NCT 'friend' just said that DS shows early autistic signs.

[homemama]

I've just come back from coffee with one of the mums in my NCT group and I was discussing how I'd posted on here last wk as I was worried that DS was a little hyperactive. She agreed then said that she didn't want to worry me but that she saw some early autistic signs in him. She said she knew a lot of autistic children and that it goes hand in hand with ADHD. She said the fact he flaps his arms, jerks his head a little and doesn't clap or point are signs. Her DD is older at 10.5mths and does both of these. She also said about how he obsesses about things like the phone and the shiny bin. She told me the red book says pointing at 9mths but can't find mine to check as were moving in 4 days.

I had thought he was different but didnt occur to me he may be autistic as he copies me, cries when I leave the room,plays, answers his name (to me and DH only tho)and he is in no way passive. I had to leave early as I thought I as going to cry and now am shaking.
Sorry about sp etc as I'm feeling very anxious.
I don't want to be a neurotic mother but when she said it I felt sick to my stomach and spent the drive home thinking if there were other signs.
any advice would be great before I drive myself crazy by checking the internet.

Don't let anyone but a doctor make a diagnosis all our kids develop at different speeds and rates and I am sure we have all thought our children have autism or some other development problem at some stage... I am not saying your friend is right or wrong but if you are worried about your child, talk to your doctor -- and soon to put your mind at rest..

just read back. He's 9.5mths BTW

Just looked in my red book and the 6-9 month section goes on about how baby is feeding and if baby bables it says nothing about pointing.

babbles not bables.

Thanks for replying quickly. As I said I don't want to analyse everything but being told that made me feel sick with worry.
I do think he's a little hyper. Never still, never calm but I didnt know the 2 were connected.

totally normal imo. Ds only just atarted pointing and he's 16 months!

How dare she.

Mancmum's post is excellent.

DS has only just started pointing properly (with index finger) and he's 16mo.

He clapped at about a year.

Your friend is very wrong and I'm cross she's worried you, very very probably needlessly

Snap dino. Correct to put "friend" in inverted commas, homemama.

People who make these sort of comments are very stupid, very crass or very thoughtless. Or all three. Autism is not something anyone without knowledge or experience can dabble in - it's not like saying 'oh, I thought you were a Virgo, you are always so tidy' FFS.

Do you think these idiots stop for minute to consider the havoc their off the cuff and ill-informed comments cause? My nephew's reception teacher had the cheek - and the ignorance - to frighten the life out of my SIL with an instant diagnosis of autism. Because nephew was not the perfect obedient child in his first few weeks at school and quite liked his own company, thanks very much. Like the daft woman had a clue about diagnosis, and what it involves, or, indeed, autism. Nephew is absolutely fine and I'm sure your ds will be - don't let ignorant, irresponsible people worry you.

Thanks everyone. I'm a little calmer now. I came straight in and posted after leaving her as I was so stressed.
TBH, I wouldnt call her a friend. She's just someone I met at NCTclasses who happens to live quite close so we meet for coffee once a fortnight.
Edam, I'm a teacher myself but I wouldn't have a clue about diagnosing a child with anything!

To add another voice of reassurance, homemama - just noticed that ds2 (15.5months) is pointing at things now - it's the first time I've noticed him doing it. I'm fairly certain that ds1 didn't point much before 15 months either. Like hunkermunker, think he started clapping at around a year too.

Easier to say than to do, I know, but don't worry

at that silly woman, homemama! I'd tell her you don't want to worry her but you think she shows early signs of neuroses finding autism where it isn't!

Exactly - I'm a medical journalist but would never be so daft as to try diagnosing someone. However hard my MIL tries to make me! It's difficult enough for properly qualified docs - I know, I edit the clinical pages on one medical publication and you would not believe, for instance, how many different things there are that cause rashes that are very similar in experience. The page I was doing on rashes last week was full of 'take a skin scraping and get someone who knows what they are doing to look at it under a microscope' and 'x can easily be confused with y'. And that's just rashes!

And can't remember when mine started pointing but I don' think either of them was under a year .

sigh... 'appearance' NOT 'experience'. What was I thinking?

I'm another one who's ds has only just recently started pointing. He is 15 1/2 months.

The irony is that if I'd been worried about ASD I would have been on here asking you lot for advice and here I am asking for advice about the 'advice'.
I remembered reading a post by Jimjams about how pointing should be in place before 18mths so I hadn't thought to worry about it yet.

First of all, I agree with all the other posters - your child sounds 'normal' - whatever normal is. My daughter clapped around the age your son is now, but wasn't pointing until may months later.

How can people be so thoughtless and cruel? I think that at your next coffee meet you should let her know how much her comments worried you and how baseless they were. Might make her think before she makes someone else so worried with her diagnoses.

would just like to agree with all the other posters - your ds is very young and your friend is not qualified to make this diagnosis. I think it's appalling that she said this, I can't imagine how anyone could possibly diagnose a 9.5mth baby for autism anyway.

Try not to worry, although I know we all do, but it doesn't sound like there is any actual basis for concern with your ds.

I have a friend who has said a similar thing to me. In fact she says both her and my child exhibit some signs and then for good measure suggests my dp shows signs as well.

Everyone's a Doc these days.