Why do people I meet insist on giving their opinion

[pandavark]

Every time I go to the shops or something I get asked "whats his name?", when I say it they either say "what" and I have to repeat it about three times and then they give me a sort of fake smile as if they dont know what to say. i know they think its so disgusting they dont even know what to say. but i find it so rude because its obvious they hate it, time they should just pretend they heard me the first time or something. i went to a doctor the other day and he said "this is the first time we've had a v in here, very strange!" pronouncing it wrong. thing is, its a very traditional and well known literary name, is a roman name which has been in my family for years, made me sort of wary of a doctors opinion who did not know how to pronounce it. i hate how people subtly judge names every day and make faces and judge you as a weirdo because of it. if i met someone with a disgusting name i would have an open mind to it growing on me. i would be so careful not to let it slip that i found it odd.

actually i rather like it. i don't think i would use it but i prefer to it many of the names people post on mumsnet.
i think when you are feeling uptight just may reference to literature and make them feel stupid.
if not, just smile politely.

I know a Virgil! It's my BIL's best friend. He does pronounce it with a hard "G" though. Is this not correct in Europe? (He is an Alaskan Native).

Ah, I see now that I have read more posts. No, the BIL's friend doesn't use a hard "G" but a "j" sound in his name.

I think Virgil is a fine name. At least it is a proper name rather than a made up one. I was watching Cbeebies tonight (not on my own!) and saw the birthday slot. Happy birthday to 'Iylee'. That poor child will spend her life repeating and spelling out her name and, at least for the next few years, saying no it isn't Kylie .

I think you're being unreasonable and very naive.

If you call your child an unusual name then part and parcel of that is that people's reactions upon hearing it is not just 'oh right, same as my son'. YKWIM?

You can't call your child a really unusual name and expect people to react to it as though it were a really regular name.

I called my son a name which is quite dated. I knew it was when I picked it, so I'm totally unsurprised when people say, sorry, did you say 'ldkjfa;dlkfjas;'. You can't call a child that! He sounds like he plays bridge. I've heard it all, but I knew that that was the name's 'image'. iyswim.

YABU. You have given your child an extremely unusual name. You know that. Of course I know who Virgil is - but if a friend said they had named their baby that - I would wonder if they were joking. And if I overheard a parent calling out "Eat your pizza, Virgil" in a restaurant, I wouldn't be able to help but turn round and get a glimpse of the monumentally pompous twerp who had called their child that.

I'm not saying you're a monumentally pompous twerp - just that people might think you are... and that's why you're getting a funny reaction. Nobody should comment one way or another to your face, that's very rude (but ok here on MN - because you asked!) but some people might think they have heard wrong.

But it's a free country. If you love it, that's all that counts.... Until he goes to school that is. Please tell me you're not sending him to the local comp!

The Virgil sounds like a trial period only pizza!! the one with olives and feta

{philistine face]

it sounds like you're thinking about this too much. virgil isn't hard to say or read so if people can't say it it says something about them surely. my ds has a greek name which i can tell some people don't like or know of but it doesn't bother me in the slightest as it's no different from me cringing inside when i hear a name for example like ella-may which is not my taste at all - as for school, people are choosing more out of the ordinary names these days that our children are unlikely to bat an eyelid at the names us adults are narrow minded about.

'Iylee' might have been a sad attempt to render Eilidh readable?

Mercedes could be or could it be Spanish for Mercy?

I think, on reflection, that people ask you to repeat the name because it sounds so like virgin and they want to make sure they heard you right.

It is annoying though if you go slightly off piste with a name and are met by silence/obvious disapproval yet you are not allowed to say of their top 5 name "oh no not another one how utterly dull" because that would be rude .

Also think mummydarling is right there is such variation in names nowadays that teasing for a name is less common (backed up by anecdotal evidence from my family who are all teachers).

EmilyGilmore - thats a mad thing to say! why would you think i was a twerp if i was talking to the kid in a restaurant. this is what i was talking about in the first place. the negative judgement of it before they know me or the little fella.

point is, the name is a family name, i would never reference the writer to people unless you asked specifically. i think that would be really stuck up and annoying, saying "oh, havent you heard of virgil you philistine!". most people aren't into classics, i know that. and to paraphrase someone else, i don't expect anyone to HAVE AN ORGASM over it either haha, jesus i should have called him orgazmo. i'm just pointing out, and i know loads of you probably get this all the time, you can feel when you're about to have an "oh. virgil. i see." moment. it's painfully awkward and all of you people saying that if you heard a baby with a wanky name you'd smile just to be nice, well thats as bad as saying the name is disgusting depending on your acting skills.

to finish off this obscene overly long post, i want to clarify that i love the name and its the only name i could or would have used. i just find the sense of hostility incredible at times, here's another point: i wonder if he was a black or asian child and had a name people hadn't heard of for any reason would they be so quick to judge the parent. probably assume its from their original country or a family name, etc. I wonder why people have to form an opinion on everything instead of just being indifferent until they know me/poor virgil. its a habit we can all improve on i think.

just looking for the cover of the Aenid because i think it might be the answer on a quiz and my supplier has spelt it "Vergil" !!

twats.

anyway, i just wanted to say that I think Virgil is a great name, very classic and timeless.

and they're ignorami if they've never heard of it.

