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Original poster

My mum and the baby name part 2.

59 replies

ComeWhineWithMe · 27/01/2009 18:06

I am not a violent person but I am having quite violent thoughts towards my Mum right now.

I posted the other day about her refusing to acknowledge the baby if we call her the name we want ,she made a big scene in front of relatives and showed herself up TBH.

Anyway I have just had a phonecall from her saying I am making her the laughing stock at work and that she is going to call the baby Daisy no matter what and that the baby will know her real name from her Nan .

I am trying to ignore her and laugh it off but she is upsetting me a lot and I know she will do it because she has called my nephew a different name for the past 14 weeks of his life due to not liking the name my dsis choose .

She is very overpowering and will try and make me look stupid in front of people I have no confidence in RL and I know she is going to make things hellish when the baby is born I am getting wound up thinking about
it .

She will not come round .
She will not care if people tell her she is been foolish.
She will not respond to any threats such as we will get the dc to call you Granny (which she hates)
She will just carry on stomping over everyones feelings and not giving a shit how she makes other people feel I can not believe I am getting so het over a name but she has really really got me angry today.

OP posts:
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DorisIsAPinkDragon · 27/01/2009 18:33

alternatively tell her that the child will grow up thinking she's her 'mad' granny, who's a little odd in the head if she really wants that then carry on all the same!!

fruitstick · 27/01/2009 18:44

Come whine, of course you must choose your own name and ignore your mother's demands. This is your baby and your decision. If you allow her to sway you over something as important as what your child is called she will continue to ride roughshod over every decision you make.

Don't worry at all about your LO getting confused, it doesn't sound as if she will be spending an awful lot of time with her (or shouldn't ). Also Daisy is a cute enough name to be a nickname in a petal/flower/sweetpea kind of way (no offence meant to anyone with DD called Daisy) so your DD will just think that's granny's pet name for her. If necessary, just roll your eyes at DD and say 'I think Granny's getting confused again isn't she'

This should be a lovely, happy time for you so pay no attention to the mad old bint.

Nancy66 · 27/01/2009 18:52

God, your mum sounds an absolute nightmare. How awful for you.

I think it's time for some tough love. perhaps you should remind her of the relationship she has with her other daughter and grandchild and say that you would hate for the same thing to happen again.

She's entitled to her opinion and to not like your choice (which, incidentally I LOVE) but to say she is a laughing stock and will insist on calling your daughter by another name is unacceptable.

I think you have to stop appeasing her and make it clear you won't be bullied.

Original poster
ComeWhineWithMe · 27/01/2009 19:06

She is a nightmare and wouldn't care of I told her to stay away, she would stay away that is the sort of person she is .

I am just going to refuse to get into any discussions about names with her.

I am going to but the baby a comforter and name it Daisy .

If she calls my baby Daisy when she is born I will cry laugh at her and make out she has ishooos .

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 27/01/2009 19:16

yep just every time she calls the baby Daisy just say "actually mother her name is X, I think you're getting confused again"
and do it every single time she does it. esp in front of friends/family etc.

if she won't stop then I would say look, this is confusing for everyone. I suggest you don't see the baby until you are grown up enough to learn her real name and use it.

loobylu3 · 27/01/2009 21:39

Poor you! She sounds terrible. She is being v unreasonable and manipulative. It is up to your self and your DH/DP to choose the name and no one else! Violet is a lovely choice so I really don't think it is about the name at all but more about her controlling, unreasonable personality!
If you don't have the confidence to stand up to her, perhaps your DH could have a strict word and say that you have been very stressed and upset because of her behaviour and that he is concerned because of your pregnancy so please could she stop upsetting you!
Good luck and do stick with the name that you both like!

