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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Early Sexual awareness? Too Taboo?

16 replies

odo · 27/09/2005 11:20

I know many of you will say it is too early to be a true sexual reponse, but my nearly 3 year old appears to be exhibiting real signs of sexual arousal that leaves me feeling quite disturbed but also unable to talk to anyone face to face. I have been quite carefull about my own nudity, but as soon as I get in or out of the showever etc he is there trying to get a better look, but what wories me is, that this is accompanied by him arousing himself and then almost trying to rub against me - he share a bath with his younger sister and again he has tried' poking' her with his little upright memeber - is this normal or am i right to be concerned and if so what do i do?

OP posts:

Enid · 27/09/2005 11:21

just to ask, have you changed your name odo or are you a new poster?

Original poster

odo · 27/09/2005 11:26

alas, not a new poster

OP posts:

Enid · 27/09/2005 11:29

I think if it concerns you then you are right to be concerned IYSWIM.

no advice though, sorry.

Original poster

odo · 27/09/2005 11:29

Sorry Enid - I do not use this very much, so thought you were referring to some ad campaign (!!) , now realise what you meant - I have asked once before about milk dependency ( about 18 months ago)

OP posts:

RTKangaMummy · 27/09/2005 11:47

Has he been left anywhere like nursery or childminder or sleepovers with anyone?

Have you had anyone staying with you or babysitters etc?

Little boys do play with themselves and is quite normal

Original poster

odo · 27/09/2005 11:51

He goes to nursery and has done so sonce 6 months - my problem is trying to decide if this is just nornal playing ( fine) or something else -
I have nothing on which to judge, and you smply can not ask....

OP posts:

RTKangaMummy · 27/09/2005 11:56

IMHO it is a little bit too much

I can't think of how he would have learnt what to do with his willie iyswim

To play with his willie -- fine

but it seems that someone has shown him more than that

esp if he is only 3 years old

RTKangaMummy · 27/09/2005 12:01

In this house we are naked in front of each other quite openly {DS is 10 years} and I have never seen this kind of behaviour from him playing with himself obviuosly yes when he was 3 as soon as you take a nappy off a little boy they make a beeline for it

Roobie · 27/09/2005 12:37

I think boys play with themselves from a very young age as they discover that it feels pleasant to have a bit of a fiddle - nothing sexual just sensory pleasure. However, if your ds is attempting to simulate actual sex then I would be a bit worried as to where he has picked this up - when you say 'poking' your dd do you mean in the arm etc (in which case it could just be an extension of fiddling about with himself) or do you mean in the genital area?

I think he is too young for a genuine sexual response as you say, but I might be seeking to ascertain whether he is copying something he has seen.

NotQuiteCockney · 27/09/2005 12:40

Hm, my DS1 (4) doesn't seem interested in nudity (we're relaxed about it in our house), but he certainly plays with his willy lots. And I've found him rubbing himself (clothed) against bits of me, a couple of times, but I don't think he was even aware he was doing it, IYSWIM.

A friend's 4-year-old apparently did try to poke his younger sister, much to her surprise (the mums, I mean, I think the sister was surprised too though). I don't think there's anything going on there, at least he seems generally happy, and isn't really ever in the care of anyone other than his mum and dad.

Nightynight · 27/09/2005 12:47

odo
this is perfectly normal. my ds's did it at this age, and it wasnt considered to be anything weird in their country. It has nothing do to with if they see nudity around them or not - I think it's just an excess of hormones!
in the UK people often dont seem to want to admit that it exists though.

RTKangaMummy · 27/09/2005 12:55

I am sorry I was thinking you meant DS was trying to poke her in her genitile area with his willie -- like having sex with her

I didn't think you meant in her arm or foot etc

If not in a sexual way then think it is fine

Original poster

odo · 27/09/2005 12:55

nightynight - that is very reaauring - my upbringing was very 'prude' so perhaps what my sense of normal is somewhat influenced by a very non nudy childhood!
Also good to know he is not the only litle chap who has tried to 'poke' his sister...

OP posts:

RTKangaMummy · 27/09/2005 13:02

sorry for being dim here but why would a rush of hormones at 3 years old

make a toddler think about sex

How would they know where to 'poke' ???

I agree with the mastabation bit but not the sex bit

if it is just poking anywhere then ok but why woould a toddler think about poking into the genitals of another child ???

harpsichordcarrier · 27/09/2005 13:07

sounds really normal IME. a mixture of perfectly natural curiousity and the fact that it feels, well, nice. it is taboo but that doesn't mean it isn't normal. I would try not to make a big deal out of it, if you can, while setting the boundaries.
HTH

Roxswood · 27/09/2005 16:41

I think its totally normal and rubbing against you or his sister is just an extension of the experimentation of learning about his body.
You can gently explain that maybe he would like to touch himself when he's alone, and that sometimes other people don't want you rubbing against them but it is a normal healthy behaviour in my opinion.

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