daytime nap battles ...

[oliv]

my 3 month old ds is driving me loopy, every day we have the same battle over naps. he's shattered but won't let himself go. instead he gets in a rage, thrashing about, and the only way to get him to calm down is to swaddle him firmly and hold him tightly with a dummy in his mouth until he calms down. then i can put him down, but usually only in his car seat rather than flat in his cot (which is on a slant because he has reflux). at night he goes to sleep on his own quite easily (though doesn't sleep through) have tried nipping it in the bud before he gets tired, but this doesn't work. have tried a mobile over his cot but no joy there either. any ideas?

that sounds terrible doesn't it? but unless i hold him in my arms he gets more and more frantic

Does he fall asleep if you feed him?

he has just kind of comfort sucked and dropped off this time, but he's not really hungry

Have you tried putting your hands over his eyes to block out stimuli when you first put him down before he gets all ragy? Found this worked quite well until dd could pull my hands away.

well its worth the comfort suck thing isnt it?
I would just do that!

the thing is even the comfort suck thing doesn't always work - yesterday he just sucked for a bit then got cross again. will try hand over eyes - have tried to turn off all noise and go into darkened room but once he's down he just wakes up again and gets annoyed, usually

could you leave him to cry? or is he relentless?
I really feel for people who have trouble with babies sleeping!

utterly relentless! i've never seen him cry himself out, i've tried leaving him with and without mobile going while i get on with things i have to do and he just gets more and more het up, tears streaming etc etc

poor thing...both of you!
Really dont know what to suggest! Mine all ask to go to bed!!! Well not so much the big ones now!!
Does he have a comfort blanket or anything!
or can you get him to be attatched to something that stays in his cot? a muslin square etc?

he's attached to muslins, it's very cute, at night he sleeps with one held in both hands. but in the day all of this goes out the window. we used to have this at night too, and he doesn't need much help/ rocking etc now, so i guess we'll get there eventually!

good luck! gtg. all want food!!!

My ds1 was exactly the same as yours. I tried everthing that people told me to do. Like your suggestions plus more. Nothing worked. So for the 1st year he never slept in the day at all. People could not belive it as he slept so well at night. Since then i have found many people that have had the same problem. Its hard but he may just not be a sleeping baby. He may want much more action/stimulation during the day as mine did. When my ds1 finally got to 1 years old i could only get him to sleep by either taking him out in the car or buggy (which only worked 1 tine in about 10). He is 21 months now and i still have to take him out in the car every day at 10am. I have never let him sleep in the afternoon though and have had great night time sleep. Well until dd2 was born. Try the car thing if all fails. I know someones dd who would only ever sleep in a buggy until she was 2 1/2. It does put you out a lot, but it is better than them not sleeping at all.

my dd is 15months and will only sleep in the car or buggy. it's a pain, but worth the hour off when you get home.

my dd was same, never had an organised daytime nap until eight months: and I had to go to a parenting class to find out how to put her down!
He's still very little and you might just have to accept the situation until he is old enough to be 'sleep trained' (ie, left alone to cry himself to sleep, which sounds mean but was ultimately the only thing that worked for me). At three months it is not advisable to do anything too drastic like 'crying it out' (not that you are necessarily considering this!) as they don't have the psychological development at that age to handle it. An older baby will get very angry and roar the place down, but will also realise that s/he is being asked to go to sleep, that's all, and has not been abandoned altogether!
My dd would only have short, spontaneous naps until she was eight months and I did this sleep training course. She woke up about three times a night as well. Was I shattered! But I survived. Will he sleep through at night? If so (this will probably annoy you) I'd just be grateful. If not, welcome to the 'waking dead' mums' club! But cheer up, when he is a few months older you will be able to do something about it.

Hi Oliv, sorry to hear of your troubles. I saw a great "sleep video" here in NZ before DS was born. Basically about recognising the "tired signs", and putting baby to sleep before they get over tired. Tired signs could be : irritation, yawning, rubbing eyes, arching body etc. When we let ds get too tired, he'd be a nightmare to settle.

I agree that 3mo is probably too young to let them cry it out. They won't know why they are being left, and may feel insecure and may be even more resistant to being put down (because they know that is when you are going to leave them alone, and they aren't mature enough to know that it is about going to sleep and not being abandonned).

Also, nothing wrong with swaddling. If that works, great! A friend of mine has a 12 yo who likes to be tucked in really tight (similar to swaddling).

Good luck