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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Feeding to sleep - how can something so lovely be wrong?!

51 replies

heliotrope · 02/08/2010 11:47

Have a 6 week old DS, I know it is early for routines but have been reading baby whisperer advice on not feeding to sleep, teaching baby to settle in their cot etc. I think she talks a lot of sense.

But, reading her makes me start thinking that I'm doing something 'wrong' when I let him cuddle and feed until really relaxed and falls asleep and then pop him in the cot (or just leave him in my bed as I might also be asleep by then! This is so nice for everyone involved - how can it be wrong? Do I really need to start stressing about this?!

I do put him down in cot sometimes as I don't want to put him on the boob with the sole purpose of making him sleep, and it is fine although we always have some cross crying before he finally settles.

Would love to hear experiences of anyone who has not stressed about all the routine stuff and just made the most of the lovely feeding times - is there an age that it is better not to do this - any problems stored up for later (as Baby whisperer would have it!).

Thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

bronze · 02/08/2010 14:28

I'm a SAHM and haven't left him yet so I'm not much help on that score

I do know though that he will happily sit on his dads lap when tired and will sometimes drop off. He will have had a feed first though but sometimes he has a cup of cows milk in th evening because he wants to be like his siblings so I'm pretty sure if I was to leave with a bottle of ebm he would just drop off if he was happy

kalo12 · 02/08/2010 14:33

its brill and easy peasy. mine also slept in pram - good prams are worth their weight in gold imo, mountain buggy is a dream tripper!

ISNT · 02/08/2010 14:39

11 months is a long way off willowstar! Don't worry about that yet, really don't. Who knows what your baby will be doing by then!

On the feeding to sleep, I am not an AP type person at all, but i do BF, and certainly I fed both to sleep. Just trying to remember what happened with DD2 (she's 13 months). I think that when she had the hang of solids and drinking from a cup, I just dropped her evening feed (by not offering) and she didn't seem to notice. Certainly it was the same with DD2 - when I went back to work at 14months I was only feeding her once in bed in the morning - which is what I am still doing with DD2.

They are pretty flexible TBH - at least mine have been anyway - and when they've been full of supper and water and stuff they haven't seemed to notice me dropping teh bedtime feed.

You really really don't need to be even thinking about this stuff until a month or so before you go back

MrsSawdust · 02/08/2010 14:45

Willowstar - I went back to work when dd was 12 months and was still feeding her to sleep. I was worried about how others would get her down for her nap.

My parents got her to sleep by rocking her in the pram. My Childminder just rocked her in her arms for a minute, put her down in the cot, rubbed her back a little and hey presto! Fast asleep.

If you are not there to feed her to sleep she will find another way to sleep. Don't worry.

OP, my dd is now 23 months and I still feed her to sleep. It's so lovely. And I am convinced, not wrong at all. In fact, totally right. Ignore the books - or just take the bits you like and ignore the bits you don't.

Caz10 · 02/08/2010 14:51

OP - reassuring threadhere

teatowel104 · 02/08/2010 19:42

I fed DD to sleep and it worked a treat all round - but like you I felt like this would cause problems in the future and wasn't a good idea.

I wish I hadn't worried as it was all fine - she started self-settling for naps and at night at around 12 months and we never looked back until a few bad weeks recently (teething/sleep regression?).

If it works for you and you have a happy baby don't beat yourself up. I think it's lovely that there's something we can do which makes babies so happy and relaxed they can get to sleep and be comforted when they're feeling crap.

Poppet45 · 02/08/2010 22:21

Feeding DS (almost 1) to sleep here too, and now those awful books I read at the start of his babyhood are just a bad memory, I am just loving it more and more. I started just feeding him to sleep at night, and did shush pat for naps, because those books and certain health visitors made me feel I was doing something so wrong. I suppose I am glad he has got that option for DH to get him to fall asleep, but laziness and sentimentality on my part mean I now feed him to sleep more and more. DS had terrible colic when he was small, and even when that went it meant he never, ever 'cried down' as those matronly types insist all babies do just before they drop off to sleep. He only ever cried up and up and got more hysterical if he was even half awake when he was popped in the cot.
But you know what, even though I've done everything 'wrong' according to those blasted experts, in the last couple of weeks he's been getting more and more relaxed about it all, and is starting to be able to roll over, huff and puff then settle himself when he's put in there sleepy but slightly awake. I am so relieved and I really am hopeful that he will get there in his own time, and so will your little one. Babies have been learning how to fall asleep this way for thousands of years.

seeker · 02/08/2010 22:28

It's lovely, it's not wrong, it makes your baby feel happy and safe and loved, and if you want a book to tell you in proper published print, then look for Deborah Jackson.

