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Original poster

My mum and the baby name part 2.

59 replies

ComeWhineWithMe · 27/01/2009 18:06

I am not a violent person but I am having quite violent thoughts towards my Mum right now.

I posted the other day about her refusing to acknowledge the baby if we call her the name we want ,she made a big scene in front of relatives and showed herself up TBH.

Anyway I have just had a phonecall from her saying I am making her the laughing stock at work and that she is going to call the baby Daisy no matter what and that the baby will know her real name from her Nan .

I am trying to ignore her and laugh it off but she is upsetting me a lot and I know she will do it because she has called my nephew a different name for the past 14 weeks of his life due to not liking the name my dsis choose .

She is very overpowering and will try and make me look stupid in front of people I have no confidence in RL and I know she is going to make things hellish when the baby is born I am getting wound up thinking about
it .

She will not come round .
She will not care if people tell her she is been foolish.
She will not respond to any threats such as we will get the dc to call you Granny (which she hates)
She will just carry on stomping over everyones feelings and not giving a shit how she makes other people feel I can not believe I am getting so het over a name but she has really really got me angry today.

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Leeza2 · 27/01/2009 18:07

its not about the name, is it really? its about her domineering and bullying behaviour

Original poster
ComeWhineWithMe · 27/01/2009 18:09

You are right Leeza she just gets to me so much .

OP posts:
MmeLindt · 27/01/2009 18:09

Agree with Leeza, this is just a way of her being dominant and controlling.

Stick to your guns, you have chosen a lovely name.

She had her chance when she named you and your dsis.

Your baby will know her real name, it is the one that everyone except her crazy nan calls her.

MouseMate · 27/01/2009 18:10

aww mate, thats shite. Is there any reasoning with her? What was her relationship with her mother? Could you use a 'But how would you feel if your mum had done this to you' type scenario.

Otherwise you just may have to bite the bullet and maybe be a little cruel 'Mum, me and XXXX(various family members) were talking and we think you need to go and see the doctor. This is not normal behaviour, it could be the onset of something serious.'

christiana · 27/01/2009 18:11

Message withdrawn

Twims · 27/01/2009 18:11

TBH I would say the childs name will be this - if you have a problem with it and will insist on calling it something else thus confusing the poor little soul then I suggest that there is no reason for the 2 of you to have a relationship - if you want to play an important role in this child's life then you need to come to terms with the childs name and call it thus.

I would then give a teddy of DD's the name Daisy get a pet and call it Daisy so everyone including your daughter thinks she is talking about that and will have a 2 year old turn round and say why are you always calling me the teddy/pets name.

JustKeepSwimming · 27/01/2009 18:12

Oh CW - poor you

everyone is right of course, you go with the name you & dh have chosen (well i don't know what it is but i'm sure it's fine....) and ignore her.
She's being very very silly (as well as bullying) and she will make herself look v stupid.
If she's worried about being a laughing stock she's going the wrong way about things!

Northernlurker · 27/01/2009 18:12

You need to read that book about toxic parents I think. She is behaving apallingly. Even if you wanted to call the child Beef Burger Petrol Smith - her job is to shut up. In your shoes I would tell her that she is upsetting you and if she cannot respect that this is your child you won't be making any efforts to go and see her. If and when she apologises you can start over - but don't let her keep stressing you out and trying to control you.

MouseMate · 27/01/2009 18:13

ohhh I like twims idea re the pet...... very sneaky.

christiana · 27/01/2009 18:13

Message withdrawn

JustKeepSwimming · 27/01/2009 18:14

you could sing daisy daisy (i'm half crazy..) at her

Original poster
ComeWhineWithMe · 27/01/2009 18:14

She is a total control freak out I have 3 siblings and all three of us girls have been thrown out and disowned for periods of time when we have done something she disagreed with .

Nobody will stand up to her and she loves to make a scene on front of people no matter what they think of her they will stand and laugh at the time .

I actually hate her right now.

OP posts:
Original poster
ComeWhineWithMe · 27/01/2009 18:17

The teddy /pet thing is a very good idea thankyou .

JKS we have not even 100% chosen the name but we both really like Violet .

OP posts:
LaDiDaDi · 27/01/2009 18:17

Whatever happens you must not give in over this to the extent that if she tries to call the baby Daisy then you should make her leave your home.

