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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

head banging tantrums

25 replies

amy17 · 13/08/2003 11:08

my son has just started throwing tantrums but he bangs his head on any hard surface untill he gets a lump the only way i can stop him is by picking him up and i think it is making it worse because he knows that if he does it i will pick him up.
What should i do to discourage this behaviour.

OP posts:

Jenie · 13/08/2003 11:37

How old is he?

Jimjams · 13/08/2003 11:49

I used to hold my hand between the head and the hard surface until he stopped. He still whacks his head when very frustrated but will stop when I tell him to now (he tends to hit himself instead).

Furball · 13/08/2003 12:55

My DS who is 2 has done this for about 6 months now. Whenever things don't go his way he'll have a good bang. We tried ignoring it, but 'the audience' is obviously still around, the last week or so we've started getting up and leaving the room, which instantly stops the tears as it's no fun crying on your own! - I think it's quite common, it's just their way of expressing things. Apparently they won't bang hard enough to do any damage to themselves.

Jenie · 13/08/2003 13:08

They don't do any real damage, so the GP told me when my ds (13months) at the time started doing it. I honestly thought he was right until the time ds knocked himself out that is.

Now I pick him up and sit on a chair with his head against my chest and rock and talk gently to him, this seems easier and quicker than another trip to A&E due to a head injury. The hv even dropped round 2 days later having been informed by the hospital that ds had been in with a head injury.

I was sooo embarassed to tell her what had happend and didn't think she's believe me until hey presto he managed to throw a tantrum for her right there and then complete with a couple of good head bangs. The hv agreed that he has a nasty temper when things aren't going his way.

But all I do is hold him I don't know how to stop them. So any advice would be much appreciated.

Jenie · 13/08/2003 13:09

Is this a boy thing?

fio2 · 13/08/2003 13:12

my boy definatley has more severe tanturms than my dd. He does the diving onto the floor kicking and banging his arms around though. Also I always think boys screams and shouts are louder than girls. But thats just my opion. I know of lots of girls that are terrors too, just not mine

Jimjams · 13/08/2003 13:20

Jenie-yes my son used to damage himself as well. He used to have permanent bruises on his forehead. It is very distressing In his case he's autistic (NOT saying your son is) and has many dietary problems. We discovered that removing peanuts from his diet stoped the hurting headbanging immediately. He will still headbang but not usually hard enough to bruise himself.

Slink · 13/08/2003 19:40

my dd went through a stage of head butting, i think it was out of fustration not being able to get her point across and attention seeking, she did it for a few moths then grew out of it we just stopped paying her attention when she started it soon stopped, and then when she had stopped gave her a big hug and said ok what do you want calm down and tell mum or dad. she is 2 and 3mths now

But although it is frightening they can't themselves any harm,

Original poster

amy17 · 14/08/2003 04:25

he is 14 months old and it just seems to get worse and worse

OP posts:

Jimjams · 14/08/2003 08:08

but slink- they can- Jenie's ds did, and my ds1 will. Another technique friends have used amy is to redirect the headbanging to something soft- - like a beanbag. SOmetime's I'll just let ds1 go for my stomach (he's 4 so a bit bigger). Otherwise a hand between the head and surface does soften the blow.

Jenie · 14/08/2003 11:34

If ds doesn't get hurt then I do when his doing his head banging routine. It can last from 2 minutes up to 20 and in the end I don't think he even knows why he's doing it anymore.

I can end up black and blue but rather me than him! I don't know the things you do for your children.

triplets · 17/08/2003 21:20

Hi,
I had completely forgotten until I saw this thread that one of my trio used to do this. It was Thomas and he was about two, I know he did if for attention and he was usually frustrated because he wasnt getting his own way over something. It used to upset me more than him, I ignored it and it stopped after a few months, so dont worry too much.

tinyfeet · 07/10/2003 18:41

Hi all, thought I'd revive this one, as my DD has started throwing tantrums (at 18 months) where she lays down on the floor on her back and bangs her head against the floor, screaming and writhing around and crying. Lately she has done this every late afternoon, usually if I want to go inside and she wants to stay outside or sometimes for no reason at all. From the advice here, it seems that I should just ignore her, but I feel so bad, and think maybe she just needs to be picked up and held. Any suggestions? I also was wondering if these sudden tantrums have something to do with her last teeth coming in or is it just that it is near time for her to eat?

