Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

How can I help my DD (nearly 10) become less literal?

60 replies

sandyballs · 21/10/2010 17:42

Her peers seem to have grown out of this but she hasn't. Lots of examples but one just now, which has prompted this thread.

DD1, her sister(DD2) and a friend (all same age) are having dinner and I have just been serving it up and said "tell me when" and my DD2 and friend both said "when" and I stopped. DD1 then went into a long complicated explanation of why I didn't really want them to say "when", and how they should have said 'stop' or 'enough'. The other girls just looked at her in amazement, not so much her sister as she is obv used to it. They tried to explain that is was a joke but anything like that is lost on her.

It worries me that she is still so so literal, like a much younger child, when her peers have outgrown it.

That's prob a silly example, there are loads that I can't think of, she doesn't get any jokes really, just dissects them and wonders why they are supposed to be funny.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SpookyNoise · 21/10/2010 18:47

Have you spoekn to her teacher about it?

Original poster

sandyballs · 21/10/2010 21:39

No I haven't. No teachers have mentioned it so I haven't brought it up.

OP posts:

SpookyNoise · 21/10/2010 21:41

It could be a passing thing, but taking things so literally could be sign of autism.

Original poster

sandyballs · 21/10/2010 22:14

That has gone through my mind before but there are no other indications to suggest autism. And surely after more than 5 years in school someone would have mentioned it.

OP posts:

Goblinchild · 21/10/2010 22:25

My DD is very spectrumy, I got her a joke book when she was around 9 because she didn't understand why a joke was funny if it wasn't slapstick. She too analyses the language in everything.
There isn't an easy answer, but you can help with explanations and by discussing things with her. She will hopefully develop a group of friends, as my DD has, who value her unique qualities and don't mind her somewhat pedantic outlook.
My DD now loves Terry Pratchett's stuff, QI and Hitchhiker's Guide. She now analyses and disects language as a career.

Original poster

sandyballs · 21/10/2010 22:42

That's interesting. She has got a couple of friends who are similar.

OP posts:

blackwell · 21/10/2010 22:44

I used to be a bit like that, but grew out of it.

Goblinchild · 21/10/2010 22:45

A small group that accepts one another's eccentricities is invaluable.
And a mum who loves you to bits and will explain stuff that confuses or upsets you.

ColdComfortFarm · 21/10/2010 22:50

That's so typically ASD I did think of it straight away, though people with ASDs can also be good at wordplay and humour and jokes - obv not a one size fits all condition.

Original poster

sandyballs · 21/10/2010 22:58

Surely someone at school would have mentioned ASD by now though CCF.

I will try and explain more Gc, bless her, she does need that.

Thanks blackwell, I hope she does!

She's lovely and clever and articulate, a real delight, most of the time, not always!
But I do worry about this literalness, if there is such a word . Particularly as she gets older and it becomes more apparent. Her siser is her twin so I think sometimes that makes it worse as she is so different.

OP posts:

Goblinchild · 21/10/2010 23:02

My son has a dx of Asperger's.
I didn't go down that route with DD because the various traits never got in the way of her life or education.
She's been on the G&T register for her entire school life, and extreme intelligence combined with eccentricity has worked for her being accepted by her peers and by teachers.
It's entirely a personal choice, but it worked for us.

blametheparents · 21/10/2010 23:05

Ds (age 9) is just like this, it drives me buts. He knows what he's been told, but can't think outside that!

For eg, we have an agreement / joke that for Xmas I want a box of chocs from Hotel Chocolat. I have drummed this into both kids

the other day I broke my favourite mug, I was really ross and said 'You know what to buy me for Xmas now'. DS says, 'Yes, a box of chocs' Doh!
DD (age only 5) said 'No, she want a new mug' in her best, resigned tone of voice!

He just can't make connections like that.

He is great at Maths tho, cos that is all logocal and doesn't 'catch you out'!

chandra · 21/10/2010 23:22

My exh is still pretty literal on his 40s, he doesn't get jokes or word games, innuendo, sarcasm, etc. He can ignore the whole point of the conversation if you get a word/figure/colour/any trivia wrong. He doesn't read body language either.

He also loves Terry Pratchet, and The Hitchhiker Guide to the Galaxy is still his favourite book.

I have always been convinced he has Aspergers. Nobody has pointed it out properly, but when translating some tests for my sister who has an autistic son, we tried ones and his scores where somewhat worrying.

I think he finally found his niche when he started teaching at university (computers), it seems there is a lot of people like him teaching the same subject. He finds it difficult to make friends but if you say hello to him he instantly adds you to his list of most intimate friends. So he is often perceived as a friendly chap, which is not a bad thing.

As people say, the important thing is for her to find her own niche, where her peculiarities are celebrated rather than condemned. If it helps, things will get significatively easier as she grows older.

summery · 21/10/2010 23:27

blametheparents my ds is just like yours!