Habbibu · 02/08/2010 22:35

My mum trained as a nursery nurse in the 1950s-60s, and worked in residential care. Right at the time of increased rigidity, scheduling, blah blah. When dd was wee, and I was stressing over this, she said "Imagine you're the baby. You're warm, you're being cuddled, you're drinking milk, you've a got a full tummy. YOU'D fall asleep. It's natural". And she was right. It was a bugger when dd gave it up... That said, ds sleeps a bit better if he just wakes for a few seconds when you put him down, but he's not as easy to feed to sleep as dd was anyway - way too distractible...

littlemisslozza · 02/08/2010 22:36

It's not wrong at all, it's really lovely, but a real pain if they start waking in the night and that is the only way they go back to sleep.....

DS1 was like this, and it took until he was two until he would reliably sleep through the night. When DS2 was born (bf too) I decided that from approx 3 months old he needed to be able to settle himself off to sleep without being fed. To have tried any earlier than that would have been pointless as he often fell asleep on the breast as tiny babies do, and it is so lovely aving those newborn cuddles. I am not keen on controlled crying so I've never tried that, just put him in his cot awake but tired, with a 'blanky' to hold and his dummy. He would grumble quietly for a few minutes then drop off to sleep.
He is nearly 1 and a MUCH better sleeper than DS1, settles himself off to sleep for naps and bedtime in less than 5 mins.

littlemisslozza · 02/08/2010 22:37

oops, 'having'

Habbibu · 02/08/2010 22:39

"just put him in his cot awake but tired, with a 'blanky' to hold and his dummy. He would grumble quietly for a few minutes then drop off to sleep." that always sounds miraculous to me - mine were really not that kind of child at all - we got full on screaming from the start. Thankfully, dd was a cracking sleeper from 0-6mo, and then 12mo on (will gloss over the intervening months). ds is a work in progress, but improving.

littlemisslozza · 02/08/2010 22:45

I think my boys must be quite chilled out thankfully Habbibu... good luck with your DS.

colditz · 02/08/2010 22:46

Do what you want, babies can't read so they don't know what they are supposed to be doing.

Habbibu · 02/08/2010 22:49

Oh, he's getting there. I was a terrible sleeper, so that's coming back to bite me. I remember being amazed at baby groups to see these babies just dropping off... dd is fantastic now, bless her, and still having an afternoon nap at 3.10.

AngelDog · 03/08/2010 20:22

Even the author of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, who recommends that babies should be left to scream alone in their room in order to learn to 'self-soothe' says that breastfeeding a baby to sleep is normal, what most bfing mothers do, and doesn't necessarily cause sleep problems at all. (He is a paediatrician with experience of running a sleep disorders clinic for children.)

solo · 03/08/2010 20:26

I still feed mine to sleep ~ she's 3.7yo. I do wish she'd been a baby that would go to bed and go to sleep, but she wasn't and still isn't. I don't see any harm in it, but it can turn into a habit...certainly not in a baby as young as OP's though.

abr1de · 03/08/2010 20:29

If you like feeding to sleep, great.

But it is very useful to be able to leave an older baby or toddler with a grandparent for bedtime and go out. Without worrying that they won't be able to settle to sleep.

logrrl · 03/08/2010 20:33

BW is a load of shit. Wolf in sheeps clothing.

Its not just me, I've got company...

sheeplikessleep · 03/08/2010 20:46

Such a reassuring thread, thank you so much.

I am feeding DS2 to sleep, he's 5 months old this weekend and he's just gone through 6 weeks of difficult sleep / growth spurt. Lots of others saying it's because I'm feeding him to sleep why he's been waking up 5 times a night.

Anyway, last few nights he's back to his 2 nightly feeds.

I do sometimes wonder if that's why he's waking though, as he isn't hungry in the night, he is coming to me for comfort. Not that I have anything against that, but I hope to get a nights sleep in the not too distant future I am trying to rock him to sleep a bit now, so I have another 'bad habit' up my sleeve.

OrmRenewed · 03/08/2010 20:46

It isn't.

SweetGrapes · 03/08/2010 20:52

My dd (9) and ds (4) both breastfed to sleep and have no sleep porblems at all.
dd used to wake through the night for a while, ds slept through right from the start.
It's lovely - not wrong!

alittleteapot · 03/08/2010 20:56

Totally agree - it's lovely and if it works don't change it. I used to worry about this with dd who I fed to sleep for at least the first year and a quarter. I'm not worrying at all with ds who is 10 months. I think it's a great way of them developing a positive relationship with sleep - it gives them so much warmth and security. Keep going!
(PS I read the Baby Whisperer too and tried some of her stuff with dd, but dd hadn't read the book so we callled it quits. Try reading The Baby Book by William Sears instead!

alittleteapot · 03/08/2010 20:57

ps dd is now three and sleeps like a dream.

LaDiDaDi · 03/08/2010 21:11

It is not wrong, it is lovely.

Babies have been doing this for a lot longer than deluded HVs have been telling mummies not to!

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