daughter screaming from 6am - advice needed!

[MiniPharm]

For the past week my 2.5-year old daughter has started screaming the house down when she wakes at 6am. She's always woken at this time but until recently was happy enough playing with her toys and books until we got up (about 7.30am). The new behaviour coincides with us finally getting rid of her dummy. She makes so much noise that our upstairs neighbours have complained, and obviously it's awful for my partner and me having to listen to her. She just screams/shouts/cries until we finally get up. We've tried lots of things - going through to her room to explain that she needs to be quiet, giving her books to read, taking away her toys, giving her milk etc etc - but nothing has worked and it's creating a really unpleasant situation where we're all exhausted and fed up before we've even started the day. She's definitely old enough to realise what she's doing and I just don't know how to stop it.

has anyone got any ideas? i'd be very grateful.

Can't you just get up with her?

How would that help, Memoo? Yes it would stop her crying, but it would also mean that I become (even more) tired and encourage her to believe that she will get her own way simply by crying/making enough fuss.

I think you're being unrealistic to expect a 2 year old to sit quietly in her cot for all this time.

I know its tiring, my DD is up at 5 some mornings, but you need to find other ways to deal with it and its not like you're actually getting any rest anyway is it?

Can't you and DH take it in turns to get up early with her?

I appreciate your comments, particularly as they weren't what I was expecting!

However, I don't think I am being unrealistic. In fact, she HAS stayed in her room, playing and reading books, every morning for at least the past year. And she's in a big bed, so it's not like she's stuck in a cot unable to move...

It's a very new thing, triggered by losing her dummy a week ago.

I DO need to find a way to deal with it - hence my post. But the solution, for me, is NOT to get up at 6am just to stop a toddler screaming.

There must be other solutions out there...

Did you really not expect to be advised to get up?

I suppose you could try giving her some new exciting toys but the novelty will soon wear off.

Either give her her dummy back or get up - 6am isn't that early

I agree with the others - just get up with her. It's not a big deal to get up at six with a toddler but it is a big deal to expect her to entertain herself for an hour and a half. It's not 'giving in' to her, it's just being a parent.

When she's older you'll be able to get her one of those clocks that will tell her when it's ok to get up.

Don't all toddlers wake up then? I'd be delighted with 6am as it is usually 5.45 here and every minute counts. It is only recently that my nearly 4 year old has been waking up at 7am, so it won't last forever.

I suggest going to bed earlier yourself and keep telling yourself that it won't be forever.

I think if you canvassed lots of people with toddlers you'd realise that this was the time that lots of toddlers get up and it will balance out when they drop naps/start school eventually.
You have removed her source of comfort (dummy) and therefore her next source of comfort is you.
There is no resolution- a child of this age will not stay in their room on their own for that length of time without comfort.

My advice-if you can't survive without the sleep (most people get up before 7 because they have to leave for work so that's also why you're not gettine any sympathy)-give her the dummy back-just take it away in the day. I had 1 at night up tp age 6 and my teeth are fine.

6am is a normal time for a toddler to wake up, to be honest, especially if they are in bed for 7-8pm and are sleeping deeply. Your DD is now a toddler and realising she can assert herself in a way she did not realise when she was even a few months younger. You can bribe her / use reward charts / treats if she stays in bed playing quietly, but she is a willful toddler like many willful toddlers and she wants to be out there using her active mind and engaging with the world (there is a development explosion at 2 years old). It's usual for a toddler to wake up and want to get up even at 6am - she'll start sleeping in later (perhaps) or playing quietly (perhaps) past 3years old (perhaps!) but for now she is exhibiting classic toddler behaviour.

Try rewards/bribery otherwise you need to get up with her and go to bed earlier yourself.

Agreed it is a lot to ask to have her entertain herself for so long - personally I would not do that when she is so young.

She's definitely old enough to realise what she's doing....... hmmm so are you

You need to get out of bed and look after your child.