He is also great at maths

chandra · 21/10/2010 23:29

My ex is a mathematician

BeenBeta · 21/10/2010 23:33

DS1 is exacty like this. I hate to label him as Aspergers spectrum but I often privately think it. Just does not understand what a joke is, takes things very literally, gets upset when people dont follow 'the rules', gets upset with small changes in routine, very intellignet and mature in his language and thinking but immature in his understanding of people.

He is friendly but somehow always outside the group. He is a lovely boy though and if he finds a boy or girl that gets his way of thinking he is a loyal friend.

In some ways, I think he is not ready for life and we chose a small school for him so that life would be simpler to deal with.

Yes, I agree with chandra when he finds his niche he really shines and I hope he will mature in the way he deals with people as he gets older.

Goblinchild · 21/10/2010 23:35

'I hate to label him as Aspergers spectrum but I often privately think it. '

Please elaborate. Why the hatred?

BeenBeta · 21/10/2010 23:50

Maybe 'hate' is a bit strong. I just feel that DS1 is someone with a special gift in some ways and dont feel like I want to label him.

In past times, he would just have been the very bright boy in the class who gets teased by the girls and only had a few friends who were boys. I was a lot like him at his age, my Mum and DW regularly say that. I know he struggles with interacting with children but gets on well with adults.

He wil find his niche, I dont see what good labelling him would do. He couldn't be 'treated' to somehow 'cure' him and as long as we pick the right schools and support him he will be OK.

I do worry about him going up to senior school though next year. Other children seem a lot more mature even at age 10 as he is now.

Goblinchild · 22/10/2010 00:06

Thank you for replying, it was the word 'hate' that bothered me.
DD has managed fine without a dx, DS needed all the support he could get to access mainstream education.
I don't see a label as something to hate or fear, it's just a question of how useful a tool it is.

atah · 22/10/2010 14:00

I am amazed that so many people are describing my DS so perfectly, in fact some of the traits mentioned here I have never been able to quite put my finger on such as "literalness". It all seems to be falling into place now.

My DS is also a brilliant mathematician and speller, but never gets a joke, has zero social skills and very few friends. to be honest i would rather he struggled with the schoolwork and had loads of friends.

Does anyone have a magic answer, or some way to help these kids, as their lives will be much happier if they could just "get it"?

SkippyjonJones · 23/10/2010 19:43

My ten year dd is ASD and is very literal. At times it can drive me nuts. Everything I say is analysed in minute detail. I get a daily running commentry on my accuracy. She has a real problem thinking outside the box. My younger child rolls her eyes all the time because she never gets the joke. She is often out of her depth socially.

On the other hand it is such an amazing gift. She can spot gramatical errors in any book or paper she reads. She is extremely talented at maths. Her teacher recently told me that she gave her a degree level maths problem and she solved it before she sat back down at her desk.

She is my pride and joy but she breaks my heart every day because I worry about how she will survive.

Wishing you all the best with your lovely dd

QOD · 23/10/2010 19:49

My dd is very literal - I call her "storybreaker" too - I sing it in the "story maker" tune - cos she just literally tells a story of what happened.... word for word, I can't explain properly, but she just drones out the entire thing if someone says OH what happened at guides? (for instance)
I did wonder when she was younger if she was on the spectrum as she was super sensitive to sock seams, labels etc etc - she still likes to line things up and make patterns - quite a loner too.
She is growing out of it a bit now though, she has a great sense of humour most of the time - but it's aquired in some ways!

SkippyjonJones · 23/10/2010 19:53

Oh yes we have sock seams. Same with stories and spnds hours putting her books in alphabetical order. Mine has a sense of humour as well but it is a bit like Sheldon from Big Bang Theory, I keep expecting her to say "Bazinger" after she says something she thinks might be a joke.

bendybanana · 23/10/2010 20:11

That does sound slightly autistic I agree. I read a while a go that 1 in 10 men are on the autistic spectrum - many with very mild cases. Three of my friends husbands have mild versions. It seems less common in girls.

I work with complex autistic young adults now and some actually do have a great sense of humor - along with different autisic trates.

If you are really worried then it might be worth reading round the subject and talking to folk.

I know one 9 year old who was only recently diagnosed at school. Hes a bright boy and seems to cope very well.

It might just be that she has a pedantic personality type though.

MumBarTheDoorZombiesAreComing · 23/10/2010 20:25

OMG your actually describing my DS in some ways too.

He just talks and talks anaylising all that is happeneing at the time and questioning everything.

Today driving through a car park I slowed by the P&C parking but no spaces so moved on and when none in the next row started to drive around to the other rows nearer the entrance as it was raining. DS says theres a space there on 3rd row but tell him I'll go round to other bit, when I park he wants to know why I parked there as that space was closer, that one facing the right way, slighly nearer etc [hhmm]

He also when we see builders builing questions what they are doing and then comes up with the most elborate plans of how they could do it, what would work best and improvements. [hsmile]

He is also very literal and good at maths. [hgrin]

Flip

1 2 3