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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Original poster

Compromise or half-hate?

28 replies

LazyLinePainterJane · 16/10/2008 17:30

ok...Dh and I have wildly different ideas on names that we love.

We have managed to come up with a name that we both like for impending DD (3 weeks) with a middle name that we both love (not a first name, IMO).

However, we both have a favourite name that we love that we agreed that we would give up on as we couldn't agree. Now DH has offered to have the name that I love as a first name, with the name that he loves as a middle name, excluding our original first and middle name agreement.

So what would you do? Would you put up with a middle name that you hated, for the first name you loved, or would you rather have the name that you liked? Even though you are being pathetic as your DH is the one making the "sacrifice"???

Should I shut up pondering and jump at the chance of my perfect baby name?

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Bleedodgy · 16/10/2008 17:31

Yes.

TheodoresMummy · 16/10/2008 17:33

You are going to endure lalbour and birth.

You should be allowed to call your DD anything you damn well like, IMO !!

More seriously, would DH be offering if he really hated it ? Perhaps it's grown on him.

PoppyCoc · 16/10/2008 17:34

Well I wanted my mums middle name for my dd's first name so dh choose her middle name, which I am not keen on, but TBH no one ever uses their middle name anyway.

seeker · 16/10/2008 17:36

Tell us what they are - oh go on, go on, go on....

If he really hates the name you shouldn't use it - that's not fair. But if he thinks it's OK but not his favourite I would go for it.

2point4kids · 16/10/2008 17:37

yes yes yes
no one will remember her middle name after a day or two anyway

Original poster
LazyLinePainterJane · 16/10/2008 17:43

LOL at you lot

Maybe it has grown on his, as there is no way I would consider the name he loves, maybe I am just evil and cold-hearted

Good points about the redundant middle names, I just don't think the names flow at all. That matters to me, but accept that it probably doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

My name is Penelope, his is Ruth.

Shall not mention the compromise name as have mentioned that to family IRL and do not want to be outed.

OP posts:
Original poster
LazyLinePainterJane · 16/10/2008 17:44

I would like to say that I do not think that there is anything wrong with the name Ruth, I just don't want to use it. I don't think it is horrid or ugly, I just don't like it.

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 16/10/2008 17:46

and what were the other names?

Original poster
LazyLinePainterJane · 16/10/2008 17:53

I don't want to say, CD, as my Mum knows what they are and I suspect she be lurking

I guess it's not so much about the names (we have been discussing them so much I am now at the point where any name sounds awful after a while, maybe we shall call her Dave) more about the principle of compromise and giving is, as such. Has anyone else chosen a name that they didn't love? Will DH resent my name choice in time, or will it not matter?

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 16/10/2008 18:13

Do you plan to call her Penny?
Does he like that if so?

Overmydeadbody · 16/10/2008 18:24

In the grand scheme I don't think it really matters, your child will come to be known by that name and the name will come to mean the child, rather than any associations you or anyone else has with the name as it stands alone iyswim.

FWIW I think Penelope Ruth flows really well and 'works'.

yomellamoHelly · 16/10/2008 18:26

I would.

2point4kids · 16/10/2008 18:28

Do you know what - DH hated DS2's name at first
I still cant quite believe this happened now, but basically I changed my mind just after DS2 was born and told DH that I had gone off our agreed name (a compromise) and announced I wanted to call him something we hadnt even discussed instead. DH agreed but only really in a 'she's just given birth, I cant say no' way...

It turned out that we had discussed the name a couple of weeks before and that DH had dismissed it as 'ridiculous'. I still to this day cannot remember the conversation. DH thought I had called DS2 the name knowing he hated it and we had a bit of a moment when we both realised what the other one thought.

8 months later I still adore DS2's name and cannot think of him as anything else. I hate our compromise name now!
DH is now absolutely fine with the name too. It only took a few weeks for the name to grow on him and now he likes it just as much as me (well maybe not quite as much ) and he wouldnt change it for the world.

Go for it! If your DH is agreeing to your name now then he cant hate it. I bet it has grown on him. By the time she is born he will LOVE the name too

Original poster
LazyLinePainterJane · 16/10/2008 19:13

CD - yes, she would probably be called Penny, at least by DH as he does like that name, I do too, but wouldn't want it as a name in itself as I like the other shortenings that Penelope offers. So I guess it cannot be all bad for him.

