Middle name dilemma - honoring all but one grandparent

[Star1995xxx]

We have two boys and are soon to have a baby girl. We agreed years ago that my husband would get to choose our first boys middle name and I’d get to choose the first girl.
DS1 - has DH’s dad’s name
DS2 - has my dad’s name
DD1 - due soon and I want to choose my mum’s name

The dilemma is that we are about 95% sure that this is our last baby so we’re considering using both mum’s names so that one grandparent isn’t left out. Both names are perfectly nice.

The issue is that we prefer the idea of just one middle name as our sons only have one - no one else in our families have two. However, we worry DH’s mum would feel left out and that makes us feel bad.

What does everybody think? Should we stick to just the one middle name we really wanted to pick or give DD both middle names to be fair and keep the peace?

Thanks x

This

how old are ds? Can they choose one each?

I’d vote both or neither. How would your Mum feel if she was the one left out? That is how your MIL would feel. It’s not worth the hurt and potential fall out.

Use both or neither-if the gran really cares about names, her being the only one missed out will really rankle, and might look spiteful. Not worth the drama, as middle names are so seldom used/discussed in everyday life. If the boys ever ask, tell the truth! You were sure she was going to be the last baby, and it's only right to honour everyone, in this sort of situation.

@nowhite - they’re 3 and 5. I can imagine some of the names they’d come up with, haha! Spiderman!

@OMGitsnotgood - to be honest I don’t think my own mum would mind really. But I think MIL is more sentimental about that sort of thing.

Completely agree. The names will never be used in day to day life. It doesn't matter if she has zero middle names or 5. I wouldn't care if my name was used in future generations or not, but if it's important in your family then excluding 1 grandparent out of 4 isn't great so I'd use both names.

Honestly I'd give your Mums name, unless you want to give your mums or varion as a first name.

My mum has two middle names and moans its too much.

I'd give both. Although you say MIL named her daughter after her, so that is a reasonable argument for not carrying it on if you only want to use one.

I‘m not overly sentimental or a jealous type but I think I’d be hurt in this situation

I would absolutely choose to give both (or neither). It would be hurtful to be the only grandparent not honoured in this way.

Your DH chose his Dads name without knowing you would have any more boys…

We chose middle names to honour grand parents and 15 years down the line I really wish we hadn't bothered. The grandparents never really cared and the idea that the kids need a name to remember their Grandparents seems faintly ridiculous now.

However, since you've already done it with the boys you should probably give your daughter 4 names to include both grandparents. In 10 years time it will feel utterly inconsequential, you just won't care, nor will the grnadparents, nor will the kids.

My children have two middle names for this very reason. It’s perfectly normal and not “naff” at all!

She has already honoured herself, so I think it is ok stick with your mum's name. Maybe you could explain and word it in a way that you didn't want to detract from that special bond of the name between mother and daughter, which may continue to pass down the female line.

Not naff at all.
Plenty of people have two middle names.
Honour them both.

Yes, you'd be adding your daughter's aunt's name at this point - MIL has removed the option herself unless you've honoured the other aunts and uncles in the same way, surely?

Yes, I'm not quite sure why two middle names would be naff. Maybe the Royal Family are just super-naff, with their multiple middle names?

Obviously I have skin in this game, having two middle names myself. So does my brother. Honestly, nobody outside the immediate family ever knows or cares one way or the other about people's middle names. My kids only have one middle name each - because their surname is really long and it just seemed too unwieldy to have more than one middle name. But my brother's kids have 3 middle names each, so maybe that balances it out and restores my family's claim to naffness?

no she hasn't removed the option!

Op something to remember if this was the other way round,
One boy then two girls

Only one Granddad would be named after, and you couldn't exactly go back and add it in.

Call you baby what you want.

I think you do neither or both.

In our case none of the grandparents' names were ones I'd choose, so we went with completely different middle names so as not to upset anyone.

And your husband? What is he thinking?

Both or neither.

Our dc3 has 3 first names. She put an extra first name then she was 8.

Dc1/dc2 have 2 first names. It isn't a big thing.

Is there a great grandmother name or common middle name you could use? Only do 2 middle names if all 3 given names are short as there is often limited space on forms eg Mary Jane not Charlotte Catherine.

Does your SIL have children yet and has she/will she likely use MILs name for her own DD, if she has one?

If not, I'd use both. Middle names are hardly ever used, apart from on form filling, so it won't matter if your DD has two.

In what way is having 2 middle names too much?
My DC both have 1 middle name but DD1s names have 6 syllables - 18 letters in total whereas DD2s names have 4 syllables - 12 letters in total.
In our family all my siblings have used family names (parent or grandparent) for middle names, and all my children, nephews and nieces have done the same for their next generation. They’re all interested in family and love talking about the relatives they are named after.