Help- one twin keeps attacking the other

[Shelly32]

I have 11 month old twin girls. Both are normally really well behaved but recently, when i popped out of the room, one (it sounds harsh but it did look violent) attacked the other. The twin that can stand and walk was slamming the one who is still crawling on the head and pulling her hair. The twin being hit just sat there and cried, not even trying to push the other away. Is this normal behaviour? Is the one trying to assert her authority in some way? I've caught her three times now doing this and have always taken her away and said 'No' really firmly and tapped her on the hand. Twice she smiled and crawled back to re-attack. What can i do to deter her/let her know that this is wrong?

I can only blame my Latin blood. I totally admit when i'm out of order though.

oh good, so you have pm'd blatherskite to apologise i take it? and retracted the distasteful suggestion made to everyone on this thread that she only told you about the violence in her home life because she wanted to 'play the sympathy card'? excellent.

I'm sure if i had pmd her she'd have reported me for inappropriate behaviour. If i ever see her again, i'll say what i want to say not what you think i should say. It would've been nice to end on civil terms with you AitchTwoOh but clearly you want to pick a fight. Really, who the hell do you think you are...apart from tiresome and just a little bit boring. Yawn...

wow. your behaviour on this thread really is extraordinary.

Apart from when i've been provoked, i really don't think it has been. People say things and i have emotions and feelings. Do i have to be one way all of the time? In REAL LIFE, which is where i'm heading very shortly when my girls wake from their nap, people respond to different things in different ways. I'm not putting on a show for anyone. What you see is what you get. Clearly you have a problem with the way i am so if i were you, i'd just go and do something/chat with someone that puzzles/confounds you less.

in REAL LIFE i imagine everyone is petrified.

(but then what do i know? i'm just a dribbling hyena.)

Maybe...no one's said anything though.....lol

Flip this thread has become pretty judgemental. shame. I take it that everyone else has perfectly shaped and balanced ways of bringing up their kids,has never got a little agitated when their kids have screamed for hour after hour and played up.
Well this is my first child and I am still learning, not going to pretend it's easy either,especially juggling illness inbetween.

Its pretty obvious that the tap was a mere tap as the child `crawled back and did it again' I would hardly call that abuse! Maybe its a bit early for that and I know lots of mums would be horrified if a parent smacked their (older) child. But who said the way you are doing things is correct either? 50 years ago telling someone that you discipline your child by just gently telling them 'no' would have made you a laughing stock as it would in many other countries today. Yes things have changed and a lot of abuse cases have come to light but there will always be abusers - its in their blood and you will never irradicate those people who want to be in control.

I'm going to bypass all the accusations etc and go back to your op.

I don't have twins, but one 11mo ds, plus a dog. Ds is sometimes rough with the dog, but he loves her and wants to play with her. He just doesn't know his strength. When he's playing with the dog (under my supervision of course), I model stroking, gentle patting, saying "we stroke the dog, gently, nice and gentle..." If he then hits the dog, I'll say a firm "no" and move him to another part of the room and give him something to distract him.

I'm only a first time mum, but intuitively it seems wrong to teach him not to hit by hitting him.

tap 1 (tp)
v. tapped, tap·ping, taps
v.tr.

1. To strike gently with a light blow or blows: I tapped you on the shoulder to get your attention.
2. To give a light rap with: tap a pencil.
3. To produce with a succession of light blows: tap out a rhythm.
4. To select, as for membership in an organization; designate. See Synonyms at appoint.

Hit

hit verb ( TOUCH ) /hɪt/ v (hitting, hit, hit)
? [T] to swing your hand or an object onto the surface of something so that it touches it, usually with force
? [T] to touch something with sudden force
(Definition of hit verb (TOUCH) from the Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary)
Explore hit in the Visual Thesaurus »
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Agree hitting is very wrong,but the poor woman only owned up to tapping her daughter on the hand! I think its being taken way out of proportion.

honestly beebuzzer, i think you have mis-read the thread. i couldn't give a monkeys about a tap, however it is pretty easy to see why telling your child not to employ her physical strength to get what she wants by using your own physical strength to get what you want is an absolute knucklehead play.

regarding any 'judgement', i think it's plain to see that the OP has a stinking temper on her, which she acknowledges and makes no apology for. she has sworn at and insulted many people on this thread and claimed to be the victim of manipulation designed to make her look bad.

if she is worried about her children playing nicely together, she perhaps should think about whether or not she is modelling the same, that's all. that's the best advice on this thread, tbh. whether she will take it is another matter.

Shelly32 i have also been warned about the whole mumsnet clique! blimey i really think there are some very bored mums out there who are ready to pounce! seriously ladies get a feckin' grip! You ladies clearly don't get out much! just give the advice or don't! don't get so flippin' personal!

god AitchTwoOh shut up! i really can tell what sort of person you are, your the busybody that stands in the playground judgeing everyone and nobody likes you but all to afraid to say it as you make out your perfect. give it a rest love and stop over anylising everyone! shhhhh!

High five Alfiesmummy Playground bullies that have never quite grown up. Glad there are some decent people on here XXX

As for mireading threads..

Tap= physical strength...What???

Me not being able to apologise for telling someone who called me venemous and a venemous mother to piss off = me being manipulative...what??

As i said, i came on here for advice and lots of decent people have helped me out. Hopefully this is the end of the bitchfest because there are so many better things to do on a friday night/any night in fact!!!!!

The only person who is coming across as a bully on this thread is you OP.

What an unpleasant thread.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night X

OP, you sound seriously unhinged

This is a horrible thread.

Oh... and 'tapping' your 11mo to teach her a lesson is wrong. Babies don't understand such things, you're teaching her that it's OK to hit.

I looked after a friends child 2 days a week when mine was 11mo and hers was 13mo. They would push and shove, babies of that age DO that. Just remove the shoving one from the situation and say NO. That's ALL you need to do.

Now chill the fuck out...

shelly, i don't have twins but i do have 3 kids 2 of whom are very close in age.

this behaviour is totally normal! i don't think it's her trying to assert her authority or anything like that, she is far, far too little.
they're just exploring and she has realised she gets a great reaction from her sister and from you when she does this!

agree with other posters who have suggested telling her very firmly "NO, we don't do that" and maybe taking her hand and touching her sister gently.

if she keeps doing it then take her sister away and do something with her. that way the one who has been hit gets the most attention and the hitter can't do it again

i am not a fan of "naughty" areas and i don't think it would work with babies this young either.
i tend to let my lot get on with it unless someone is getting really hurt! before you know it they'll both be at it, and you can't spend the whole day sorting it out

anyone?

Maybe you could put up with the baby's aggression, on account of it's "latin blood".

What's sauce for the goose n'all.

She's also got Scandinavian blood (dh is Finnish) so i would have thought that would balance.. notthat i really belive in all that..many posts have been ironic/in jest but it's lost on some and blown out of proportion...hard to convey tone on here..

Answers to my Q!! Thisisyesterday i'll keep up with the 'No' and 'gentle' and see if it works. No issues for the last 2 days so fingers crossed!

Shelly - lovely message you sent me over IM...

"Just out of interest...are you the goblin king? If so, didn't want to bring it to light..but I'm unhinged?? I'm new but not THAT new!"

You've actually had some very good advice here... perhaps listen to it and stop being so arsey?

Can't believe all this crap. I have not misread the thread at all, I seriously think some mums on here need to get out more too. Way too much time on your hands. Maybe you all should have had twins!