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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Dont know how to handle my DD size anymore?

19 replies

PurpleTaipan · 17/11/2010 22:59

My DD is 10yrs old but is the same size as a 6/7 yr old.

She has always been little and I have never looked at it as a problem.

She is so healthy she hasn't saw a GP for about 2 yrs now.
However I'm now worried that may be a disadvantage!

She has been at ''Big'' school since sep. and is now complaining of being bullied.

I spoke to school today. But i'm unsure how they can help.
Im heartbroken for her, I just want to make her grow, or at the least be a good mother and find the right words to make her feel better.

OP posts:

piprabbit · 17/11/2010 23:06

Do you think it would be worthwhile taking her to the GP? They may be able to arrange some tests for your DD.

MaudOHara · 17/11/2010 23:12

A friend of mine is very petite and had similar issues growing up - she was referred to a genetics clinic just to check all was well - may be worth a trip to the GP - particularly as it bothers her.

MaudOHara · 17/11/2010 23:12

Just another thought - does she have asthma? When DDs inhalers were upped to a stronger dose our GP did mention that the steroids may slow down her growth - however she has the opposite problem - age 6 in 9-10 clothes so for her its not an issue.

MaudOHara · 17/11/2010 23:15

Sorry am on a roll now!

As regards being bullied and finding the right words - well IME bullies will always find something to pick on - if she was taller / thinner / fatter / whatever than average they will pick on someone.

The one thing that you must say is that you will always listen to her and that she shouldn't have to tolerate bullying - please do take it up with the school so they can stamp it out before it gets any worse

Original poster

PurpleTaipan · 17/11/2010 23:16

Yes I think that is next step now.

I have gone through all this when she was about 7yrs old.
However I decided to take the option of having the good old
''everyone is individual, and size doesn't matter, she will grow when she is ready ''
point of view.
I wish I didn't now.

I have that motherly feeling that there is nothing medically wrong with her. I just don't know how to help her emotionally.
But will check with GPs for peace of mind.

OP posts:

Original poster

PurpleTaipan · 17/11/2010 23:21

yes she does have asthma ! but hasn't used inhalers for about 2yrs now.
However she did use steroid inhaler from age 6-8yrs.
Was very tiny before asthma developed tho.

OP posts:

piprabbit · 18/11/2010 20:24

You could take a little look at www.parentchannel.tv for some ideas perhaps. I know they have clips on bullying, self-esteem and also handling peer pressures.
Might give you some ideas on where to start boosting her a bit?

elastamum · 18/11/2010 20:31

If your DD has asthma dont whatever you do stop her steroids. this could pose a serious risk to her. Often children who have asthma are small as they fail to thrive as they dont sleep properly. You need to sleep well to grow.

If you are worried take her to the GP. But in the first instance get the school to tackle the bullying

wannabeglam · 19/11/2010 06:58

Don't you think the big strapping girls might be jealous? I remember we had a very small, petite girl in our class - she made us feel big and clumpy. Having said that, she wasn't bullied.

The school needs to address this. If they can't there's a problem with the school's Head.

Original poster

PurpleTaipan · 19/11/2010 12:34

I spoke to her tutor on Wednesday who didn?t seem helpful in helping directly with the bullying.

She did say she will raise it with a particular teacher who helps children with self esteem issues.

I spoke to my DD last night to get a clearer picture of what is happening.

She says mostly it is girls in her class who make comments, but it is mostly along the lines of
'' Ah isn?t she cute'' or ''look how small and cute she is''

She says they aren?t being directly nasty but she wants to be treated like a 10yr old, not a cute baby.
The only worrying issue DD mentioned was comments from older boys. She said one boy got down on his knees and walked beside her talking in a baby voice!

OP posts:

Original poster

PurpleTaipan · 19/11/2010 12:37

I should also mention we live in an area where the three tier education system is in place, so DD is now in middle school. (Yr5-yr8)

So DD is in a secondary school setting rather than a primary school one.

