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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Feeding to sleep - how can something so lovely be wrong?!

51 replies

heliotrope · 02/08/2010 11:47

Have a 6 week old DS, I know it is early for routines but have been reading baby whisperer advice on not feeding to sleep, teaching baby to settle in their cot etc. I think she talks a lot of sense.

But, reading her makes me start thinking that I'm doing something 'wrong' when I let him cuddle and feed until really relaxed and falls asleep and then pop him in the cot (or just leave him in my bed as I might also be asleep by then! This is so nice for everyone involved - how can it be wrong? Do I really need to start stressing about this?!

I do put him down in cot sometimes as I don't want to put him on the boob with the sole purpose of making him sleep, and it is fine although we always have some cross crying before he finally settles.

Would love to hear experiences of anyone who has not stressed about all the routine stuff and just made the most of the lovely feeding times - is there an age that it is better not to do this - any problems stored up for later (as Baby whisperer would have it!).

Thanks

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ArthurPewty · 02/08/2010 11:52

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StarlightMcKenzie · 02/08/2010 11:52

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moaningminniewhingesagain · 02/08/2010 11:53

It isn't wrong, I'm with Leonie.

I have just fed my 19mo to sleep for his nap. Everyone is happy, what's the problem?

rabbitstew · 02/08/2010 11:56

I never had any problems - both mine were always good at going to sleep, even after stopping breastfeeding (when about 13 months old). To avoid them falling asleep at the breast when they were little (up to at least 6 months), I would have been forced to wake them up deliberately, just to then try to get them to go to sleep in their cots - what a stupid waste of time, and pretty unkind to the happily sleeping baby. So long as you do occasionally have to put your ds to bed whilst awake, I really don't see why it has to be a "problem" if he sometimes (invariably after his last night feed...) has to be put in the cot already asleep. As your ds gets older, there will be more occasions when you have to put him to bed whilst still awake - I'd bother about it then, and not while he's still so small that the chances of his not being asleep after having a feed are pretty remote.

Chil1234 · 02/08/2010 11:56

I think it's normal for a baby that young to be falling asleep at the end of a bottle or a BF..... Warm milk is a very traditional sleep-inducing drink, even for adults!

Babieseverywhere · 02/08/2010 11:57

It isn't wrong to feed to sleep....ever.

I have not bothered with routines and always fed by babies to sleep and will do with DC3 (if he/she ever arrives)

I find as they get older, they learn to self settle and go down to sleep awake all on their own, no need to 'train' this into them. Just be patient and wait until they are old enough and ready to move to the next stage on their own terms.

That said I also co-sleep and it takes a while to move them into their own beds. DS is moving across now at just under 2 years old. If I look back, I have had a lot more sleep overall, with the go with the flow attitude with baby number 2 than I did with baby number 1 who was in her own room at 5 months old.

Short answer do what suits you and your child and burn any book which makes you question your parental instincts.

CMOTdibbler · 02/08/2010 11:57

I fed DS to sleep, didn't have a routine, and co-slept part time. By a year old, he didn't want to be fed to sleep anymore, but it only took a week to help him go to sleep on his own (no cry sleep solution is great).

At 18 months, he slept through the night, and from then on, he has been a dedicated 7-7 sleeper who will go to bed anywhere with no issues at all.

So, I don't think it's done any harm at all, and having a DS who is cuddly, lovable and totally confident in our ability to comfort him is fab

bronze · 02/08/2010 11:58

I'm another who still feeds to sleep at 15 months.
I did it with my others and guess what my other school age children all go to bed on their own fine.

I've got better and better at just relaxing and goign with the flow. I've been better than most fromt he beginning (wasnt pfbish) but I think its sad that its got to be my fourth child where I am truly happy and relaxed about my decisions

PaulineCampbellJones · 02/08/2010 12:01

I don't think it's wrong at all.
One of the lovliest memories of my DD as a tiny baby was the afternoon feed. We used to sneak off to do the feed in bed and she would drop off curled up on my chest and I would have a little snooze or read a book.
Like everyone says, do what works for you in the book and discard the rest. It certainly hasn't stopped my DD being able to go to sleep on her own.

LadySanders · 02/08/2010 12:04

i fed ds1 and ds2 to sleep and am now feeding dd to sleep. the boys slept through at 12 months. dd is now 6 months and only waking once a night for a feed.

so, i agree with all the others!

tablefor3 · 02/08/2010 12:07

Another one chiming in.

However, I did decide at about 5 months with DD that I would stop doing it, and make eating a "day time" thing. EG, the 6-7pm feed was done in a lit room, telly on maybe, then change nappy, into grobag etc. Did a 10pm dreamfeed in the dark and without waking her. At that time I also stopped feeding her in the night if she woke, but only because she slept through so regularly, that I felt that any waking was not actually feeding related.

But, that was DD, who knows what DC2 will do. I'm sure if DD wokr more often in the night, I would have fed her to sleep more often.

Anyway, good luck and enjoy the cuddles!

mybabylookslikepob · 02/08/2010 12:10

Sometimes I feed to sleep, sometimes I don't. DD can go to sleep on her own, sometimes - other times she needs lots of jiggling and singing - other times she needs feeding.