(mainly because i suppose i looked for aenid when i should have typed aeneid. D'oh!!)

although, i'm rereading my post and it is seeming a bit irritatingly idealistic. i have to clarify that i am guilty of prejudging names, specifically in cases where the parents have clearly picked the name to impress others rather than for any personal reason or to enjoy it themselves. a literary name for example, byron, i really like that name. i think its very strong and handsome. i went to school with a fellow called byron though, he looked like a horse and laughed kind of like how you'd imagine a guffawing animated horse. he was a horrible mean kid. i will NEVER call my kid byron. we all have different perceptions and experiences that we bring us to names and to expect someone not to react is (as several of you have already said) naive.

But we do judge names!! If we didn't these thread wouldn't exist. And we would just call our kids, 1,2 and 3.

Good for you - but YABU not to expect a bit of ribbing over it. And the bemused glances in restaurants too! I'm a pretty nice, tolerant kind of gal, but if I heard someone calling out to baby Virgil - I would titter. I just wouldn't be able to help myself.

Toughen up, you brought it on yourself!

Ah, I see you have already toughened up - good girl!

Funny you should mention Byron -- there was a vogue in the US probably 70 to 100 years ago, maybe more, for names like Virgil, Homer, Byron, etc. Virgil example, Homer example and of course there's Homer Simpson. Even now, Dante and variants are going strong.

I think it's no stranger than Arthur or Wilfred in a way.

pandavark - I think you really are feeling hostility where none exists. I find it noticeable that it is you using terms like 'disgusting' names and 'wanky' names. Yes of course this thread exists to give opinions on names, but we don't wander around doing so to real children (or adults) in RL. Nor would I personally use terms like 'disgusting' or 'wanky' on here. My DC2 has a family name (her aunt/godmother's) that very few people in this country have heard of, and people frequently ask me to repeat or spell it - come with the territory of having an unusual name. If I started sensing hostility in every comment, or coming on here retaliating that I don't comment on 'wanky' or 'disgusting' names, then I think it might say more about me than people I met in RL or on here.

comes with the territory

You can call your baby anything you like, but nobody is obliged to like it. People who ask your baby's name are just trying to be friendly and show some interest in you and your attractive little baby people like babies after all, and they are curious about their names. When the name sounds like something else, they may ask you to repeat it, and then as it registers they say the equivalent or Rhubarb Rhubarb most are not quick enough on their feet to say it's a very interesting name, is it a family name, or whatever.

But they are not necessarily thinking negative thoughts about it. "i know they think its so disgusting they dont even know what to say. but i find it so rude because its obvious they hate it," -- you can't actually read anyone's mind, panda, and this phrase is a bit extreme.

They have just heard what may be an unusual name to them and it's not you and little Virgil contra mundum. I think you're reading hate and negative judgement into a situation where there's just mild, polite interest to begin with, and a quiet reaction as people run it past their minds. They're not really all that interested in your baby's name, to tell the truth, just trying to be conversational.

@LibbyLobster - Yes Cheers!

And 95% of the time I really like having an unusual name because it makes people remember me. But 5% of the time it hasn't made things easy (age 11, going to a normal secondary school was one of those times!) - and Virgil will also have to get used to that, because that's the price of having something that makes you stand out.

Panda I think that probably most of the time you are over worrying about people's reactions, but sometimes people ARE rude - 11 year old boys especially! - and you and Virgil will just have to find a way to deal with that.

Second mathanxiety - people aren't really that interested, they're just trying to be conversational (the equivalent of weatherspeak, I think, except babies always trump the weather as a first conversational topic!)They may, of course, actually be interested in you/your child, and asking the name is just Move One in the conversational chess game.

FWIW - I think it's a GREAT name but would never have chosen it for a first name because I just couldn't bear having to don my mental armour before embarking on a routine chat in the supermarket. Thus, we condemned DS to Boring Top Five name (also a family name, actually) and gave him a wildly unusual middle name - Harford (also a family name - I'm big on family names, too!) We put up with the reverse of your particular situation - 'oh, you named your DS something totally unoriginal - how dull you are!

mathanxiety, that is so true about rhubarb. I know Freya is a very popular name NOW, but I have a 38 year old friend called freya and the first time she said it, i had to ask her to repeat it about four times! and i love the name freya now.