NCT 'friend' just said that DS shows early autistic signs.

[homemama]

I've just come back from coffee with one of the mums in my NCT group and I was discussing how I'd posted on here last wk as I was worried that DS was a little hyperactive. She agreed then said that she didn't want to worry me but that she saw some early autistic signs in him. She said she knew a lot of autistic children and that it goes hand in hand with ADHD. She said the fact he flaps his arms, jerks his head a little and doesn't clap or point are signs. Her DD is older at 10.5mths and does both of these. She also said about how he obsesses about things like the phone and the shiny bin. She told me the red book says pointing at 9mths but can't find mine to check as were moving in 4 days.

I had thought he was different but didnt occur to me he may be autistic as he copies me, cries when I leave the room,plays, answers his name (to me and DH only tho)and he is in no way passive. I had to leave early as I thought I as going to cry and now am shaking.
Sorry about sp etc as I'm feeling very anxious.
I don't want to be a neurotic mother but when she said it I felt sick to my stomach and spent the drive home thinking if there were other signs.
any advice would be great before I drive myself crazy by checking the internet.

no, not at all hmb- I think your post sums it up really well (and its very unfortunate that more teacher's don't understand what they are dealing with).

Gosh, I am so grateful to everyone who has replied and helped restore my sanity. I am no longer worrying about what she said and I can see now that she had no experience, information or qualifications to base her stupid comments on. DH said her remark about "knowing lots of autistic children" sounded like when homophobes say, 'some of my best friends are gay.'
I'm angry at her but more bloody angry at myself for blubbling instead of telling her to shut up.

I've decided that NCT groups often create false friendships where people have nothing more in common that the fact they are mothers. As we are moving on Mon, I don't need to see her again!

Thanks again to everyone, especially those MN's who DO live with ASD every day. People like her must make you so cross.

homemama, your last post made me laugh, the bit about "some of my best friends are gay"!!! I think this is actually a wonderful thread as its what MN is all about imo. I'm glad you posted and didn't just let her get to you, silly cow she sounds! You're right about those "fake" friendships that spring up, you never know which ones are real and will last but this certainly isn't one of them! A big kick up her ar*e from me! (better than hugs).

i feel the same about the NCT fake friendships. Sometimes they do seem to be thin veils for competitiveness. The mother and baby group is the same, tho i have met a few genuine people, one of the best being an au pair! I wouldn't have been able to stop myself insulting that woman homemama - well done for rising above it.

homemama I'm really glad you are feeling much better about this now.

Hi Jimjams, I didn't take it as a dig! I would agree with you from watching my nephew, who genuinely seems to come from another planet, and struggles hugely to understand this one. But I am struck by the huge variation of opinions on autism amoungst different professionals who work with affected children. A piece of work I am currently involved in is looking to develop some autism pathways, and we are really struggling to get an understanding of common features/needs/challenges in order to get started.

Anyway, sorry homemama, bit of a side issue to your thread, I'm glad you are feeling better about all this - it's amazing how much a throwaway comment from a relative stranger can make us all worry so!

I think its incredibly difficult to establish common pathways as the needs/problems are so diverse! The autistic children I know vary so much. BTW-I'm heading into autism research- maybe we should keep in contact

I laughed at the "knowing lots of autistic children comment as well" homemamma.

EEEEEEK! That woman sounds like such an asshole (I am referring to first post in this thread - haven't read the whole thread, sorry).
Just forget her. All mums of autistic kids on this sight have mentioned, BTW, that lack of pointing is not an issue until child is 18 months. So you have a long way to go before you have to worry. Same goes for not waving. I reckon waving at ten months is early (and didn't you say your son was younger than that?)
My dd did all these things late, and was also a bit hyper until 18 months or so, then she settled down. She was slow to start talking but now, at 2.6, she has significantly more sophisticated speech than most of the kids from her playgroup who got going with speech at age one.
I know this sounds just like callow boasting- but I can't resist it!
I'm sure everything will be fine. If your 'friend' makes anymore remarks, tell her to mind her own business.

Hope you feel reassured by post in this thread. Some mothers transfer all their competitiveness from the workplace to their children's development - poor children ! Have no experience of what you are going through specifically - it is always difficult when your child is different from the norm in any way. A paediatrician really upset me by saying my dd was on a low centile for weight and wasn't putting on enough. She had just had bad croup and sickness ! That was 10 years ago - she is still very small for her age like my dh's family - will never be huge - but is healthy, strong and v good at gymnastics !

I remember so anxious and hyperclose to my ddd when she was little - you still worry when they get older, but it is easier to ignore other people. Am afraid I found NCT hard to cope with - and am certain people are not always truthful in such groups - it's hard to admit you are finding things tough. Why can't people keep their opinions to themselves unless asked, or they know you very well and are genuine friends ? The best of luck - hope you find better friends when you move.

I think she is a silly cow whose 'advice' should be ignored. He is far too little for anything like to be remotely relevant now. Do try not to worry, although I know exactly how upsetting those comments can be. Someone said to me once, when she saw my five-year-old had transposed a 'd' and a 'b', 'Did you know that's a classic sign of dyslexia?'
I felt really worried, then heard elsewhere that its completely normal for little ones to do this.
Try to have a big handful of salt ready, next time she says something to you. Honestly, some people...

It sounds like a little knowledge is a bad thing. It is true about pointing being a flag, but tbh I wouldn't expect a 9 month old to be pointing. Everyone's said everything I would have said anyway, but just wanted to agree with everyone who said she sounds a stupid interfering woman!