DD(12) just smashed her own mobile. Help me fathom what went wrong here.

[Spidermama]

dd1 is 12. She just got into a row with ds1, who's 11, about his belt. She was wearing his belt and he wanted it back. She wouldn't give it back so he started to get lary. I then said, 'you have to give him his belt back if he wants it' so she started taking it off extra slowly to wind him up.

He got more and more hysterical. She sort of kicked him but it was more pushing him away with her foot because he was getting very close and steamed up.

I said to dd 'OK you have to leave the room now. Go and get ready to go out'. (She's going to see Harry Potter with a friend.)She shouted, 'NO' and I carried on calmly telling her she had to leave the room. Eventually, when she still wouldn't leave, I said, 'I'm going to count to ten and you have to be out of the room' at which point she screamed, 'I hate all you little shits' and she threw her mobile phone hard on the floor. The screen smashed. (It's a touch screen.)

What went wrong and where do I go from here?

Glad it's all settled down. Sharing vs having a right over individual possessions is a minefield in our house. DD2 seemed to live in DD1's "handmedowns" and for a long time they had to share a room too. Now they are older (19 and 15) and more or less the same size, a lot of swapping of clothes goes on, sometimes with one girl taking it for granted that, just because Dsis said it was ok the last time she was asked to lend something that it will be ok anytime without further permission DS has always had his own room and his own wardrobe though and that in itself makes the girls a bit less eager to "share" with him sometimes Sometimes, if I'm feeling I just can't be bothered for whatever reason, I'm guilty of going down the " oh, you don't need it / aren't using it at the moment, what's the problem with him/her using/having/wearing it?" Sometimes, especially with the girls though, it is an important point of principle that their "rights" over their own possessions are acknowledged. While it's true that the girls (especially DD1 who is at home atm on a gap year, saving for college - the other two are away at school as boarders)do do more work to help in the house (DS has the same responsibilities re cleaning his room and does do the dishes on a strict rota with the girls and cooks occasionally too) it's always DS who helps in the garden and washes the cars and so, I think, overall it's a pretty fair division of chores really but the DDs only look at the housework situation (DD1 is responsible for the kids bathroom and, when she's home, DD2 for what was the "playroom" and, now they are older, is the "den") and don't see it the same way! Honestly, sometimes I wish I had diplomatic corps experience! As for homework, I think it's much rarer for boys around that age to be enthusiastic about completing it on time than for girls boys seem to embrace the work ethic much later than girls but when they do, they work like crazy. I reckon I'm going to get jumped on by the feminists out there but, heyho!

Just read all of this and although I have nothing constructive to add I wanted to say that, as someone who was the oldest female sibling with a younger male sibling who often felt that my efforts were taken for granted as I was the 'good' child, you sound like a fantastic mum!

Awww thanks for that notyetamummy. It really helps after the day I've had.xx