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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD 2.6 is so ignorant - can i improve this?

24 replies

Cherrybug · 06/12/2010 15:47

Hi all,

Just looking for some advice and perhaps reasurance that I shouldn't worry so much about this. My DD is 2.6 and whenever anyone she doesn't see all the time talks to her or addresses her she completely blanks them and wont speak to them. She sees one of my friends on a weekly basis and is used to seeing her but still if my friend asks how she is or what she's being doing, DD will just blank her and not answer. Today we walked to the postbox and DD asked me if she could post the letters we had. There was another lady there and she asked if she'd like to post her letters too and DD just turned away and said nothing. So. I mumbled something about her being shy and felt really embarrassed.

I'm starting to think she coming across as really ignorant and rude and I dont know what to do to help change it. Its embarrassing when people talk to her nicely and she doesnt respond at all. Is it just shyness and not having the confidence to respond. I thought maybe I should try socialising her more if possible, visiting people more regularly etc as she doesnt go to nursery so isnt used to being around other adults at all especially without me there.

OP posts:

Tee2072 · 06/12/2010 15:50

Okay, ignorant means Lacking knowledge or awareness in general; uneducated or unsophisticated. So I am not sure how she is looking ignorant.

Shy, maybe. But so what? She's 2.6 she's allowed to be shy.

She's also allowed to be ignorant. She's still learning thing.

belgo · 06/12/2010 15:50

She is just two and a half, barely more then a baby! Please don''t call her ignorant and rude, she really is not.

She is just shy, like many children and adults. She may get over it naturally but you being embarrassed by her will not help.

Don't do anything.Just explain to the adults that she is shy, which is true. Adults are huge and imposing to a two year old, please do not try and force the issue or force her to socialise.

Goingspare · 06/12/2010 15:53

Please don't call her ignorant, she's 2.

It is shyness and lack of experience; your ideas for developing her social skills are great, but don't expect too much of her yet.

FairyArmadillo · 06/12/2010 15:55

Agree with the others. My son is the same age. He's generally confident but not all the time. If he's tired, cranky or generally distracted he won't pay attention to other people, or he'll turn away shyly. It's normal at that age, and not intentionally ignorant.

VinegarTits · 06/12/2010 15:58

err shes 2 fgs

QuickLookBusySanta · 06/12/2010 16:01

Cherrybug, I agree with the the others but would also say that your idea of socialising her more is a really good one.

Original poster

Cherrybug · 06/12/2010 16:04

Ok apologies. I chose completely the wrong words. I dont think she's ignorant as such and I would never ever say that to her, I just meant her lack of response when people address her makes me feel that other people may think she is.

I only wanted to see if there was anything I could do to help her get over her shyness. As she doesnt go to nursery I thought I may help by encouraging her social skills.

Didnt mean any offense at all so sorry if its been taken that way.

OP posts:

hels71 · 06/12/2010 16:05

My DD (3) does just the same....she is just shy and struggles with either new people, or people she knows in unexpected places (we met her pre school teacher who she adoes in morrisons and DD just hid)...I think it's very normal and certainly at this age not a problem...

Goingspare · 06/12/2010 16:06

Oh, don't worry, if other people judge a toddler, that's their problem.

HowAnnoying · 06/12/2010 16:10

DS1 was shy (not rude or ignorant!) at that age he is now 3.6 and the improvement is huge! I havn't done anything specific, he goes to nursery and also does a gym class once a week, which has really helped his confidence, he still is a bit shy with complete strangers, but I knew I had a breakthrough when I took him to the park and he started playing with some other children without any prompting from me.

Some kids will always be a bit shy, its nothing to be ashamed of and it certainly isnt ignorant or rude.

HowAnnoying · 06/12/2010 16:11

You'll probably notice a difference when she starts pre-school.

Hippo3 · 06/12/2010 16:18

Dear cheerybug

My little girl does exactly the same, she will grow out of it. My older daughter did the same at that age and now I cant stop her talking.

WriterofDreams · 06/12/2010 16:18

There are adults who have worse manners than your 2.6 year old! Surely you don't expect a child that age to be comfortable and confident around everyone?? I would say a very large proportion of toddlers her age are like that - when they feel a bit out of their depth socially they just clam up, it's pretty normal and not rude in the slightest. I very much doubt that adults judge her for her "rudeness" and if they do they must be mad. I have often spoken to kids as old as 4 who have ignored me - I just assume I spoke a little too fast or overwhelmed them a bit and I certainly don't take it personally.

Give her time and she will find this easier. That said, giving her opportunities to socialise can only be good for her, so I think any activities you can bring her to would be a good idea.

