Middle name dilemma - honoring all but one grandparent

[Star1995xxx]

We have two boys and are soon to have a baby girl. We agreed years ago that my husband would get to choose our first boys middle name and I’d get to choose the first girl.
DS1 - has DH’s dad’s name
DS2 - has my dad’s name
DD1 - due soon and I want to choose my mum’s name

The dilemma is that we are about 95% sure that this is our last baby so we’re considering using both mum’s names so that one grandparent isn’t left out. Both names are perfectly nice.

The issue is that we prefer the idea of just one middle name as our sons only have one - no one else in our families have two. However, we worry DH’s mum would feel left out and that makes us feel bad.

What does everybody think? Should we stick to just the one middle name we really wanted to pick or give DD both middle names to be fair and keep the peace?

Thanks x

A baby should bring joy to a family not cause division. Think if the baby someday realised her arrival caused hurt. Your daughter alter her own name anyway when she marries. I’d definitely use both.

Both! I thought we’d only give DS one middle name, and we’d chosen his name many years before he was even conceived, but my Dad died just before I found out I was pregnant so he’s got his name as an extra middle name 🥰

This is a very pertinent way of looking at it - especially as she gave her DD her own name as a first name and not as a middle name.

In some times/cultures, it's common to give girls one fewer middle name than their brothers, as the expectation is that, if they marry, they will take their DH's surname and then use their maiden name as a new middle name (or double-barrelled surname, but the same kind of effect); but you obviously do want to give her (at least) one middle name.

My DD has both grandmother's names as middle names. They are rarely used but it avoided any offense of only using my mum's. Honestly I'm not sure either grandmother thinks of it at all now but they were both touched when she was named.
I have 2 middle names too and it's never been a faff/problem as day to day I'm just First name Surname.

All the angst about middle names and you/she will never think about it again except when filling in a form. Just do the two. Your kids don’t have to match and she’ll love having both grannies’ names

Depends on what the names are.

At least it's more sensible than the 'What first name goes with this middle name?' threads.

Ophelia Lynn might flow nicely but not if the surname is Balls, Cox or Dick

I have 3 kids. We used a middle name that honoured the grandparents for dc1 and dc 2.
We also had it so that one name was English and the other a nod to dh's culture.
Then dcs 3, that didn't work, so in order to have the name we wanted, plus a nod to dh's culture and a family name, she ended up with 2 middle names.

None of the kids care, we said it was so she had a culture name and a family name like dc 1 and 2 and they just accepted.

Once we had used a family name, we did feel that we needed to not leave anyone out.
Nobody cares how many middle names you have. If you had only used 1 of the grandparents it would matter, but using 3 and not the last, particularly as she is the sentimental one, that is not nice and going to cause a row.

I don't know why to be honest. You have a good reason to give two, so I really don't understand why you wouldn't.

Plenty of people have two middle names - and honouring family is often a reason. Another use of middle names is flexibility as a fallback if they dislike their name or for some other reason it becomes undesirable to keep using their first name. Two gives more flexibility for them to choose one they like.

I think both or neither.

If you really want one middle name, you could come up with some sort of new name or hybrid. For example: If they are Elizabeth and Isabella = Elizabella. Or Rachel and Fiona = Racona. Or Renee and Esme = Renesmee.

Definitely pick both. I think it would be pretty cool to have two middle names - I have none 🙁

Personally I’d just use your mums name, MIL should realise that it won’t be a slight especially given she named her daughter after herself and surely her daughter may choose to do similar? Not everything I life has to or needs to be equal!

This is the the danger when you start naming new people after old ones. Im not sure why you did it in the first place. There are thousands of names you dont need to copy your parents names.

Use both

What a weird thing to moan about 😂. I have two middle names as do both my kids. Go for two - no point in unnecessarily upsetting your MIL.

I’d do both, I think it’s kind. And nice for your daughter to have the connection with both sides / both women in her older family. In a way the fact that it’s a different gender works - the boys have 1 middle name, the girl has 2. Your reasons for doing it make perfect sense and will be understood by the kids when they’re old enough to ask / wonder. And as adults no one knows or worries about middle names. And I think it’s nice for children to have their own individual first names as a fresh identity while still having a connection to family with their middle names.

Both.

Do the kids have your surname?

Middle names are useful as fallback / second options, people often use alternative names professionally, keeping first names for family and friends.
Also I know of a hairdresser who switched to using her middle name at work as there was already a "Mary" at the salon and they couldn't have two stylists with the same name.
Anyway OP I think you should use both middle names.

Give both.
I have one middle name, my brother has two, it is has literally never been a thing that has crossed my mind to be an issue - why would two be seen as 'better' than one.

Both

I agree with “both or neither”. DD was
DM’s last grandchild, was always going to be. The DGboys all have family names from my side. DD’s name is a variation of MiL’s (not deliberately, but it’s all we could agree on). DM’s reaction on hearing she’d arrived was “you could have named her after me”. She still mentions it 15 years later! (Also that she only has one middle name and her brothers have 2).

both.
when’s the last time any of us used our middle name. never.
so two or twenty two is not an issue.

Honestly no one really cares about middle names as no one uses them. I don’t understand why people think that it’s honouring someone - to me it’s like saying that we don’t like your name enough to be a first name so we’ll stick it in where no one will ever see/know about - not an honour imho but each to their own I suppose