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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Son told off today and name written on board for wriggling

26 replies

mum2twins · 26/09/2005 19:21

Obviously I dont know the whole story but he was told off for not sitting still during two lessons - he has been in school 2 weeks and is nearly 4 and a half. His name was written on a board as a naughtly example. Would he really be the only one at that age that wouldnt be able to do it. Also as soon as I picked him up at lunchtime he crouched down on the floor saying he needed to go to the toilet and had tummyache. Maybe this was the reason, don't the teachers ask or do they just expect them to be able to say??

OP posts:

Gobbledigook · 26/09/2005 19:32

It sounds very harsh to me for a new reception child of 4.5 yrs old (my ds is in the same position right now and I'd be really upset about this).

I would ask the teacher about the system she is using - not in a negative way but just in an 'I'm interested to know how it's handled' way.

homemama · 26/09/2005 19:34

IME, most reception age children wriggle.
I would also say that most reception children are allowed to go to the toilet whenever they need to but that, yes, they usually need to ask. Again, IME, if you went around asking 4 or 5yr olds if they needed to go, they would all, always say yes whether they needed to or not.
If you're worried why don't you ask his teacher. Hope it hasn't put him off school.

happymerryberries · 26/09/2005 19:35

I would ask if this is the first responce to 'unwanted' behaviours.

In the school my two go to, there are a series of sanctions that lead up to 'name on the board'.

Caligula · 26/09/2005 19:35

My DS wouldn't say yes. He invariably says no, even when he's dancing around holding his willy and it's obvious he needs to go.

Very harsh.

WideWebWitch · 26/09/2005 19:35

Oh fgs, this is too harsh for a four year old. Poor him. Be careful though, what they report and what actually happened might be v different things!

Majorca · 26/09/2005 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Caligula · 26/09/2005 19:52

Yes - it may have been a specific type of wriggling - like being a caterpillar after he'd been told three times it wasn't caterpillar time!

Original poster

mum2twins · 26/09/2005 20:39

He has started with a cold today and was saying he was tired this morning - apparently he was asked several times to stop lying down and sit up when they were sitting on the floor. He was put up on the board last week because he would kept wandering around when he should have been getting dressed (independently) after PE. It turned out he was looking for his shorts that some other boy had put on and when I arrived to pick him up he was sat in his pants crying as he knew the unnamed pair he was left with were not his. His were returned the following day. It just makes me think both occasions weren't particularly his fault. I am just surprised how strict school seems to be at this age.

OP posts:

starlover · 26/09/2005 20:43

i must be the only one who doesn't think it is harsh!
it's just a name on a board! it isn't like they caned him

I think they do need to be strict... if you have one lying down instead of sitting nicely then you end up with a whole class of them doing it. He had warnings and then had his name put up...

also don't thinkt here is anyhting wrong with them dressing themselves independently afyter pe, although when asked why he was walking around he could have said he couldn't find his shorts!

gigglinggoblin · 26/09/2005 20:47

some kids are more sensitive than others. ds2 was a bouncer (so much so he was nicknamed tigger by his teacher) and had his name on the board most days. he didnt like it at all, but he didnt sit crying over it. one day he came home and said 'mummy, i was good today and my name didnt go on the board. im going to be good every day from now on'. he was half way up the special needs register at the time, and overnight changed into a child who was concstantly being praised by teachers. they used to stop me in the corridor to tell me how lovely he was!

name on board really worked for him, i guess thats why they do it. if it is upsetting your ds so much i would tell the teacher. she is probably still trying to get to know the kids and will probably act differently when she gets to know their little quirks. if he wont go to the loo on his own or tell her when there is a problem, you need to let her know thats the case. ok she will learn what he is like eventually, but theres no reason why you cant give a bit of help to smooth the transition

Original poster

mum2twins · 26/09/2005 20:53

Starlover - He did tell the teacher when asked but when he was being told off he just accepted it and tried to find them quicker.