FairyArmadillo · 06/12/2010 16:38

Cherrybug- most adults understand. At least I hope they do! Little old lady tried to talk to my son in the park today but he was crying because his hands were muddy. She understood. If you're taking her out and about with you, and she's seeing your friends you're doing a great job of socialising her already. My son doesn't go to nursery but I started taking him to a baby and toddler group when he was 1 to get him used to being around other children.

Firawla · 06/12/2010 19:06

I dont think most 2 and a half yr olds will respond confidently politely and appropriately to strangers questions will they? she sounds normal, maybe your expectations are just too high in this situation
my ds of the same age is not that shy but if people ask him questions sometimes he will just total ignore the question and start chattering about whatever is on his mind
I dont think anyone should be judging children of this age if they dont respond, they are 2!! still babies really

shazbean · 06/12/2010 19:21

Thanks for this Cherrybug, my DD is 3 1/2 and is like this. Even at nursery (she started in Sept), she won't say goodbye to her teachers even though I know she loves them, but has at least started to with her friends.
I was also worried if it is normal and she will grow out of it, I guess the answer is don't worry!

TheMeow · 06/12/2010 19:27

My SIL was 1 and a half when I first met her (she's 6 now) and she never spoke to me or even acknowledged my existence until she was nearly 3. This is despite me seeing her every week or more, baby sitting her and it wasn't until she had to live with me and dh for 2 weeks that I was finally worthy of attention.

Now she is the least shy child on the planet so I wouldn't worry as she will grow out of it.

JamieLeeCurtis · 06/12/2010 19:42

No one with half a brain will think badly of her. If someone talks to her and she blanks them, then just reply on her behalf. It is totally normal for children this age.

Please try not to worry - none of this reflects badly on you as a parent.

Preggersplayspop · 06/12/2010 19:52

My ds is the same, very open and chatty and confident with people he knows, but will glare at and ignore people he doesn't know. It's shyness, and probably not a totally bad thing to be wary of people you don't know. He goes to nursery and has done from when he was 1 so he is well used to socialising. With other children he doesn't know he is very confident and will try to make friends with them, but with adults a completely different story. I'm sure he will outgrow it, but you can't force them to be different, it's just his personality. I think its time and growing rather than anything else which makes a difference.

tribpot · 06/12/2010 19:58

Replying on dc's behalf - I still do this now with my ds, aged 5. He's much better than he used to be but he would regularly be approached by older kids who would say "hi [ds]!" on the way to school and he wouldn't answer. He and his best friend don't really acknowledge each other if we happen to bump into each other on the way to school, I think because that is 'mum/home time' not 'school time'. Your dd only really has the concept of 'mum/home time' - which is perfectly fine at her age.

Shyness is perfectly normal, don't feel embarrassed, simply be confident enough yourself to say "oh dear, she is a bit of a shy one" and then answer for her about what she's been doing, maybe saying "well we've been to the park, haven't we dd?" and encouraging her to join in. She'll take her lead from you; take the letters and post them together, for example.

Don't worry - no-one remotely sensible would feel the need to judge you, but make it clear to your dd that her behaviour is acceptable.

JamieLeeCurtis · 06/12/2010 20:00

I still do it on occasion with my 7 year old, Preggers! And he is routinely praised for his manners at school

vegasmum · 06/12/2010 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

drivingmisscrazy · 06/12/2010 22:17

largely agree with these replies - DD is 23 months and not at all keen on new people/lots of people/people she hasn't seen in a while etc etc. All perfectly reasonable - and it takes her a long time to 'warm up' in these situations - to feel comfortable. She's just cautious by nature (quite sensible, really), but people do endlessly comment on how quiet/shy etc she is. It annoys me slightly as it's just that she doesn't know them, and there seems to be some expectation that small children are fair game on the chatting front, even when they don't have any of the skills that make this easier for adults (aka small talk)

I would be a little wary of over-using 'shy' in this context too - DD sometimes clings to my leg saying 'shy' over and over :( she isn't - she's just not keen on strangers who loom over her and get in her face

SkyBluePearl · 06/12/2010 23:25

My eldest was like this - quiet, well behaved but also very shy when it comes to talking to adults (other than myself). He would blank lots of people as a toddler but now aged 7 he is very much more willing to converse with grown ups. I have always genrally considered him to be quietly confident within him self and is able to stand firm when he disagrees with other children being unfair but he still hates talking in a classroom situation and holds back information when he does. Recently he has been much more outgoing and i think it relates to him blossoming at a small village school. My second is totally different - a real chatter box with adults and children.

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