Baby name regret?

[Jennabean17483]

I’m feeling torn. I’ve been living with baby name regret for the last almost 4 years, hoping it would go away, but it’s only gotten worse. My son clearly knows his name now and I feel like it’s too late to change it, but this feeling is awful. Basically I felt from the get go that it wasn’t the right name…but didn’t change it. Then a year went by, another, and I kept thinking that I would grow to love it. I never felt this way AT ALL about my other kids’ names. I never even knew baby name regret was a thing before having my son, and I know I probably would have judged parents in the past for changing their child’s name so late in the game…but I’m feeling like if I don’t change it, this feeling will persist forever. When I think about changing his name to this one name in particular, I feel immense relief…but then I wonder if it will cause deep issues for my son and of course scared of what everyone will think- that I’m a bad parent or weird. I know others’ opinions don’t matter fundamentally. but I still feel so ashamed that I feel this way. I asked my son a few days ago if we were to call him something else, out of these 5 names, what does he like the best? He said he likes the name that I have secretly been thinking about. I never once mentioned this name to him, but he likes it the best, which makes me feel like I should maybe just bite the bullet and change it to this name we both like. My husband and our son’s siblings are supportive. I guess I am just looking for reassurance here. I feel like such a shitty mom because of this. I love my son so so much, so this feeing has been so hard to deal with over the years😥

My eldest was 4 when my youngest was born. He liked a made up name best. Then decided he was called Alfie - a name we couldn’t use.

I don’t think your 4 year old wants to change his name.

Just come up with a family nickname for him and use that.

I think it's too late to be changing his name because of his age, he is aware of it and has begun developing a sense of self.

Is there not a nickname you can use?

I’ve had many people already say “can’t you just call him by a nickname?” The thing is, his name isn’t the kind of name that has a natural nickname. If we were to call him by a nickname, it would be a completely different name, so what’s the difference between calling him by a “nickname” or a new name? It would be a new name to him regardless.

Are you able to tell us the name? Unless it's a very obscure name, it is highly unlikely you would be identified here.

I'm so sorry, you're feeling this way.Sometimes these regrets can have a habit of eating away at us.

Your little boy knows his name and he hasn't expressed any dislike of it.

Do you think that in time you'll be able to come to terms with it?

I don’t think I’ll ever come to terms with his name. It’s been 4 years and the feeling has gotten more intense, not less. 😔I don’t want to reveal it out loud, but it is an unusual name which doesn’t help. There’s always a big thing around his name and lots of questions. A big part of me wishes I went with a more “normal” name. So not only has it never felt right, but the constant questions about it don’t help.

Think about how much you remember of life before you were four - hardly anything. I feel like changing his name would be just another event in his young life and he would get used to it. I guess you’ll need to do it before he starts school.

I had regret with my youngest’s name too and although I did change the spelling to one I preferred more, I should have bitten the bullet. That said, he is completely ‘him’ with the name he has and I do love it (it was just the other name had family traditions).

Well if he seems fine with the name and would find it very odd to be called something different then you'll have to stick with it.
What I meant by nickname wasn't a shortening of a name (James - Jamie, Robert - Bobby etc) but an affectionate term that you can use within the family and doesn't sound to odd when used in public.
The singer Miley Cyrus was born with the name Destiny but her family started calling her "Smiley" which became Miley.
That's what I meant by nickname.

You've left it too long. Now it's not about how you feel, but what it will do to DC. Unless it's a ridiculous or embarrassing name I think it should be left, at least on his birth certificate.

Yeah, I get that. I just feel like I might as well change it to the name that’s been in my heart for the last 4 years, that suits him better. I actually live in Canada and name changes here aren’t a big deal. Just some paperwork and you pay a fee and that’s it. The birth certificate is amended. Logistically it’s not hard to do. It’s more so hard for me emotionally.

Thank you! This is true! I don’t remember much. Little bits and pieces, but it’s all very vague. I chatted with another lady online recently who said she felt the same way as me, but they never changed their son’s name out of fearing it was “too late” but the feeling persisted until finally she couldn’t stand it anymore. Her son was a little over 4 at this point. Her and hubby changed their son’s name when he was 4 to something that felt more fitting (and the boy actually picked out his name). This couple is actually on Instagram with a pretty big following. While the parents went through a mourning process, they said their child was totally fine and everyone adjusted. He’s now 6 and nobody even mentions the old name. I guess my biggest fear isn’t what people think, it’s that I will damage my son in some way, but I know that kids are very adaptable.