BakewellTarts · 27/01/2009 18:18

Hi again, I saw your other thread and TBH I can't believe your mums behaviour. What you call your DCs is noones business but yours and your DH. And I find the idea that they will know their real name from their Nan ludicrous. In a few years time when your new DD has her own voice she will be telling her to call her Violet (or whatever else you decide to call her). FWIW I like both names but think that Violet is more sophisticated and will suit your DD at all stages of her life. Try not to get stressed out by this (not easy I know) stick to your guns and ignore this loon. If it gets too bad just don't see her.

Northernlurker · 27/01/2009 18:18

Why would you need this person in your life?

I know she's your mother - but she's not behaving in any manner deserving your respect or love. She's just trying to bully you. It's really horrible.

noonki · 27/01/2009 18:19

sounds like it might be a good thing she doesn't come round.

Poor you, my mum hated DS1 name and went on and on about it despite us asking her not to. She did exactly the same thing with my nephew making my poor hormonal sister cry when he was a few hours old

we just had to give it to her straight, to get over it and that it was our children and she would end up with them disliking her if she criticised their names.

(at one point I told her that I didn't rate the name she gave me very highly so didn't value her opinon on the matter )

DS1 is 3 now and she never brings it up any more.

JustKeepSwimming · 27/01/2009 18:20

Well Violet was my dh's nasty gran's name so not for me but a perfectly reasonable name that your mother should have no issue with. (not like you are thinking of something that isn't even a name, not going to state an eg in case there's one on MN!)
So given that she is BU, she is a bully, she has caused similar scenes already, you have got to learn to rise above her tactics.
As someone else said, get s phrase ready and repeat it ad nauseum whenever the subject gets brought up.
And get dh, other DCs to say it too.

She is the one who ends up looking like a loon so let her get on with it!

Original poster
ComeWhineWithMe · 27/01/2009 18:20

I don't hate Daisy it's just not for me ,whatever she ends up been called my Mum will have an issue with it because she wants a GC called Daisy .

OP posts:
dizzydixies · 27/01/2009 18:20

ComeWhineWithMe am so sad for the way she's treating you - you wouldn't put up with this nonsense from a 'friend' so certainly shouldn't have to from your mother

Violet is such a beautiful name and your mother is ruining what should be a lovely lovely time for you

cut her out and ignore her, as hard as it is she is not bringing anything positive to this experience so don't waste you time

BakewellTarts · 27/01/2009 18:23

I also love the teddy / pet idea...

I know shes your mum but also agree that if this is typical you are better off without her in your / your DCs lives.

From your OP I imagine your Dsis is pretty p**d off with her too any chance of you teaming up with her to tackle this?

JustKeepSwimming · 27/01/2009 18:23

I quite like Daisy but that's not the point is it, even if you liked it you couldn't use it now. Or if i were you i certainly couldn't. As soon as someone tells me what to do my heels dig in!!

I suppose if my mum had said years ago that the name X was really special to her and she would love to have a GC called X i might consider it, but more likely as a middle name. and she wouldn't get a look in if she behaved so badly!

Stick to your guns

Leeza2 · 27/01/2009 18:24

yes please read the toxic parenst threads

Original poster
ComeWhineWithMe · 27/01/2009 18:29

It's not special to her it's because she wants it and what she wants she tends to get .

Also there are a lot of Daisy's where I live .

I feel better now I am actually laughing at her stupidity .

My sister has very little to do with my Mum they are only just on speaking terms but when she sees the baby she calls him the name she wants him to have [sigh].

OP posts:
DorisIsAPinkDragon · 27/01/2009 18:30

Read your other thread and it's so sad that she's ruining this special time for you.

I would tell her firmly that you will no longer discuss this issue with her (no point in stressing yourself out til the baby arrives). and inform her in advance you WILL be putting the phone down or leaving the conversation if the suject is raised again.

You do need to stand up to her, what's the worst she can do.... if all your siblings know she's like this no one will be surprised!

tbh she can't being doing yor blood pressure any favours atm so some distance may even be benificial.

If she does pesist with the daisy thing once dd has arrived then politely inform her that until she is prepared tro accept the name that you have choosen she is nopt welcome to see the child, as you do not wsh to confuse.

Good luck it sounds like she does have some control or other mental health issues...