OP posts:

Goingspare · 19/11/2010 12:57

I have a 10 year-old who is just about in 7-8 clothes now. Completely healthy, but very small and slight. No asthma, though very tall 13 year-old sister has it! She will be going to secondary school next Sept., and I hope she doesn't experience what your daughter is going through PT.

The issue is with the comments, not her size - who is supposed to have self-esteem issues, PT, your DD or the children making the remarks? It doesn't sound as if your DD has a problem with self-esteem, if she just wants to be treated like the 10 year-old that she is. You were right to raise it with the school, but don't let them treat your DD as is if she is as the one with a problem.

Feliena · 21/11/2010 22:03

i always got picked on for being to tall (im now 6ft 2) if theres nothing medicaly wrong id just try and support her. i hate being the size i am - i can never get clothes to fit and random strangers stare at me and ask 'whats the weather like up there'. it used to really bother me but now i hold my head up high and even wear 4 inch heels when i go out - tell her the best things come in small packages and there only picking on her cus there jelous!!

ShanahansRevenge · 21/11/2010 23:54

It sounds to me like your DD could do with some tools to deal with this...I do think that it's a rare child who isn't self consious about some aspet of themselves...and that most kids have some problems with the type of teasing your DD is having to put up with.

Not that this makes it ok at all!

Perhaps she might benefit from something like horse riding? Or a martial art? Maybe drama classes? These are all things which empower girls...especially horse riding...(expensive I know)

If she can control a big horse...then she will gain an innate sense of power which she will carry with her..and which should translate as a power which stops other kids from seeing her as "cute and little"

TeddyBare · 23/11/2010 11:17

I think you need to get on to the school about the tutor's lack of interest. Have you thought about signing your dd up for some kind of sport where she would be at an advantage to help build her confidence? I'm not sure which sports might be suitable, but ballet or gymnastics and horse riding spring to mind.

Tamashii · 23/11/2010 11:40

I am only 5ft tall and was ALWAYS the smallest in the class. I got terribly bullied - especially when the boys took growth spurts and I was left as THE smallest person in the class and when the girls got boobs n I didn't. It wasn't just that I was small - I was physically a couple years behind all the other girls.

I wish my parents had encouraged me to do some kind of activity where size doesn't matter. A friend who was in the same boat at another school had lots of friends who would just back her up when people said stuff - does your DD have a group of close friends who could maybe help back her up? I don't mean gang up, I just mean who could help her speak up in self defence. Also, my mate's mum got her into Judo classes (it was the 80's n karate/judo was really popular) where she learned that she could throw the teacher down who was 3 times her size and it made her feel more confident therefore act more confident etc.

It must be awful seeing her trying to deal with this. I hate that teachers these days are still dismissive of what they might think isn't a serious issue when it is affecting your child.

goingroundthebend4 · 23/11/2010 15:03

huge sympathy dd be facing soon shes almost 8 but only in 3-4 clothes is very petite.She has just started judo so am hoping it will make her feel good about herself

But like others have said if its upsetting her teachers need to deal with the comemnts

Rockbird · 23/11/2010 15:10

I have no medical knowledge whatsoever....My cousin was tiny for her age until she hit about 16 (she's 17 now). She was a tiny framed as well as short, no waist or chest at all and a lot smaller than her brother who is 4 years younger. Suddenly last year she changed, literally overnight and, although she'll never be a giant, she's about my height (5' 1") and has a nice, petite but adult figure. It was really strange how this grown up just appeared.

Original poster

PurpleTaipan · 23/11/2010 21:25

Thank you everyone for your comments so far. It?s comforting to hear from parents who have children who are also smaller than average. Rockbird that?s what I think will happen with my DD !

I really don't believe my DD size is, or should be an issue, I never thought about it until she started having problems at school. All I can do is make sure she has a smile on her face, and work with the school to squash this bullying.

I think the horse riding sounds like a great idea. DD will love it.

We have booked in at the GPs for Thursday, just to have DD measured and weighed, that way we can monitor her and make sure she is growing.
The headteacher phoned today and I am going in to speak with him tomorrow.

OP posts:

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