4.5 yo wetting - at my wits' end

[MMQC]

I posted about this issue a couple of months ago. But unfortunately we are no further on.

My daughter is 4.5 years old. She is bright, articulate and sociable and has no obvious behavioural or psychological issues. She can be stroppy but that goes with the territory.

She wets herself virtually every day. When at home I can monitor and make sure she goes to the toilet regularly and sometimes we can make it through the day without an accident.

She is at school and although they are aware of the issues, clearly they can't devote the same level of attention to it and most days she comes home wet. Most of the time it is not just a little bit damp, but very wet all the way down her tights and rather smelly. What concerns me more is the fact it doesn't bother her. She will sit in wet, smelly clothes for hours ....

I've been to the doctor twice. They've carried out urine tests and all is well. There are no other symptoms to suggest she has any kind of medical issue.

I don't want the other children to start picking on her as the one who always smells of wee! I don't know what else to do. We've tried all sorts of sticks and carrots and nothing seems to work. I am quite literally at my wits' end.

Does anyone have anything they could suggest. I'd be more than grateful!

Thank you!

I expect peer pressure may kick in at some point and she will become fastidious about it thereafter - just a thought. Otherwise I think keep what you're doing - reminders, encouragement, kindly explaining that she'll get a sore bum / legs in the cold weather and so on.

once she gets to 5 they can refer you to the local enuresis clinic - at this point it's not that abnormal. (dd1 finally stopped wetting daily in the summer hols between yr r and yr 1, ds1 still wets at almost 9)

often children aren't drinking enough, so the first thing they will get you to do is up the drink intake, and measure output, to see how much she is voiding each time. they may also use ultrasound to see if she is fully voiding her bladder when she does go the toilet - a way to get her used to doing this is to use 'magic 20' or whatever. she goes to the loo as normal and then counts/ sings/ laughs to 20, and then has another huge squeeze to get rid of any residual urine.

but she's still little, and they don't normally bother with referrals etc until they are into school.

mostly these things do sort themselves out over time, however frustrating it is! (and boy, do i know how frustrating it is - only one of mine was completely dry before 6 )

(it may be, by the way, that you are making her go to the toilet too often at home - they need to be able to recognise the 'full' signs/ feeling so that they get the message they need to go - if you are getting her to go to the loo a lot at home, it may mean she isn't getting to recognise the 'i need a wee' signs/ feelings?) they usually say no more frequently than two hours at this age, stretching to three hours if they can manage this without wetting...

Thanks both! Madwoman, I'd considered that, but the thing is that at school they are working on the consistent reminding strategy, so I feel we need some consistency! That, and just not reminding her at all would end up messy!

For a while we said that if she wet herself she couldn't have 'nice' drinks, so she'd have water instead of juice. I think that was counter-productive as she'd end up not drinking much at all. So now I give her what she wants to drink (we've signed off blackcurrant as I read somewhere it could be an irritant, but normally she has watered-down juice or milk) and keep an eye on her.

This all came to a head as I got a call from the school secretary saying she'd wet and pood herself in front of the whole class during Nativity rehearsals .... we've had words since she's come home and school have produced a reward chart for her, but only time will tell.

Thanks

Have you seen the school nurse? They might have more experience of this than a GP and might have some other strategies to suggest.

Children at this age don't seem to tease or bully based on this sort of thing. So try not to worry (easy to say, I know). DS is in Y1 and there isn't any bullying based on 'differences' yet - fast forward to my friend with her 9yo and thats all changed though...

no-one appears to notice at school if ds1 wets and soils, but reward chart is a positive step forward - they have tried a couple of times with ds1 at diff times (yr r, 1 and now 4 ) we didn't find the school nurse overly helpful tbh, but he was already being seen at the enuresis clinic anyway.

fortunately no-one has started to bully yhim yet - and he has had some spectacular accidents (zoo trip, cub camp, dance class...)

she is still very young though - i'm sure that time will be all that's needed. i remember thinking dd1 would never stop - she just used to come out of school wearing yet more spare clothes and swinging a plastic bag full of laundry... didn't give a hoot really.

i do think it's harder on mummies.

The school secretary has suggested getting the school nurse involved so we'll look into that.

The frustrating thing is knowing she can do it as she's been for months without incident ...

Hey ho, I guess we just stick with it! Thanks for your help ...