You need to get up with her. She is clearly upset and you are pissing your neighbours off. 6am is normal toddler waking time and she will grow out of it in a couple of years.

get up and play with her, sorry. you are expecting her to hang out on her own for 90 minutes which probably feels like a lifetime to her.

at 2.5, just get up with her and go to bed earlier.

You could try one of those bunny clock type things, so she knows when it's ok to get up.

But tbh I think it's unlikely to work, that's more for when they want to start the day at 4 or 5. Either see if putting her to bed earlier/later makes her sleep in later, give her back the dummy, or get out of bed yourself (put cbeebies on and take the duvet downstairs with you if you're knackered).

The option of leaving her to scream is not going to win any support I'm afraid. It's not an unreasonable hour, and you're expecting her to entertain herself for an incredibly long time for such a little child. 6am is early, but it's not really that bad in kiddie terms. Believe me I know - dd1 is an 8am girl so imagine my shock when dd2 has done anything from 4.45am.

My DS started waking up at this time when he was this age. I did everything to try and persuade him to stay in bed, but he wasn't having any of it. You have to get up with her. In our house, our agreement is that if one of the kids wakes in the night I go to settle them, while my husband gets up every day at 6am with them. Sorry, I agree with the other posters, 6am is normal toddler waking time. I take it she doesn't have a daytime sleep. If she does, you need to drop or reduce it.

Oh, and go to bed earlier then you won't fell so tired

Wow. I was starting to think perhaps I was being unreasonable. Until i read your comment, defineme: "most people get up before 7 because they have to leave for work so that's also why you're not gettine any sympathy"

This can only mean that the people who have replied so far lead very different lifestyles to me (and everyone I know including all my friends and family!). I don't know anyone who gets up before 7.30 - and yes, we are all nice, hardworking people with good jobs etc.

I do NOT think getting up at 6am is normal, and I never will. I also don't think I am alone, or abnormal in this. Maybe it's a regional thing!

Bottom line is, I expect my daugter to learn how to fit into a routine that I consider normal. For me, normal means getting up no earlier than 7am.

If anyone has any advice on how I can encourage her to do this, I would welcome it.

I have typed a few things and deleted them because they read quite angrily.

Let's get a few things straight.

You have a young child who loves you.

You have taken away her dummy

You expect her to entertain herself for at least an hour when she hasn't seen you for what, 12 hours?

She is probably sitting in a wet, maybe even dirty nappy or desperate for the toilet if she is potty trained.

I really don't see what you want from us. All I can suggest if you really do want to abdicate this part of your parental responsibility to put her to bed later or put a tv in her room and let her watch cbeebies.

6am is perfectly normal for a toddler who goes to bed at 7am.

7pm

Op, you really can't make a child magically fit into a routine just because you deem it to be normal! My DS always woke early, he is now 9 and still does, its just the way he is and there is nothing I can do to change it.

Leaving your DD to "scream the house down" is imo emotionally damaging to the child.

Only you know if you can live with that

I have to admit that I think you are being rather inflexible for your child. There are times in parenting when things don't suit you but frankly they come first.

However, in the interest of trying to find a resolution for you rather than berating you I would suggest a compromise. What about considering getting up at 6:45? This is half way in-between both your needs. I recommend that you do this slowly, initially getting up at 6.10 to comfort her, then 6.15 etc.

She may have used to play for an hour or so but children change, it is part of their development. Also, the future is brighter - this won't be forever but in the meantime as a parent I do believe you will have to make some sacrifices even if only to try to re-establish your expectations.

By the way, I think the comment about most people getting up earlier is due to the fact that getting children to school, bags packed, off to work means you don't have enough time unless you get up early - I think if you remain this inflexible in your parenting you are in for quite a surprise as she grows up.

