dyspraxic children.

My DS is 10 now and doesn't really bother with climbing frames any more but I used to have to physically move his feet for him to climb up as he couldn't do it himself. Once I had done it a few times and he knew how it felt he was OK but he could not work it out for himself.

How are your DS's fine motor skills? Handwriting and that sort of thing (if he is at school which I assume he is at 4.6)

DS also ended up at a physio as he complained of aching legs and feet. It turned out his gait was slightly off, partly due to a growth spurt, but having the right sort of shoes helped.

It might be worth a word with his teachers to see how he is at school as a starting point and then take it from there if they think he has a particular problem.

Of course there might be nothing wrong but lack of confidence so sometimes you have to force them to do things beyond their comfort zone. DS's OT also said that the only way not to be worn out by things is to keep doing them and getting fitter, so gently pushing him to go a little bit further than he has gone before will eventually yield improvement but it won't be quick.

I went to a fabulous course on Wednesday about creating Sensory Diets for children and it is possible that your ds1 is a Sensory Under-Responder. These kids are often thought of as lazy but in reality it is just really, really hard for them to get going. Some good information here and really worth looking into.

Thanks everyone. I've had a look at the dyspraxia website, and I don't think he has it. He can ride a bike without stabilisers, now he has got the hang of dressing himself can do it pretty quickly and does quite good drawing. His speech is great too. Is it possible to have a disorder when he can do all these things? his writing isn't great, but he has only just started reception and his teacher says that he is doing fine. I do wonder if it is just a combination of laziness and lack of confidence. It's hard to know how to deal with that though!

You can have a disorder without all the symptoms. Dyspraxia used to be called Clumsy Child Syndrome because the stereotypical dyspraxic tripped up a lot and dropped things. My DS doesn't really do that but he has very poor coordination and can't coordinate the two sides of his body easily so can't ride a bike or tie shoelaces or anything that requires both sides of his body to work together.

Having said that, I don't reckon your DS has dyspraxia by the sounds of it but maybe a confidence problem? My DS2 is a tiny bit like that. He didn't believe he could do things - maybe because he had seen his older brother struggle, I don't know. He has to be cajoled. I wouldn't call him lazy though. Once he has the confidence is more than happy to do it and it usually pretty competent.

Have the school said anything to you? Do they have any concerns about his activity levels? And just as a matter of interest, did he stay in his pushchair quite late? DS2 had to be thrown out of his pushchair at about 4yrs and I always though that was more confidence than laziness. He felt safe in the pushchair.

he had to come out of his pushchair at 3 because of ds2, but he'd still be in it now if he had the choice. He also loves swimming and will mess about in the water for ages. He just gives up easily. If something doesnt work first time, he'll lose his temper or get upset. He just seems to have a bit of a negative personality.

He does say things like stupid me and i cant do anything.

I would really urge you to at least fill out a Sensory Checklist. If this is the underlying issue he is at the perfect age to start Occupational Therapy for it. This might make a huge difference for him and for you.

My son was like this; so I started to make a real effort to praise him for trying hard, not for achievement, and I think it's made a big difference. He is a perfectionist, and if he thought he wouldn't be able'to do something perfectly first time he wouldn't attempt it. But since concentrating on his attempts rather than the results, he's happy to try most things. And we've also talked alot about 'practice' and to remind him that it often takes a lot of practice to master a skill, like riding a bike, and he's taken that on board.

I always say to DS1 that I don't care if he can't do things so long as he has a good try. He used to give up very easily, often before he had even had a go, but I do find now that he is a bit more tenacious now and doesn't give in so easily, at least not on things he wants to do. It is a very slow process though.

Flowergarden1 - My DS2 is also a perfectionist who won't try something unless he knows he can do it. The shame of it is that he is very able and constantly underestimates himself. I hope one day he will wake up to his abilities and then there will probably be no stopping him!!

Both of them lack confidence in different ways.

Jabberwocky - my dyspraxic DS is both over and under sensitive -is that normal? (haven't had time to read the whole website so apologies if the answer is obvious).

That is actually a very good question! Yes, most children will tick both areas as they don't fall nicely into one category. The important thing is to first look at which area mostly describes your child and then keep in mind the situations that produce the opposite effect. It is a lot of information to take in but sooooo worth it. My son is a Sensory Seeker. We have been working with him for 3 years now and a lot of his issues have been solved through neuro-rewiring as a result of therapy. This is why it's important to start as young as possible. There are still things that I try to deal with in ways that will work better for him and the way his system processes input neurologically.