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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Would you give your child a family middle name to please your In Laws?

25 replies

Communion · 26/08/2008 14:26

Every eldest boy in my family has had the same first name for about 5 generations , it's a tradition saints name, very plain, my parents gave it to my brother as a middle name.

My brother has just had his first son and is not using the name as they don't really like it.

My parents are a bit hurt, but not saying anything.

I kind of think it's not a big deal, but it's a small thingthey could have done to make GP's happy.

I did it with my sons and gave them both welsh family middle names to please my IL's. we don't use them so it doesn't matter.

WWYD?

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DustyTV · 26/08/2008 14:28

I would name my child what I wanted, irrespective of what anyone else other than DH wanted.

MrsMattie · 26/08/2008 14:30

I don't think you should feel obliged to - your baby, your choice and all that - but it's a nice gesture.

Our son has an epic name, poor kid (!) - a first and middle name we chose ourselves, then two additional middle names (the names of each of our fathers). I'm glad we did it, though. His additional middle names are rarely if ever used, even on official documentation, but they're on his birth cert and our families were both chuffed.

KatieMorag · 26/08/2008 14:32

yes i would, as a middle name. as long as was soemthing like james, john , david, andrew etc. not if it was anything i really disliked

I accept i am probably in the minority here om MN. i coem from a culture where most children are given family names. there is less of an emphasis on choosing a unique, unusual, sleb type name to show how different/clever you are

Shitehawk · 26/08/2008 14:33

No. I wouldn't name my children to please anyone other than me and my dh.

It's not a small thing; it is their child's name - an intensely personal choice. I couldn't saddle my child with a name I didn't like, regardless of what anyone else thought.

Mamazon · 26/08/2008 14:34

I thnk if it is a longstanding tradition then i would do it.

Anna8888 · 26/08/2008 14:35

I think it's entirely up to parents to name their children however they please.

They should feel under no obligation whatsoever to carry on family naming traditions.

Original poster

Communion · 26/08/2008 14:37

It is that kind of name KM.

I'm expecting the 'my baby, do what I like' view to dominate tbh, as, sadly I think, it often does on here.

I think more along the lines of 'my baby, but if I can do small things which cost me nothing to please others then why not?'

I wouldn't do it as a first name, I would find that too far, or if it was a name that I thought was too awful to inflict on the child, but otherwise I can't see why not except for the 'it's ball baby, so my rules' which in any context I don't like much.

OP posts:

MrsMattie · 26/08/2008 14:41

FWIW, I don't like either of the family middle names we gave to DS as names in themselves - ie. aesthetically, but they are the names of our fathers and that makes them special to us.

Shitehawk · 26/08/2008 14:42

Small things which cost nothing to please others are all very well, but for me that doesn't extend to the name of my child.

You can't please everyone when it comes to names; if you use a name from one side of the family, the other side may well be pissed off. I think that the choice of a child's name is a very personal one, and one in which no-one else has any right to expect a say.

Wilts · 26/08/2008 14:42

I did and I hate it but it was very important to my husband that our son had it so I agreed.

I have never put his middle name on anything other than his passport as I dislike it so much.

It is also unfortunately a name that sounds made up but gets mistaken for a quite common name, which I also think is horrible.

I do love his first name though

GooseyLoosey · 26/08/2008 14:43

I like family traditions - I thought that was the sole point of middle names. If not for the tradition, why bother?

EssieW · 26/08/2008 14:49

I think it is good to have a family middle name - I do, and my DS does (from DH side of family). A second child will have a name from my side of the family.

Original poster

Communion · 26/08/2008 14:49

Of course yout not obliged.

Of course no one has a right to expect a say.

Just it may be a nice thing to do.

Middle names are quite meaningless to me, as they don't get used, so just seem a good way to acknwledge a tradition.

I feel very strongly about my choice of a first name, others obviously feel as strongly about middle name.

OP posts:

Original poster

Communion · 26/08/2008 14:51

Must be hard if you really hate the name Wilts.

But pretty easy to ignore and nver refer to I imagine.

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combustiblelemon · 26/08/2008 14:55

Actually I have a DH like your brother. His family have two names for boys that have been used for generations. His parents gave one to him as a middle name and he loathes it. I really don't understand why as I actually like it a lot- I would put it in my top 10 of boys names. It's not odd and is not a 'love it or hate it' kind of name. He would never use it for a son of his.

Teuch · 26/08/2008 15:01

So bake them a cake if you want to be nice

I'm with Shitehawk - lots of small and large concessions and generosities to grandparents on both sides here, but that does not extend to our decision-making about names.

Names are completely subjective...what may be inoffensive to you may well be abhorrent to someone else, no matter how plain or common (two of the most popular reasons for not using a name on these threads, I find )

Wilts · 26/08/2008 15:03

Communion- Ignoring is definitely the key in this house!

Even my son gets it mixed up with the more commonly known similar sounding name.
As did the registrar when I got married and my husband had to keep repeating it with the correction being made!

But I do feel that as it was important to my husband and it has been passed down his family it really wasn't worth making a big issue over.

I would not have agreed to using a first name I disliked.

Mamazon · 26/08/2008 15:06

my ds has my fathers name as a middle name. My DD would have had my mothers as well but mum specifically said not to as she hates the name.

Teuch · 26/08/2008 15:06

Wilts - as you said, it was important to your husband. If he hadn't felt strongly and it was just your in-laws (perhaps DH sister) that were keen, would you still have relented?

Weegiemum · 26/08/2008 15:12

I don't think you shoudl be obliged to.

However ...

we named dd1 as we chose (Katherine Morna) - no family name.

we named ds 1st name that we liked but he has 2 middle names - one after dh Grandad, and one after my Dad (he missed Dad's birthday by 16 hours!!) (Aidan Paul Russell)

we named dd2 after dh's Grandma, who died 2 weeks before dd2 was born (but Rachel is a fairly common name, and we liked it anyway) and her middle name is after my Gran who was alive when she was born but died when she was 3 (Jessie) so Rachel Jessie

We got more into family names as we went along. It seemed somehow right to honour the people we loved, especially those who were gone.

Sputnik · 26/08/2008 15:13

We gave our DS a "family" name as a second name. Although according to family/cultural tradition it should've been the first name. We didn't feel obliged to however but felt it was a nice gesture to make, and would be a kind of cultural connection for DS.

Might have felt different if we'd actively disliked the name though.

Original poster

Communion · 26/08/2008 15:13

Teuch, no one has said anything to them, so not a metter of 'relenting'.

Obviously if my DB doesn't want it I wouldn't imagine my SIL would insist.

No pressure has been applied here, DB know the tradition and has decide not to continue it.

His decision.

A shame, in my view, as middle names, to me, don't matter too much in terms of taste and choice, not likechoosing first name.

OP posts:

Wilts · 26/08/2008 15:15

Teuch, no if it had just been the in-laws I would not have agreed to it.
My husband just felt it was important so I agreed as I know he would have had it been the other way around.

Unfortunately after he was born and my husband announced said middle name I felt my in-laws were not as pleased as I would have imagined , and I suppose I felt a little disappointed that they were not jumping for joy about the hideous name I saddled my poor baby with !

Teuch · 26/08/2008 15:18

You gotta love families, eh?

Wilts · 26/08/2008 15:18

Communion- I agree that it is a shame, I would not have liked to of been the one to stop the tradition of a middle name being passed down.

Also a middle name never has to be used, hardly anyone knows our son had a middle name.

A middle name is vastly different to a first name and as I said before I would not have used a first name I disliked.

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