Thanks OMDB, it can be hard to think of the "flow" of a name objectively, especially when you have heard it and said it a million times I agree with you about the name becoming the child, this is why we have fallen out so much as DH cannot see beyond the connotations of a name and has vetoed so many of my choices because of odd attachments.

2.4 - That is good to hear but LOL at your crossed wires. I do really think the name will grow on him. Of course I don't have these generous thoughts towards myself. A bit selfish I suppose. But then he's not pregnant and uncomfortable so I guess that's horses

OP posts:
seeker · 16/10/2008 22:12

What other shortenings are there for Penelope? I love Penelope, by the way and think Penelope Ruth is lovely.

I know a baby Penny and it works really well.

Original poster
LazyLinePainterJane · 17/10/2008 08:13

Do you know what seeker, your post has made me realise that I actually don't like them! I would say that they are Nelly and Elly/Ellie. Although I do like the fact that the name has them, so she could choose in the future. I do like Pen as a shorty, though of course that doesn't need the longer name.

I think I had confused it with our compromise name, which does have a lot of shortenings.

Argh! this is ridiculous! How can it be so hard to choose a name? I now think that the compromise name has rather grown on me...

compromise name is Josephine.

OP posts:
frazzledoldbag34 · 17/10/2008 19:59

Penelope / Penny / Pen is LOVELY.
Ruth is OK, not mad on it but it's inoffensive I think?
Josephine is also OK.

Penelope Ruth sounds nice I think.
Penelope Josephine is more of a mouthful, but also fine.

Pen is my favorite I think. Sweet.
But also good for a grown up lady. Perfect.

frazzledoldbag34 · 17/10/2008 20:00

Sorry, didn't answer question.
I'd definitely accept a middle name I wasn't too keen on to secure my favorite name for the first name. After all how often do you say/use the middle name? - almost never!

LaDiDaDi · 17/10/2008 20:26

I prefer Penelope to Josephine and in fact I think I prefer Ruth to Josephine; I like the simplicity of Ruth whereas I find Josephine a bit too fussy/girly for me.

What is the middle name that's not suitable as a first name?

thisisyesterday · 17/10/2008 20:32

hmm I am not sure.

dp said that he would go with "my" name for ds2, even though he didn't like it that much. I got all excited, and then when I thought about it I realised how unfair it was.

I would hate to have a baby with a name I really didn't like, and as he is an equal parent I thought it would be quite selfish of me to take him up on the offer.

we went with the name we both liked.
there have been times when I wished I had gone with my fave name, and ds2 would have suited it too. but it's fine and his name is still bloody cool

mytetherisending · 17/10/2008 20:44

jump at it
We compromised- DH liked elizabeth, I liked ellie or Beth, dd1 is Eliza which happens to be the name of both my great grandmothers! The second name was his grandmothers and matched well, May.

seeker · 17/10/2008 21:04

I so prefer Penelope to Josephine! Mind you, Jo is nice. Hmmmm.

Of all the options I like Penelope Ruth best. And I canimagine a baby Penny, a cool teenage Pen, and a kick ass lawyer Penelope.

Original poster
LazyLinePainterJane · 18/10/2008 08:03

That's a bit how I feel, thisisyesterday, like it would be selfish of me to take him up on the offer. But then I think that maybe he would never make the offer if he wasn't happy to have the name. I am pretty sure it will grow on him.

The other middle name is Juno. Which I love, and I had another thread on the go about J names, DS is a J and I didn't want J overload which is why I was unsure about Josephine Juno. I love Josie and Posey though. I do love Penelope more. DH's worry is that Penelope is too fragile and girly, which he says all my names are. He prefers stronger sounding shorter names.

We have argued a lot

But this level or Penelope love is good!

OP posts:
findtheriver · 18/10/2008 13:10

Nel, or Nell, is another shortening for Penelope which I've heard. I also know someone who uses Poppy as the abbreviated version.

Penelope is a beautiful name - also has a lovely meaning, 'faithful' and being a Greek name has a history which would matter to me.

FWIW I think Penelope Ruth flows brilliantly! I don't dislike the name Ruth, but would always use it as middle rather than first as I prefer one syllable middle names, so I say go for it!

MrsMattie · 18/10/2008 16:07

Middle names schmiddle names. It's all about the first name. You have effectively got your own way - enjoy!