Oakmaiden · 07/10/2003 18:55

I just used to put something between his head and the place he was banging - a cushion, or my hand if there was nothing else available. He never really seemed to notice the difference - in too much of a strop normally to take notice of extraneous details like that.

tinyfeet · 07/10/2003 19:00

Thanks, Oakmaiden. Funny that most of the advice here is on protecting your child from injuring his/her head, but not on how to stop the tantrum. Maybe ignoring or just letting them let it out is the answer? If I'm at home, I don't feel that bad, but when we're out in public, it's really awful!

LIZS · 07/10/2003 19:01

Saw a tip on tv once where they removed child to bean bag and let him continue, then comforted him once it was all over. He rapidly realised that this was a place to vent his frustrations and head banging subsided.

Oakmaiden · 07/10/2003 19:26

As far as is possible ignore it. Easier said than done, I know!!!!

tinyfeet · 07/10/2003 19:27

I can ignore it when I'm in the house, but outside, I'm too busy worrying what the neighbors would think. . .

Jimjams · 07/10/2003 21:05

I'm pretty good at ignoring it in public (just protecting the head). Gave the checkout girl a shock when he headbutted her till mind.....

tinyfeet · 07/10/2003 21:07

jimjas

Jimjams · 07/10/2003 21:11

I think she was particulalry suprised because I was saying "well done" (he'd queued for ages before losing it). See crocodile hide me.

Jenie · 08/10/2003 11:58

Jimjams

Just caught up with this thread again, ds still bangs his head but less so now, he still does it in quite a vicious way and still has bruises and carpet burn on his head and nose sometimes.

He doesn't mind when we all leave the room (infact I think that it may make him even more cross) but I'm going to continue trying until my copy of Toddler Taming arrives.

marialuisa · 08/10/2003 12:11

One technique that's recommended for "physical" tantrums is locking them in a cuddle (not pindown!!). Sometimes in a tantrum children become carried away by the force of their emotions and (eventually) it becomes calming/reassuring for them to know that someone can control it.

I've had to do this with my 8 year old brother a few times and it does seem to work (although due to his size and strength it's quite exhausting!)

aloha · 08/10/2003 12:24

Tinyfeet, if the tantrums are always at the same time I'd suspect tiredness or hunger. Maybe a snack just before the meltdown time would help. Plus lots of distraction. I often say 'OOOH! LOOOK!" and have no idea what I'm going to say next or point to...

tinyfeet · 08/10/2003 13:50

Marialuisa, I have tried the strong hold cuddle, but that causes her to writhe and strike me, which really gets me mad. I'm pregnant now, so my reactions and temper are somewhat unpredictible, and I have less control. So, I've stopped trying to pick her up and hold her and comfort her in that way when the tantrums happen - which is almost always around 5:30pm. Yesterday, I tried something totally different - Aloha - I think you are right. I had been holding off on giving DD dinner until DH comes home from work, so we could all eat together - STUPID ME!! Yesterday, at just around 5:30pm, I sat DD in her high chair and gave her dinner - and she ate well and happily without throwing a tantrum. After she finished eating, she was in good spirits, and played happily with her toys on her own or with me. When DH came home, he and I sat down for dinner, and she was asking for some of our food, so we sat her down again in the high chair, and gave her a second meal! She ate another portion of pasta and chicken- again happily. I'm wondering if I've been starving the poor child - I couldn't believe how much she ate.

Anyway, thanks for the advice - I'll continue this early meal thing and see if the tantrums continue.

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