Help- one twin keeps attacking the other

[Shelly32]

I have 11 month old twin girls. Both are normally really well behaved but recently, when i popped out of the room, one (it sounds harsh but it did look violent) attacked the other. The twin that can stand and walk was slamming the one who is still crawling on the head and pulling her hair. The twin being hit just sat there and cried, not even trying to push the other away. Is this normal behaviour? Is the one trying to assert her authority in some way? I've caught her three times now doing this and have always taken her away and said 'No' really firmly and tapped her on the hand. Twice she smiled and crawled back to re-attack. What can i do to deter her/let her know that this is wrong?

Lots of helpful ideas..THANK YOU all !!
SkyBluePearl, i haven't ever got cross with my beautiful babas, just a little shocked. I know my response to Blatherskite may have portrayed me as a 'fly off the handle' type of person but i just can't stand being unfairly judged and did come on here for genuine help not to be pounced on and criticised.
Beebuzzer The slipper...don't talk about slippers on here, you'll be burned at the stake! lol Good to know they talk civily after 36 years lol There is hope hahaha! It is pretty hard with two esp. now as they are getting about but they are such a joy too! Hopefully they will learn about not bashing one another before they start on other people's children.
Alfiesmummy it has been really nice to chat with someone who knows so much about being a twin! Thanks for the kind words, good advice and support!!! I think i'll see if the naughty step/corner works!! Fingers crossed today has been filled with giggles and fun...let's hope it stays that way!!

Thisisyoursong Thanks, no it isn't nice to see them being rough. They are such loving little girls too. They've had lots of playdates with other babies and have never been like that. Maybe it's just a sibling thing and i'm sure being together all of the time, they probably get a little fed up of each other.

My 25 year old brothers still beat the shit out of each other regularly now and i have to say they were smacked rightly or wrongly it hasn't worked.
It's hard when you are in the thick of it but i look back with my older three and wish i'd been kinder and gentler with them, I will be with my baby when he reaches that stage for sure.

• should say my brothers are non identical twins. Nothing in common at all, it's shame :(

I agree with shiney, none of these so called techniques work they just grow out of it. Your job is to move the hand as it goes to wollop somebody, mop up the tears and say firmly we don't do that.
After 10 years or so they stop of their own accord but in the meantime you still have a great relationship with them and they don't play up for a reaction unlike the naughty step child.

Yep, felt a little guilty over Blatherskite. There is nothing wrong with a range of opinions but i didn't ask whether i'd been right or wrong over the tapping. For her to suggest i'm venemous to my children based on my reaction to her judgements were unduly harsh too. If you give it out..you have to take it, not play the sympathy card....although on reflection the sympathy card did cause me a twinge of guilt just before i went to sleep.

agree with shiney, you just have to separate them. as for your responses to answers that you didn't like... i can see where your daughter gets her temper from.

Shelly32 I have 10 year old DD twins and like yours, they have always got along and played together brilliantly most of the time. Since they could crawl, there has been the odd violent moment and there still is. I wouldn't worry too much about it, keep telling the hitter 'No' and then pick up the one who was being hit and give her your attention.

If you had 2 kids of different ages they would probably fight as well - it's not just a twin thing and it doesn't mean they don't like each other. My brother and I regularly used to beat each other up and we got along great!

AitchTwoOh And just like my daughter i can be lovely too...most of the time.

FernieB I think you're right. I'm pretty sure they like one another and can be very affectionate to each other. I suppose looking back my sis and i had a fair few scraps, it's just seeing my two babies fight was a bit of a shock, esp as the one wasn't sticking up for herself or even trying to get away, she was just sat there taking it and crying. My heart just went out to her. I think if she'd walloped her sis back or at least scrabbled away i wouldn't be so concerned as i know it's a fairer fight...

i hope you will teach your daughter to apologise when she does something wrong, though, rather than just comment to others that she feels a bit guilty.

shineoncrazydiamond I disagree and think she didn't like my tone and wanted to make me feel/look bad, otherwise why say what she did and then 'leave'. Maximum guilt...it doesn't even allow me to apologise for being harsh or explain why i was so harsh. Tapping is very, very different from battering and bruising which is what she referred to. I didn't appreciate the comparison, it's ridiculous, and as someone else mentioned , not being able to distinguish between gentle discipline and abuse is a real problem. My daughter pretty much laughed at me which supports the comments that what i did was not particularly effective but again, we're off topic. Thank you for the advice though.

Shelly32 Don't worry, one day the one who wasn't fighting will probably turn around and whack her sister. The balance of power does change a lot. I've watched my twins as first one is dominant and then a few months later, it's the other one. Now they've pretty much got this sorted as they've realised each one is stronger in different things.

I did try separating them at school but they missed each other so much and were both bullied, so now they are back together. They are best friends and although they may beat each other up sometimes, they will not allow anyone else to hurt their sister.

AitchTwoOh Funny as your last comment is, please don't be patronising. As i've said to ShineOn, she left before i could discuss what was said further. Am i really the villain in this??

FernieB That's reassuring to know!! I do like the thought that they'll have one another at nursery and school! It makes my heart glow to think they'll always be there for each other

yes. i think your behaviour on this thread has been angry, self-pitying, manipulative and self-justificatory. since you ask.

I'm only commenting from afar, but I'd like to agree with Aitch.

Shelley32 I've very rarely read such rudeness on here with so little reason. You really need to take a step back and ask yourself if you're being reasonable. You obviously do feel guilty about "tapping" your child, otherwise you wouldn't respond so defensively.
You can disagree with someone without resorting to personal abuse, as other posters on here have demonstrated.

I didn't ask for a character assassination, a simple yes/no probably would have sufficed.
Self pitying and manipulative...What?? Am i actually reading that or have i crossed to a different dimension. Is this the mumsnet clique i've been warned about??? I came on here for advice. Yes i did tell her to piss off because as i said, i came here for genuine advice and the first response felt like an attack. I've admitted i was harsh and didn't get chance to talk things out but want do you want from me?? Blood? Some of you women are like dribbling hyenas waiting to chew the ass off something. It's not nice girls really!
I am a very good mum who tries her best and to be damned for giving my child a tap rubbed me up the wrong way. Telling someone to piss off is probably not the best thing to do but that's what i wanted her to do if she couldn't give me some constructive advice BASED ON MY QUESTION!!!! Do bored women come on here to pick fights?
I truly wanted some help and have had some very helpful answers from some very nice people.

TChamLawn Maybe i am rude, but i felt like i was just defending myself from an unnecessary comment. If that's the rudest thing you've encountered you've lead a sheltered life. If you read previous posts, yes i did feel bad about the tap and yes i was defensive. No one in their right mind WANTS to tap or even scold their child. I didn't know what else to do after saying 'No' firmly and taking her away from the situation. BUT thanks to some lovely posters on here, i have lots of ideas!

Shineoncrazydiamond Yeah, i'm pretty new on mumsnet. I'm only coming over if you put some Pink Floyd on L
Agreed over the 'piss off' comment. Knee jerk reaction!

what a strange thread. i do think that you demonstrate a very short temper, OP, on this thread, and i think it is an excellent idea that you are seeking non-violent strategies to deal with the same temper in your dd.