Violent temper tantrums in 4 year old - how normal?

[bluebear]

Ds has always had the ability to 'meltdown' very quickly, since he was just over a year old..but I was hoping that he would grow out of it.
He is now 4 and has several short bursts (about 10minutes of screaming) a day over various small things. He won't be 'reasoned' with or distracted in most cases, and so I tend to put him somewhere safe and ignore him until he's calmer or sit on the floor and restrain him if we are out somewhere.
Yesterday he managed a 40 minute meltdown at dd's nursery, started biting my legs and pinching me (which isn't that unusual), stripping off his clothes and throwing his shoes, pushing and scaring his sister (the 'reason' for his tantrum was that he didn't want her to come home with us although it probably has more to do with life in general), and I was trying to reassure 1yr old dd whilst restrain ds sitting on a muddy path in the nursery garden.
Anyway, I was just wondering how common this sort of tantrum is - he has them at this level about once every couple of weeks but several smaller ones daily.

I would say ds (coming up to 4) has one or two smaller screaming fits daily (normally over something like not wanting to get dressed or walk to pick up his sister from school).

For him to have a major tantrum, he would have to be really over tired or coming down with something.

Is your ds the eldest? Has he just started school or something different?

We recently had our nursery visit (ds starts at his sister's school in the nursery class this year) and I told the teacher about these screaming fits - I said I thought it was frustration and she said it is very common in boys of this age to act this way as their communication skills are often not as developed as their physical skills are (so they can't express what they are feeling yet). She seemed completely unphased so I guess they get a lot of this!

DD used to have whoppers, at the age 3 mark some of them were lasting an hour. She would have a couple of 'big' ones a week. It tailed off by the time she was 6-7, and she is now delightful. She was never physicaly violent, but would look as if she were having a fir they were so bad. The worst ones could last two hours!

Sympathy, sympathy, they passed with time is the only helpful thing I can tell you.

He is the eldest and he has just started school but it's not as if the tantrums have just started or got worse - just that my tolerance of being bitten/hit/kicked is wearing thin today.

Thanks for replying. I'm going to try to talk to his teacher when I pick him up today to see how he's been behaving in class. He's also the only child still screaming and clinging on to his mum's legs when the bell rings. I have to hand him over, the teacher grabs him then I walk away whilst he screams..I'm hoping he doesn't bite her

Thanks hmb - you're giving me hope!

I used to ignore them if at all possible, and ahe would follow me round the house tantruming in each room as we went. Funny now, but bloody grim then!

Ironicaly she always had excellent communication skills, way ahead of her age....she just has a whopping temper like mine

The worsed thing I could do was to try to talk her out of it, it was like trowing petrol on the flames. As she grew older I would send her to her room and told her that she would yell all she liked i there, that it was OK to be angry but not to make everyone else's lives a misery!

• I've done the walking about with a crawling ds following my feet as he insisted on keeping the tantrum going... I have to carry him to his room now (for everyone's safety) - he won't go there if asked..yet.

Dh is still making the same mistake of trying to 'reason' with him..and just getting more and more screaming because of it.

I'm loving him just a bit more now (especially since he's at school and i have a few moments of peace )

very normal imo bluebear. Especially after starting school, I bet half the class are playing up at home. I have written reams here about how I dealt with my ds at the same age but will only try to find any of it if you want me to, or you can search. We had a v bad time at one point but he's a darling now and nearly 8. Sympathy though.

Blue bear my DD is 3.2 and is generally v tired at the mo, she has mini -meltdowns a few times a day and really big blow ups a few times a week. Sometimes distraction wont head it off and she has to calm down before being reasoned with. She was like this for a while after DD was born so am hoping it will pass off. Best of luck to you

my 3 and a bit son is also having increasing nos of screaming tantrums - much worse since he started pre-school a few weeks ago. I ignore him, but he seems to get beside himself, and almost unable to calm himself down for ages. he has just now started having them outside the house too - sits or lies on the floor and literally screams and shrieks. any advice about what to do in these circumstances? I tried ignoring him but he carried on and in the end I had to get home so half carried and half dragged him. am desperate, and it seems unfair on his little brother who spends the whole time listening to screaming.