PlumBumMum · 27/01/2009 21:48

Oh my God Comewhinewithme is your mum and my dad related as I haven't spoke to my dad since day after dc3 was 2 days old as he disagreed with her second name!
When my mum told him he had left me in tears in the hosp he said
"Noone cares about how I feel" That was 2.2yrs ago

Like your mum he just dosen't care, but I was sick of my family occasions being ruined and don't want my dcs growing up around a sad grumpy old man

It is upsetting

ellenjames · 27/01/2009 21:52

i really like the idea of telling her she needs help! She sounds awful! Good luck on choosing a name, to be honest i don't even think about what the family will think! I know they wont like our choices, but it's our choice, as it is urs! Good luck.

minouminou · 27/01/2009 23:15

Laughing stock my bum! Either she's making that up, or she has some very odious friends - either way it's her problem.
Repeat, repeat and repeat whichever of the phrases offered (or your own) suits you whenever she starts on the subject. This is a symbolic thing to her - it's not about the name, really, it's about control.

MadamDeathstare · 27/01/2009 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

controlfreakythecontrolfreak · 27/01/2009 23:34

agree. you should completely ignore her mad behaviour re name. dont discuss with her any further. treat her in the patronising way she deserves and only give her attention if she is behaving herself. mad cow. honestly!

LuLuBai · 28/01/2009 08:35

I know this is harsh but your mother does sound a bit unhinged.

I have a very firm policy of not discussing names and just presenting it as a fait accomplis when baby is born. My MIL didn't bother to disguise her distaste at DDs name when she was born, and for weeks afterwards still looked like she was sucking vinegar through a straw whenever it was mentioned but I think she's over it now (DD is nearly 2) and I cannot imagine a name I could love more than the one I chose for DD.

Ignore your mother and choose a name you love. It will make you happy every day.

Bucharest · 28/01/2009 08:41

Blimey- Violet is a lovely name (and I speak as someone with a Daisy!)

Big sympathy on the mother front- my MIL had to be rushed to A and E when she discovered we hadn't named dd Antonia after her.....(not that we had ever, ever indicated we might)

Is there any chance she'll come round after the baby is born? Loads of people dissed Daisy until they saw mine, then (whatever they think in private) they've never said anything since....(my Dad said she'd chew cud instead of eating at the table....)

Good luck anyway, and enjoy the rest of your pg....

Original poster
ComeWhineWithMe · 28/01/2009 08:48

Well my brother has been down (he lives wih my Mum) and he said she has been ranting on for ages about the name and according to her I said I of would call the baby Daisy this goes back to before Xmas when we were chatting about girls names and she said "Daisy's a nice name " and I agreed that it was .

She wont care if DP/my Dad /brother or anyone else tells her she is stressing me out ,she really wont think of anyone else's feelings except her own ,this is the woman who rang me over 50 times when my dsis was in labour (prem labour too) nagging at me to get my sister to agree to her coming to the delivery room ,my sister wanted her nowhere near but eve after been told this she carried on ringing until I turned the phone off and pretended the battery had died .

It is about control there are lots of things she has done which I always saw as normal until I really sat and thought of them the only person she is truly a bit wary is my other sister who is a bit like her but nicer iyswim ,she is bossy but not a control freak just assertive so thinking about it I may tell her to let her know how much she is upsetting me .

OP posts:
MrsTittleMouse · 28/01/2009 08:53

Do NOT tell anyone when you go into labour, by the way. Mums and MILs on here have used all sorts of tricks to get onto the labour ward.

troutpout · 28/01/2009 09:09

Errrm...and you want this woman in your childs life because......
?
seriously...she likes it or lumps it.

Frasersmum123 · 28/01/2009 09:45

CWWM, I feel so sorry for you.

By the ay, if she liked the name daisy so much why did she not call you or any of your sisters Daisy when she had the chance? Have you asked her that?

FWIW I think Violet is a lovely name. Do you know why she doesnt like it?

nissa · 28/01/2009 13:19

That's so terrible for you

I had something similar with my mum. She was never keen on the name for DD (phoebe) but basically because she said she'd never remember how to spell it....to this day, 8 years down the line, she spells it 'fibi'

DD was 3 when she said 'nanny that's not my name shall I show you how to write it???' Now she just rolls her eyes whenever she gets a card from her!