Regarding the wriggling issue my question is, is it common to be unable to sit still at that age and therefore should or shouldnt I be cross - not were the consequences appropriate.

OP posts:

vickitiredmum · 26/09/2005 20:54

I thought (maybe im wrong) that children find discipline stuff easier to understand if they have a visual aid. So i would have thought the name on the board was a good demonstration of this.

I dont think its harsh personally. He needs to learn the rules and boundaries sooner rather than later at school doesnt he?

I might change my mind on that when my two start school though!

gigglinggoblin · 26/09/2005 20:56

its common to be wriggly, but there are different degrees of wriggling. one child can set off the whole class and if that is the case i think there should be some sort of consequence. at this age they are learning to sit still. they are not going to learn if they get away with doing what they like.

if you are worried about him being tired cos he is coming down with a cold, keep him at home. if he cannot cope with a normal school day he shouldnt be going in. not trying to sound harsh, just trying to state the obvious!

Original poster

mum2twins · 26/09/2005 20:57

He isn't really all that bothered at having his name up on the board. It is really me as a new to school mum, who is trying to establish if it is something to be concerned about, or no big deal, or whatever. The group of new to school mums have obviously read the name on board thing as a big issue - which I gather from those of you used to school is that it is not fortunately.

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Hulababy · 26/09/2005 20:58

I think the name on board is fairly common practise. There are normally warnings before hand. It is a visual reminder to a child.

gigglinggoblin · 26/09/2005 20:58

you can start to worry when he wants to send the headteacher a christmas card because he sees more of her than his real teacher (not saying who that happened with )

brightstar1 · 26/09/2005 20:58

mum2twins.Did your Ds go to nursery? sounds a bit harsh to me, but if they go to nursery they usually know all the carpet time rules etc.A lot is expected of them now.

starlover · 26/09/2005 20:59

the other mums won't think it's such a big deal once their kids have been up there a few times!
i think it's actually a pretty good way of showing that there are consequences to their actions without giving a harsher "punishment"

he will soon figure out that he has to sit still even when he reeeeeeeeeally doesn't want to and he'll be fine!

easy for us all to sit and say it though i know!

Whizzz · 26/09/2005 20:59

In DS reception class they have names + photos of the children. On the wall they have a sun, a rain cloud and half sun/half cloud. If they are good their photo stays in the sun. If they are naughty the photo gets moved into the rain cloud. If only a 'bit naughty' they go onto the half cloud.

Seems to work for DS who gets told each morning by me to stay in the sun !

Original poster

mum2twins · 26/09/2005 21:00

gigglingoblin - I am also finding my feet with the transition to school - I dare say in a few months time, all these questions will seem like the obvious, as do all my previous questions on mumsnet. As does being off school for a cold - I would have thought a cold was considered mild so would not automatically think of keeping them off school.

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gigglinggoblin · 26/09/2005 21:03

i know what you mean, i was always worried about it being seen at truanting - until one teacher told me they really dont appreciate ill children being there (she really told it like it was!). i now have no problems keeping them off if they are ill (might think a bit harder if i have something planned ) but i quite enjoy time with them watching videos and stuff. starting school is definately more scary as a parent!

Original poster

mum2twins · 26/09/2005 21:06

Yes I have actually been waking up with the horrible sinking feeling on a Monday morning Whilst on the topic of my silly quesitons - there was a note about headlice in school and could we all nit comb with conditioner. If they do strike do you keep them off school until gone or what???

OP posts:

starlover · 26/09/2005 21:07

no... you will inevitably find that there is always one kid that never gets treated and keeps giving it to all the others! lol

gigglinggoblin · 26/09/2005 21:10

depends on the school! 1st school ds1 went to treated them like the plague. teacher in current school picked one out of ds2s hair thinking it was a bit of fluff (o the shame) and everyone had a very good laugh about it. get thee to the health visitor for a prescription nit comb! better to have it and not need it for a while than not have one when you do get them, cos it is inevitable [bleurgh emoticon]

Majorca · 26/09/2005 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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