Would agree with other posters that you are probably going to have to get up with her at 6am, it really is a perfectly normal getting up time for most people I know with young children and those I know who get up later either don't have kids or have older children who can get up themselves if they want to. And even then 7.30am would be way too late for them to get themselves and their kids (if they have them) sorted and off to work/school on time!

Both my dd and ds have been/are early wakers, dd was regularly up at 5.30am and now she is older (3) and no longer had naps in day she sleeps in longer in the morning but sometimes she still wakes up at 6am. My ds (1) wakes every day between 5am and 5.45.

With both of them we have tried various strategies to get them to go back to sleep or entertain themselves but nothing has worked for any longer than 20 mins or so, if that. Have tried leaving my ds and going into him every 10 mins but he will not go back to sleep, have suggested my dd plays with toys in her room etc but we have concluded that a) they are not tired so won't go back to sleep and b) that they are too young to entertain themselves for long periods.

We therefore get up with them when they wake, although I have to admit that when my ds wakes before 5.45 we do leave him to grumble as that really is too early! However if he's really screaming we go and get him as he'll wake dd and we don't get any rest either.

MiniPharm, what time does your DD go to bed? If you want her to wake at 7am then that wake up time will dictate the go-to-bed time, iyswim.

Please let us know and then we can help see how we can get your DD to sleep to a time that suits your family.

Please also write down a typical day for her eg naptimes, meal times, daycare etc.

MiniPharm, I suppose that I am 'lucky' in that I have had a 'trainable' DS. At 2.5 he started getting up super early so we got a gro-clock (it's better than the bunny one).

I am fully aware that I'm in the very small minority with this.

I don't think that I want to be getting up before 7am. Therefore if I did get up with him, then there's no telly, he has his breakfast at 7am. He can play with toys, but nothing too exciting. (I kind of think that the people who want cbeebies on all night are a bit, well, mental. Why do you want your child to think that entertainment can be had before 7am!? )

I've got him to 7.25am now he's 3.6 and we've been doing this for over a year. He knows that if he wakes me up (and sometimes he does (drink, covers, wee etc) he's got about 2 sentences out of me and then I;m going back to bed. He doesn't try to get up before the 'sun is up' and he trots into my room at 07.25.

I'm pg with the second one, and probably going to learn the hard way that DS has been a fluke!

Babies are babies, but at 2.5 they don't need to be getting up at stupid o'clock, and IMvery limitedE they can be trained to get up later.

She's only 2 nad a half for goodness sake! Get up with her! - both my DDs are early risers - we're never in bed past 6.45, usually up earlier. On the plus side we're NEVER late for school and at the weekend when one of us gets a lie in it feels wonderful to sleep til 7.30!

You have been a little spoilt, TBH. But then I'm lucky as I'm very spoilt, as my DSs have usually woken up naturally around 7.00 am. Sometimes my DS2 will wake up around half an hour earlier, and I have to get up with him.

However, if you want to get a little bit of extra time, there are a few things you could try.

Firstly, you have to make sure her room is DARK. If she wakes up and the sun is up, no way is she going back to sleep. TBH, it really needs to be too dark for her to see her toys, so apart from a cuddly toy, no point in giving other toys in there. Buy some blockout lining if you need and attach it to the back of the curtains, or temporarily drape a blanket over the windows.

Secondly, you could get one of those timed clocks (sleeping bunny, etc) and set it for 10 minutes later than she is waking up. If she knows that you're going to come in when the clock lights up/changes picture etc, then she might settle down for those 10 minutes. You could then VERY GRADUALLY stretch that out to 15 minutes, and so on. But this may not work!!!

Also, you've taken away her comforter, her dummy. Could it be replaced with something? DS2 replaced his dummy on his own with muslin cloths. Sucks on them like mad!!! Not ideal, but for me better than a dummy (and replaceable if lost unlike other types of comforters!!!)

But if this doesn't work, then you will just have to get up. At least until she's old enough to get up on her own and amuse herself safely, which won't be for quite awhile yet.