Every day is different, we just do what works at the time, and I think that's fine. I feel that wedging her into a routine would be stressful for both of us, and I'm happy to take each day as it comes, feeding to sleep if necessary - I just can't see anything wrong with that!

biddlek · 02/08/2010 12:12

I found DS started being awake around 8 months during his bedtime feed and just went to sleep on his own. A friend told me when he was young that both of hers did this, and I didn't really believe her! I wish I hadn't spent 8 months with the niggling feeling that "I shouldn't be doing this", and just enjoyed it, because it IS lovely!

pebblejones · 02/08/2010 12:12

I asked a similar question last week, my 17 week old has to cuddled or fed to sleep (even for naps). And I too had been told to look at the Baby Whisperer book. I love to feed to sleep at bed time, but do wish he could nap during the day without being walked up and down the hallway, therefore I really do need to bite the bullet and try the pick up put down technique. As my DH tells me, I am currently the only person who can settle him and that's not always convenient.

naomilpeb · 02/08/2010 12:17

I'd agree that in my experience it's not wrong at all! Particularly for a baby who is so little still. I don't think DD would have slept at all in the first months if I hadn't. Just enjoy it - I miss sitting in the armchair with a sleeping baby cuddled up to me and no way to get on with any jobs!

We started to try and get her to stay awake and go to sleep by herself at bedtime, when she was about 7 months. We did it then because she was taking long and longer to fall asleep at the breast and then often waking up after twenty minutes and needing it all over again - so it had clearly stopped working for her. Like some others, she made the transition from feeding to sleep to self-settling quite easily. We changed the routine of bath-story-milk to bath-milk-story and she got the idea fairly quickly.

midnightsun · 02/08/2010 12:21

Just enjoy your baby!

Books can be really useful if and when some aspect of your baby's habit pattern is driving you insane and you actively want to make changes to address issues.

If you are happy and baby's happy, don't fix what ain't broke.

willowstar · 02/08/2010 12:22

my little girl had severe reflux which meant that she HAD to be held upright for a good half hour after every feed for the first 5 months or so, so obviously she got fed then cuddled to sleep from birth. I decided to stop worrying about it when she was a month odl because there was nothing I could do about it and in a way it helped me to relax about everything else I am not 'supposed' to be doing.

she is now 10 months, I still breastfeed her and she can settle with or without milk, but I choose to feed her to sleep and hold her because it is lovely. When I say settle herself, I have to be with her or she cries her eyes out.

GO with your instincts and burn the stupid books that make you doubt yourself. How can something so natural be wrong???

JulesJules · 02/08/2010 12:29

It isn't wrong. It's a bonus.

Imo, the wrongness is in the heads of these self appointed 'experts' with books to sell who try and make you feel bad for not imposing some utterly bonkers regime routine on a 6 wk old baby.

So there

elvisgirl · 02/08/2010 12:31

Of course it is fine! If for some reason you reach a stage later on where you feel you are stuck with a child that can't fall asleep on their own & it is bothering you it can be addressed then & shouldn't take very long, even if you do it gradually, so why you should you & baby miss out on this precious time? When your child is a gobby teenager you will look back fondly on these times!

slhilly · 02/08/2010 12:42

Echo the comments above.

I will say that I found a book useful though. It was just a different book: "When your baby cries" by Deborah Jackson. I will always owe her a profound debt of gratitude simply for opening my eyes to the possibility of having a non-cry-ey baby. I had previously thought that babies had to cry -- that was what they did.

Oh, and I personally like the phrase "feeding on cue" much better than "feeding on demand".

primrose22 · 02/08/2010 13:02

Don't stop! Cherish those early days, use the books for guidance only and go with your instincts. My dc are now 9 and 5, I bf them both for 18mths and they both fell asleep on the breast, they are now happy and secure and trot off to bed in their own rooms quite happily each night! Enjoy your baby, its such a special time. Good luck x

AngelDog · 02/08/2010 13:58

Another vote for all the sentiments above. I spent the first month or two wishing my DS would feed to sleep. If I couldn't bf, there would be lots of tears (his and mine) and not much sleeping.

I did try the Baby Whisperer method in the early days and ended up with a non-sleeping overtired and frequently hysterical baby as a result. Now at 7 months I feed him to sleep at bedtime, in the night and for most naps. I am so grateful to have a method that works.

Use the books if they help you adapt to how your baby works but never do anything just because the books tell you to.

No method works for all babies, and babies have different ages at which they naturally learn to self-settle. I have friends whose babies learnt (without help) to self-settle at about 8 weeks, but know lots of others who need help sleeping until toddlerhood. For some reason the Baby Whisperer books assume that self-settling ought to happen from a young age, even when babies may not be ready to master that skill.

MarshaBrady · 02/08/2010 14:00

Feeding to sleep is lovely and not wrong

7 1/2 months and still doing it.

willowstar · 02/08/2010 14:21

can I just ask here, if you don't mind a bit of a diversion to the original post...

for those of you with older children, how did it work when you were not around? I start work in a month when my daughter will be 11 months and I am not sure how anyone else will get her to sleep as i am the only one who ever has and i feed her to sleep mainly.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 02/08/2010 14:28

Feeding to sleep is lovely, the way their eyes roll and they zonk out.

Had to feed DS (now 2) to sleep a couple of weeks ago because he'd got himself so over-excited and over-tired.

Go with your instincts and ignore the books.

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