Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

DH left me before I knew I was pregnant - but still wants me to let him have a say in name of baby

77 replies

upsetlady · 17/04/2009 11:29

this is a bit long - sorry

DH and I had been a bit on and off for a while and he left me in July but we stayed on good terms and were trying to work things out. Slept together 2 weeks later, and then found out that due to contraceptive failure I was pregnant. Baby is due in 2 weeks. We already have a DS and a DD and although we have very very different taste in names we both love their names.

Basically I knew when I found out I was pregnant DH would not be pleased as he was quite adamant he wanted no more children. He reacted as expected and wanted me to have a termination which I refused to do. Initially he wanted nothing to do with the new baby ( another DD ) but as time has gone on he has accepted that this baby is coming whether he likes it or not and realises he should not treat it differently than his other children. He is now keen to have contact and will financially spport it. He has also requested to be present at the birth which I have told him I am not comfortable with, and he does understand.

My dilema is this - I have been alone for the pregnancy, will give birth alone and for the will be bringing the baby up mostly alone, yet he wants an equal say in her name. There is only one name I really love and when I mentioned it to him earlier in the pregnancy he did not like it. I have asked him for suggestions in case there was anything I could compromise on. Unfortunately he has only suggested 2 nnames - Ellie ( which does not go with our surname, is a nickname and not a 'proper'name in my mind and too too popular. The other one was Ronnie ( which I like for a boy but not for a girl, especially as I have a unisex name myself )

So, do I give the baby My name, or settle for something tolerable that he likes too

Advice / opinions please ladies

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

piscesmoon · 17/04/2009 19:07

I don't like Ellie or Ronnie but I think you need to compromise. He is the father and your baby may be just like him-you can't just reject him.

greenelephant · 17/04/2009 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

randomname · 17/04/2009 20:10

Why dont you give her Ellie as her middle name then you decide the first, that way both get what you want (Love Violet by the way)

StewieGriffinsMom · 17/04/2009 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

macaco · 18/04/2009 09:16

What does an "OT" name mean?

Simplysally · 18/04/2009 09:25

Ellie is a lovely name but there are quite a few around now.

Ronnie is a male name IMHO.

I've not heard of Ketura but I like the idea of a short version and a grown-up version . if it goes with your surname, then why not?

edam · 18/04/2009 09:39

Old Testament.

FAQinglovely · 18/04/2009 09:48

lol I was going to say "Off Topic" (ie we weren't discussing this name so it's off topic)

tallyhohoho · 18/04/2009 14:25

but there would be no baby to name if he'd been allowed to make the decision back then, so why let him have a say now. It is unreasonable of him to expect to.
He had little choice but to accept the baby once here, because how the hell would he explain to your dcs and other people otherwise.
He has no choice about the financial support.
He sounds like a great guy.

FAQinglovely · 18/04/2009 14:46

tally - my DH wanted me to terminate DS3 - our relationship was already on rocky ground although we were still together at that point. He was also adamant he wanted no more children.

He also got over the massive shock and came to accept DS3 and although we've since split up treats him no differently from DS1 and 2.

Should I therefore not let him make decisions with regards to DS3 because when we first found out I was pg he wanted me to terminate? It's not an uncommon responses in marriages that are stable so I should imagine it an even more common response in marriages that are already unstable/broken up. And I don't believe that makes them a bastard, it makes them human.

I do know of families where the last born has been treated differently by the father because he didn't want that child

lunamoon2 · 18/04/2009 16:57

I like Keturah, how about Keturah Ellie or Keturah Ellie Violet?
Personally I wouldn't call the baby Kitty on the birth certificate. Think it is fine as a nn though.
Why not sound him out again and say you will agree to call her Kitty for short.

flightoftheeasterbunyip · 18/04/2009 17:13

As long as you don't call her Ketty for short...wasn't there a thread a while back about 'Ketamine' as a name?

Original poster

upsetlady · 18/04/2009 19:25

Thanks for all your thoughts and opinions. Like the idea of Keturah Ellie - we both get the name we love that way. Think thats a fair compromise

Feel a bit more prepared now for the inevitable discussion.

