How can I help my DD (nearly 10) become less literal?

[sandyballs]

Her peers seem to have grown out of this but she hasn't. Lots of examples but one just now, which has prompted this thread.

DD1, her sister(DD2) and a friend (all same age) are having dinner and I have just been serving it up and said "tell me when" and my DD2 and friend both said "when" and I stopped. DD1 then went into a long complicated explanation of why I didn't really want them to say "when", and how they should have said 'stop' or 'enough'. The other girls just looked at her in amazement, not so much her sister as she is obv used to it. They tried to explain that is was a joke but anything like that is lost on her.

It worries me that she is still so so literal, like a much younger child, when her peers have outgrown it.

That's prob a silly example, there are loads that I can't think of, she doesn't get any jokes really, just dissects them and wonders why they are supposed to be funny.

Been through that with DS, along with the idea that he was wicked, evil, and a sociopath.
He has no other additional needs, just the Asperger's

Put them right, rather forcefully.

Oooh yes - I have.

I am learning a whole new skills set as a Special Needs Mother.

lingle I think i should go to the GP, tbh I have been putting it off for a while as i am afraid of what it will lead to IFKWIM. Obviously i want him to have as much help as possible especially socially but academically he is flying and if he is picked out as different at school will it make matters worse for him?
Do you know what an assessment involves and if there is something to diagnose then what happens next?
Sorry you asked how old DS is he is 9 year5, surely it would have been picked up on by now at school and we have spoken to them many times over social difficulties? there is a boy we know with Aspergers and to be honest his behaviour is extreme and obvious as soon as you meet him, so I can't compare my DS with him. Although interstingly he despises my DS and this is the case with many kids they either ignore him or are mean to him its kind of like they sense something wrong?

Mine was 9 when he got his dx.

ok so i go to the GP. "my DS is very bright, with a gift for maths, he excels in most subjects at school except art and handwriting. He struggles to make and keep friends, struggles in all social situations. He often gets in trouble for not paying attention, he cannot stay still for 1 minute, he is clumsy, uncoordianted and slow to pick up any physical skills. he takes evrything literally, can't take a joke, doesn't get irony or friendly banter. Over the past 2 years he has become increasingly friendless and not by choice."
There how does that sound? sounds to me like i am just slagging him off!

With apologies to all those posters from the SN board who have seen my hoary old chestnuts a dozen times...

Does this help a bit, atah?

AS
Main characteristics
Difficulties with social relationships.
Not picking up signals and info that NTs take for granted such as facial expressions, intonation and inferred information.

Difficulties with communication.
May speak fluently but take little notice of reactions, may monologue, may not be aware of audience's feelings or reactions.
May be over-precise, formal or literal in speech. Jokes, metaphors, sayings, figurative language may cause total confusion, stress, meltdowns etc.

Difficulties with social imagination, imaginative play and flexible thinking.
This one causes some confusion as people say 'Well, he plays with his lego and makes up stories and has imagination, so...?'
It's the social aspect of imaginative play that can cause difficulties. If the child is in total control of their 'world' and setting the agenda, then they are being imaginative. AS children find it difficult to play when other individuals are involved that have different ideas or who don't perform as expected, unlike a lego or toy figure.
Abstract thinking is another area of difficulty, although the child may learn facts and figures easily, dealing with abstract concepts, without clear outcomes may be a challenge. Subjects like literature, religion and philosophy.

They may also be:
socially awkward and clumsy in social relationships with others
naive and gullible, a good rule of thumb is that many Aspies function at an emotional age 2/3 that of their chronological age.
unaware of how others feel
unable to carry on a 'give and take' conversation
upset by any change in routines and transitions, often undetectable to NTs
literal in speech and understanding
overly sensitive to lights, noise, odours, tastes and tactile sensations again often undetectable by NTs
have fixed interests or obsessions
physically awkward in sports, often those that require simultaneous application of different skills.
Not a team player in any sense.

Possibly
have an unusually accurate memory for details
sleeping or eating issues that cause problems
trouble understanding and processing things they have heard or read
Inappropriate facial expressions or body language
unusual speech patterns, repetitive or irrelevant remarks
stilted, formal speech
overly loud, high or monotonous voice
stims that may involve rocking, fidgeting, joint cracking, humming, pacing...

Any of this sound familiar?

no, it sounds ok atah.

I imagine you have already come across the "Unwritten Rules of Friendship" book? If not, that should be your next Amazon purchase.

Do be warned that GPs vary enormously in their reactions and views on this topic.

GC thats a very helpful list and quite scary that you've descibed DS to a tee - although being 6yo its not too noticeable at the moment and I'm aware could be developmental, or as you've said with your DD its there but he's coping iyswim?

One question - DS seems to always fiddle with his tongue, rolling it, having it between his teeth, putting things in his mouth, often its kinda of out but not right out iyswim?? Any significance in this??

The tongue thing could just be a habit, or it could be a stim.
Although the list might be a bit alarming, it does help you put random bits of information together and see if there is a pattern or a commonality to the things you are observing.
My son does some but not all, like most children with an ASD.

I ran into his old childminder tonight and was discussing DS and his social difficulties - she has 4 DC's and DS found there teasing very difficult to understand. She agreed that he does seem to have something there which makes it hard for him and that he wants to be able to join it but finds it hard. She agreed it could be a developmental things (or a boy thing!) but could understand what I meant and was seeing.

I noticed more today how monologue DS is when talking - and how he doesn't even notice if your not listening!!

As I've said before he's only just 6 so it isn't a major problem at the mo and could be developmental but at lot of what has been said on this thread has been uncannily like DS - combined with his problems he's had a school its worth monitoring.

Thanks again for being the font of AS knowledge and very understanding.