Maybe you should suggest calling your mum something different because she doesn't deserve or suit the name nanny/grandma etc????

Something like contrary mary or grouchy pants???

etchasketch · 28/01/2009 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WinkyWinkola · 28/01/2009 15:02

CWWM, I'm totally at your mother.

It's absolutely none of her business what you decide to call your child.

What an arrogant moo of a woman. How dare she?

It is your mother who will be a laughing stock in RL because people will just think she's the freak for trying to take over her daughter's parental rights.

I think you really need to start avoiding your mother until she starts showing you some respect.

She needs to learn and the only way to teach her is by standing up to her.

If you need to avoid her toxic approach to her family, then avoid seeing her.

Mammina · 28/01/2009 15:13

I find this utterly unbelievable!! Honestly, how DARE she! It is none of her business whatsoever what you call the baby - IT IS YOUR BABY! If she's desperate to call something Daisy why doesn't SHE get a pet and call it Daisy! Apart from the cheek of it, she is causing you a lot of stress that you really don't need at the moment
Please try and ignore her as much as you can. (Violet's a lovely name BTW)

Lotster · 28/01/2009 15:40

Poor you!

After wondering what name could cause her such "embarrassment" I just read that you plan to call your LO Violet!
It's a lovely name, and a flower name in exactly the same vein as Daisy, so I think she is clearly attention seeking and domineering.

My mum has these qualites. She kept saying she would call my son "bomber" because he was chunky (and she didn't get why I chose a Jewish name, not that you'd think of it as such). I just said "I would rather you didn't because that's not his name, and it's offensive", and then changed the subject each time she brought it up or called him it, looking for attention and TBH she stopped.

She wouldn't always give in so easily and it doesn't sound like your mum is the type to, but I do believe the more you humour this behaviour or even discuss the subject, the more it's "normal" and allowed to take root.

This time round my mum asked what names I liked for my baby and I refused to discuss it, because she "would be offensive" and so far, she's been more diplomatic, although still hates the name! Just in a "how about this instead?" way...

Bumperslucious · 28/01/2009 15:55

Comewhinewithme that's awful, what a hideous woman. She's so pigheaded that I can't see that there is much you can do but just remember that YANBU and no one else around you will think you are.

If she likes Daisy so much why do you call her Daisy!

My mum wasn't as bad as this but she couldn't understand why she didn't get to have a say in DD's name . I told her she's had her chance so tough (well, I was a bit less direct than that, I'm not great at telling her how I feel). But it did upset me at the time and I felt that it was all part of her being controlling (she kept saying my baby when I was pg). She's fine now though, much more relaxed and hands off than I thought she'd be. Doesn't sound like your mum is though, she sounds like a horror. You are just going to have to resolve this one in your head if you really can change her behaviour. YANBU, and the other poster was right, don't let her know when you are in labour, wait as long as possible, don't let this odious woman spoilt the first moments with your LO.

twosofar · 28/01/2009 15:55

God I thought my mother was bad...when i told her that Dsis called her baby Teddy (short for Edward) she sneered "Well I won't be calling him Teddy".. and she doesn't... but at least she doesn't call him another name entirely! Sorry to be blunt CWWM but she sounds like a total bitch.
What on earth would her work friends think, if she went in announcing that she is calling your DC a random name. Far from you being the laughing stock (and i don't believe that anyway...maybe if you were calling her Ethel or Maureen, but Violet is a gorgeous name).. she is going to do a good job of making herself look like a sour old boot.
My mother hated DS2's name until one of her friends whom she's desperate to impress said she liked it. You can't win with people like this.
Try not to let her intimidate you... she is selfish and controlling and doesn't deserve to have you so concerned about what she thinks.

Leeza2 · 28/01/2009 17:04

well if a colleague told me that her DD had called her child Maureen or Ethel I woudl smile politely and say oh that's lovely. If asked for an opinion I would comment about how traditional names are coming back. Because ITS NONE OF MY BUSINESS. And its RUDE to comment adversely on a name once its been chosen.

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