And no, will not be calling her Ketty cos it does make it soond like Ketamine. Love Kitty but don't really like Katherine and it just seemed that Keturah would shorten to Kitty well

OP posts:

HolidaysQueen · 18/04/2009 19:32

My cousin's DD is Keturah but is known as Katy.

vess · 18/04/2009 19:41

I was about to say give the baby a name you like, but he does actually have a point - Keturah is NOT a pretty name at all IMO. In fact, it's hard to imagine an uglier sounding name. Sorry. Go with something that can be shortened to Ellie, and everyone involved will be much happier. Especially the baby.

CreativeZen · 19/04/2009 09:09

Why don't you just call her Kitty, rather than saddling her with a name which she (and you) won't actually use and which she will spend the rest of her life having to spell out?? It seems that you are just using the name as a way of being different without any intention of calling your child that on a daily basis, which is pointless.

bronze · 19/04/2009 09:25

I'm with FAQ all the way through this.
Only fair to compromise

shootfromthehip · 19/04/2009 09:37

I think you should compromise too, his is still her Dad and you want the bond to be as strong with your DD as it is with your other kids. |Things are difficult enough as it is without having another thing to stand between you.

Wow, that is uncharacteristically reasonable of me. Kitty Ellie is a bit of a mouthful though, what about Keturah Violet Ellie to break it up a bit?

Original poster

upsetlady · 19/04/2009 15:01

I would use Keturah at home as well as Kitty, and HolidaysQueen intersting your cousin uses Katy as I thought she would also have that option if when older, teenage that she thought Kitty was a bit twee and childish.
I love the name Keturah, that is why I want it, not just to be different or to twist a name to shorten to Kitty. I do realise it isn't to everyones taste but i love it so want to use it. Feel that giving my daughter alternative shortnenings and 2 middle names give her plenty of choices if she does hate it.

OP posts:

UKVeggieMum · 19/04/2009 15:10

TBH I really think the mother should have the final say, whatever the circumstances, but particularly in this case.

I came up with a shortlist of three names and my DH picked from that, as there was only one he liked, it was sorted and he felt he'd made a choice.

IheartNY · 19/04/2009 15:37

I do agree with you in principle, but Keturah does seem a very unusual name and if he really does prefer more easy going names then I can see why he might think you are going OTT (incidentally I thought you meant 'over the top' when you said i was an OT name lol) with choosing this one now just because you can.
Does it go with your other childrens names? I'm just asking as it might look odd next to them if they have names of a similar ilk to 'Ellie'

How about Violet Katurah Ellie as a compromise?
First name you both really like and middle names as both your top favourites?

Original poster

upsetlady · 20/04/2009 19:41

well its sorted. DH came over to see the DC today and take them out instead of yesterday, as DS had inset day.

Just before he left he asked me again to discuss baby names and I said I wanted Kitty, with it Keturah on the birth certificate. Then I suggested Ellie Violet as the two middle names and he agreed so job done and I am really pleased we are both happy, its been quite stressing me out.

Thank you everyone for all your comments

OP posts:

Lancelottie · 21/04/2009 11:55

Umm, not wishing to rock the boat, but will your DD be happy with KEV on everything that requires initials? Might KVE be kinder?

(Speaking here as a friend of an unintended EGG and HAT, both with perfectly acceptable names, just not good combinations of initials!)

heverhoney1 · 21/04/2009 23:32

I do think he deserves a say TBH. You both like Violet so why not go with that. Like the others have said have the names you want but in a different order?

Original poster

upsetlady · 09/05/2009 19:47

little girl born last week and registered as Keturah Ellie Violet, nn Kitty. Aware that ititals are KEV but think thats not too mch of an issue. Has double barrelled surname so unlikely to write all of them. Thank you to everyone, was helpful to get your opinions. It is a big relief to me that we were able to agree and are both happy with her name, although DH was at the birth and i told him i deserved my choice due to the pain!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread