How do i explain sex to a 4yr old?

[pesha]

Have just been reading the 'furry bottom' thread and followed the links to the menstruation threads and i totally agree with the being very open and honest and straight forward so that its something they can always talk to you about and dont feel embarrassed by. But i havent really told my dd (4.10) about anything yet as she hasnt specifically asked. She knows where babies come from but not how they get there. I would like to have a talk with her and not wait for her to come to me and especially now she's just started school as you never know what they're gonna hear from other kids.

So i want to be straight with her, none of this "mummy and daddy have special cuddles to make a baby", but i dont know how much to tell her, i dont want to give her tmi but i dont want to not give her enough and leave her confused either.

I think i will prob sit down and tell her some things and then let her ask questions if theres anything more she wants to know and let her guide me iyswim but i still would really like some advice as to what to tell her at first and what not to say etc. Dont get me wrong im not thinking about explaining orgasms and positions and things just the basics but not quite sure what constitutes the basics for a 4yr old.

I dont remember ever having this conversation myself as a child and could never talk to my mum or anyone about sex or periods or anything and i really dont want it be like that for me and her.

TIA

Despite a relatively proactive approach to sex ed, I do agree that some of the clothes about are so inappropriate for the ages theya re intended for.

I think drugs ed depends on where you live? I had to explain to my DS that if he sees needles chucked over the fence (old house) (it never happened but we had been warned it did to neighbours regularly) that he mustn't touch. I don't always see things as my sight isn't great. I had a very brief discussion on drugs, how could I not?

Re the 'how does the seed get in'

I would say, there is a special place in a muumy and the seed gets in through there. And then I would stop and check understanding, saying something like 'Is that OK?' I would then stop giving inforamtion

If the child then asks for more information I would probably say, the special place is in a Mummies 'bits' (whatever pet name you use), but this only happens in grown ups. I would then chack understanding and again stop giving information.

And so on.

In practice, neither of mine wanted that much information at 5, dd was far closer to 8 before she asked that level of question.

At this age keep it very sinple and leave the diagrams until much later

Maybe your children were just not particularly curious or technically minded then.. but I know when I asked any questions as a child I wanted to know EVERYTHING from very young. I continued this way in school so that teachers were explaining GCSE level science subjects to me in primary school because I needed to know how and why everything worked the way it did.
If my child is easily satisfied with a simple explanation then I'll stop, but I'm never going to tell her that she's too young for answers.

Hmm, you have never met my dd then!

At 4 a sample question, what is that? it is a pylon
What does it do? takes electricity from the powerstation where it is made to our houses.

How does the electricity get down the wires?

And I don't tell her she is too young for the answers, and never have. My point is when they are satisgfied, they stop asking questions.

I have also dealt with, 'When god made the world, what did he make it from?'

'Why does the sky go red at the end of the day?'

And why is the sky blue?

I don't believe in keeping children in ignorence, simply in not forcing the issue. I think you have mistaken me for other poster, or have misread my meaning.

happymerryberries

I think you have summed it up perfectly.

I'm sorry happymerryberries, I had mistaken you for another poster and I do very much agree with the things you have posted on this topic.
Its the people who are outraged at the idea of telling a five year old I disagree with, because I don't see how you can avoid telling a child if they really want to know without making them feel its something shameful or dirty.

I quite agree!

Since I tell kids all about sex at KS3/4/5 in school I'm largly blush proof myself

Just like to say thank you everyone for all your advice. When i started this i knew i needed to answer her but wasnt really sure how. Hearing evryone else's opinions has really helped me work through what my own are. I think reading posts that i disagreed with so strongly made me realise what it was i felt and then hearing that other people feel the same as me has given me an extra boost that im doing the right thing for my children.

So i am going to buy a book suitable for 4-5 year olds, i feel i need to raise it somehow with her as ive missed answering the few times when she's asked me, and then will answer any questions she may ask. If she just wants a little info then thats all ill give her, if she wants the whole caboodle then ill tell her that too (in an appropriate way for a 4 yo obviously )