Parents in law mispronounce daughter’s name

[Strudel1984]

My daughter is 18 months old and called Adeline (pronounced add-eh-line), which we shorten to Addie. My parents in law were very blunt when they discovered we had named her that - they weren’t mean as such, they just said it wasn’t to their taste and they knew someone called Adelyn (prounounced add-eh-lin) who they disliked. I potentially knew that it wouldn’t be liked by all, but was slightly gutted by their reaction.

Since then, they seem incapable of calling her Adeline correctly - they flip between called her ‘add-eh-lin’ and ‘add-eh-leen’ more than her actual name. We politely correct them every time and reiterate that there are a few pronunciations, but we have personally opted for our version. No one else seems to have the same issue, apart from strangers who go for the incorrect version maybe 25% of the time. I don’t mind that at all as I’m fully aware there are different versions, but the fact that my in laws are repeatedly corrected and they still can’t get it right is starting to really irk me. Our 4 year old son has started correcting them as well 🙈

How can I get through to them that I would really really prefer them to call her by her correct name, or simply by her nickname, Addie?

This isn’t the correct answer and you probably shouldn’t do it, but I’d be tempted to keep mispronouncing this names and see how they like it.

I’d just say that. If you can’t pronounce her name correctly just call her Addie please as you will confuse her and it’s upsetting us and DS.
Has DH not had a word?

Urgh. They sounds dreadful. Just stop including them in stuff or inviting them over if they can’t even respect your name choice. They’ll soon get the message. It’s a beautiful name by the way, and your pronunciation is the most ”common” one in my view and

Enough of the polite corrections. Their son needs to ask them directly 'why do you repeatedly pronounce our daughter's name incorrectly?'

Can your spouse/partner have a private word with them about the name?

I love this. Please try this and report back. Adeline is a great name btw!

This is so unbelievably petty and passive aggressive on their part. What has your partner said to them/how are those interactions dealt with?

I suppose they're aggrieved because they didn't get to dominate the naming of their granddaughter above the mutual wishes of her parents.

Watch out for other creeping control tactics. My ex MIL would try things like publicly humiliating me by very loudly and forcefully taking over basic tasks and "showing me to do it yet again", deliberately mispronouncing my mum's name (not a tricky name to pronounce...)
Even went so far as saying she just wouldn't say her name at all if it was such a fuss... great🙄

Very pretty name. Your DH needs to have a word and explain how upsetting it is for all of you.

A simple but direct 'I'm aware that you are not keen on the name add-eh-lin so I suggest that you call your granddaughter her correct name of add-eh-line. ' I had a similar issue where my mother in law would go on about a particular point which upset me, (she was being very unpleasant) and I was constantly polite about it, in the end I said 'you're upsetting me and if you mention it again I will have to assume you're doing it on purpose and trying to upset me' . Her behaviour improved no end after that as she realised I wasn't going to be a pushover any more and she needed me I didn't need her. She probably was trying to upset me, but she realised I wasn't going to play the game any more. Things are better now.
I think sometimes people need to know they have to make an effort and it does matter.

Thank you, that other post made me laugh (and I have genuinely considered that suggestion before 😂) and thank you, I sometimes feel like it was the wrong choice because of my in laws making a song and dance about it, but I’ve always loved the name - classic but unique!

I love the name it's beautiful.

Thank you, what a helpful post and suggestion - I will take that on board as I think I’m just building a confrontational conversation up in my head, but you’ve put it so simply and succinctly and it needs no more than that. Sorry to hear that you’ve encountered similar experiences before, but grateful that you could share that advice!

A different version of the same problem and probably a wild overreaction given you’re talking about grandparents/grandchild: I didn’t take DH’s name when we got married 2 decades ago. ALL of his extended family call/write/address me by his surname. I just thought it was them being so small minded / backwards that they couldn’t wrap their heads around a woman choosing not to lose her identifier just because she married, so privately pigeon-holed them as such and stopped doing any “wife work” as it pertained to them (why would I expend any energy on people who don’t even know my name, let alone see me as merely an extension of my DH).

I subsequently learned MIL had told them all to address me as such because she was so affronted that I didn’t take her son’s (her HUSBAND’S!) name. I now do no “wife work” as it pertains to her.

I’ve had decades of this posturing. In your shoes, with my history, I’d be telling her to call DD Sarah because she’s seemingly incapable of pronouncing DD’s actual name and maybe that would be easier for her. Life is too short for this BS. (A less fed-up, menopausal response would be to ignore it because very soon your DD will be calling her out on it and she will have to explain herself to a 5yo child).

Thank you, I feel like that’s exactly why they are doing it. But I’ve never encountered someone doing something that petty before so wasn’t sure whether my mind was playing tricks on me. Unfortunately there are a few examples of controlling behaviour - my husband never used to notice them, but I’ve been sensitively bringing them to his attention over the 15 years we’ve been together and thankfully he’s seeing it all clearly now.

If their names are Tom and Jane, refer to them as Toom and Janey, until they get the message about correcting how a name is said.

Oh my goodness, we have the exact same scenario!! I didn’t take my husband’s name either, just because I didn’t want to. He was absolutely fine with that and completely valued my reasoning for retaining my maiden name. But my in laws HATE IT. They also label the envelope Mrs [husband’s first initial] [his surname] as if I’ve lost my first name as well - absolutely baffling! I am sorry you’re in the same boat, but glad I’m not the only one 🙈

Luckily for you your child will start talking soon. I've no doubt everyone has already decided what to call GPs but now you can really piss them off. If she wants to be Granny you can say to DD 'say goodbye to gwan gwan' or meemaw or some other version they don't like. Or a dumb version of her real name, if she is Sarah call her say say etc. This is of course very petty but also satisfying.

It’s my relatives who keep addressing cards to me as Mrs Husband’s FirstName Husband’sSurname!

OP, is it not just possible that there’s no malice, and they just have a mental block about the name (which is lovely) because there are multiple pronunciations and they haven’t got the correct one properly embedded, and are now nervous about it because you correct them a lot and they sense you’re annoyed? I’ve been guilty of similar with a Sophia/Soph-eye-a.

Don’t be baffled. They’re affronted that their son’s wife doesn’t accommodate how things should be in their life. It’s an irritant to them, and they WILL put it right within the limits of their control. They can’t change your name by deed poll, but they will jolly well call you what they think you OUGHT to be called.

Same goes for your DD. They don’t like the name so they won’t use it. They can’t very well call her something completely different, but they can call her something other than the name they don’t like.

If you were me they’d be playing with fire 🤷🏼‍♀️

They are so rude. I love the name. I read a book recently with the main character called Adeline: The Invisible Lives of Addie LaRue if interested.

My mum really struggled saying my nephew's name for far longer than you'd think. But she got there in the end.

I genuinely don't know if she was being a dick about it (she has form) or it was hard to get her head round as it was a little unusual (also has form - she couldn't remember whether my friend was Sara or Sarah and it was always 50:50 whether she'd get the right one).

Eventually your daughter will join in the corrections, and I suspect that will work better than anything.

I get that it can be confusing to keep names straight with acquaintances you see from time to time. But if the Sophia in question was your own grandchild, you seriously think you wouldn’t remember!?

Please give this book to you MIL for Xmas!!