What happens at the 12 month development check?

[Marjee]

My ds has his 12 month check with the health visitor tomorrow and I'm curious about what they will be checking for! Dh and I recently split and hes insisted on coming tomorrow, I'm a bit worried that it will be awkward. Do they ask about the parents' relationship or just physical checks on ds?

This was probably the wrong place to post this! I was really hoping to talk to the hv about single parent groups and support but can't now as hes going to be there. I'm feeling really crap atm and so disappointed in my so called friends who tell me to call if I need to talk then don't pick up the phone! It would be really horrible to tell him its cancelled so I can go without him wouldn't it?

I can't really tell you about 12 mth checks - it is a while since mine had theirs - but this seems to be more about your relationship with your H and the general lack of support you have the moment rather than your DS's check up. I am wondering if you might be better off posting this in relationships. At this time of night you might get more a response.

FWIW, I have never been asked about my relationship with DH in a check up but they do try and check to see if you are depressed, whether you are getting enough sleep etc. They want to make sure you are all right too.

They check hearing, sight, whether the child is sitting, walking or babbling, that kind of thing.

I would let your H go and book another appointment with the HV afterwards to talk about the other stuff if you don't want to talk in front of him. Or phone up and have a chat if it helps - I am sure the HV would understand.

Thank you, thats what I thought! I'm not sure if I'm depressed or just down because I'm so isolated, it really takes a lot for me to ask for help and I've been psyching myself up for this for a few weeks. Feel so at my ex for suddenly deciding he wants to come!

Regarding the check they will ask about how your DC is talking etc whether they can form short sentences. They will get out building blocks and see how any your DC can stack. They might get out a doll and ask DC to point to the eyes etc. My DS wolloped the baby doll on the head in response to this (DS2 hadn't long arrived!). They ask them to match up colours. There were other things but I can't remember. It was quite fun and provided you have no concerns I wouldn't take it too seriously. Toddlers aren't known for their cooperation are they?

Regarding your ex I think you are within your rights to ask him not to attend. The focus is really on your DC not your relationship. If you have split up then there are some things he will miss out on and I think he has to accept this. Especially while the break-up is so fresh.

Relationships and Lone Parents give excellent advice and support. Hugs to you.

I remember a few other things: they will ask your DC to draw a circle, a straight line and a cross. They will show them first. There is also a simple shape puzzle.

To your DC it's just a nice little play session.

Oh dear me I have just told you all about the 2yr check and then realised your DC is 1. Seriously

At DS's 12 month check in September (when oddly he was 11 months ) the HV was definitely only interested in him, not me or my circumstances. Hope that's reassurring. And I'm really sorry to hear about your situation with your ex.

I was asked if DS crawled, pulled himself up to standing or would bear weight on his legs, if he ate solids including different textures, if he babbled or made word-like sounds, if he slept ok, and if he was generally bright and interested in life. He was also weighed and had his length and head circumference measured. I think that was about it. It took about 10 minutes!

HTH