I understand better why it's something you have not been able to move past.

If his name is quite unusual to the extent when most people ask questions about it, then I can see why it would remain a sticking point for you. It's always going to be remarked upon.So you're always going to regret it.

Quite what the solution is I don't know.

Could you change his forename and keep the current name as his middle name , or add the new name as a middle name and just call him that.
A very good friend of mine started calling himself by his middle name in his early teens because he didn't like his first name. He said it didn't take long for everyone to call him by his middle name , and he had been at school. So if you son is happy with the new name I'd do it but keep his current one in there somewhere in case he changes his mind.

All best

Yeah totally. I was thinking that the best solution is to give him a new first name, a name I’ve secretly felt is best him best, which also happens to be the name he said he likes the most, and move his first name to his middle name, to not erase the name entirely. I mean, it is an easy process here in Canada. I don’t even need to see a judge or courtroom like in the USA. I just fill out paperwork and pay a fee, and the birth certificate is amended. It’s a straight forward process. The hardest part for me is the guilt I feel over changing it, although he and his siblings seem to like the new name and I’m sure would adjust. I think it’ll be harder for adults to adjust since they are more set in their ways. I just really want to put this whole mess behind me.

The solution is I either don’t change it and let this eat away with me forever (obviously not ideal) or move his first name to his middle name, and add a new first name, and legally change it, which isn’t a big process here in Canada. It’s some silly paperwork and I have to pay $137 CAD and then it’s done. I mean, his current name isn’t horrible. A lot of people actually love it and say it’s a beautiful name, but because I’ve always felt unsure about it and also realized that it will cause extra grief for him in life (like he will always have to spell it out) I guess I’ve realized that in all ways, it makes sense to give him a slightly more common name. The one I have in mind isn’t super common or trendy, but it’s a well known, respectable name for a child, teen and adult alike.

Well as the system seems fairly easy in Canada just change it then 🙂

It's his name now. He's his own person. You would be changing it to suit yourself, not your son.

I wouldn’t say it’s embarrassing but it’s very uncommon and I regret giving him a name he will have to spell out for the rest of his life and also have people question him about it. It’s not a bad or really ridiculous name. A lot of people love it, but a lot of people can’t remember the name and have issues pronouncing it, plus it just doesn’t feel right and never has. It’s hard to convey this feeling to parents who have never felt it before. I never felt like this with my other children and never would have dreamed of changing their names, ever.

That is true, and this is why I haven’t changed it, but what’s worse? Not changing it and feeling cringe/uncomfortable literally every single time I say his name, potentially forever? Or changing it while he’s still young enough to adapt and finally feeling at peace.

Christ, what was the name? Augustus? Lucius? Kevin? Skye? Modigliani? Tate?
what has hounded you all this time?

I’d be looking for some kind of medical advice to be honest.
Having this eat away at you for 4 years to the extent that you actually would ask your child if you can change his name is a bit out of the ordinary.

My daughter is Georgiana, beautiful classical name. Goes by George or georgie. But I do get irate when the doctor or dentist calls her georgina. Not her flipping name, learn how to read.

Please share the name!! I'd love to know what is causing you this amount of distress...!

I’m not going to say the name. It is uncommon, but most people like it. I felt pressured to pick something quickly after a stressful and busy pregnancy where my husband and I had next to no mental capacity to discuss names. I wish my husband and I didn’t rush and waited a week or two before naming him. We went with a name my mom suggested that was unusual, without thoroughly thinking it through or feeling it out. With my other kids’ names, their names clicked right away. Like I knew they were “the ones”- no doubts. With his name I started to feel intuitively like he was meant to be called something else a few days after we named him, but chalked it up to postpartum hormones. It’s a weird feeling. Hard to explain unless you’ve felt it yourself. Makes me sound a bit like a crazy person, I know.

Yes, share the name.

Also, yes, change the name.
Either make your preferred name your son's extra middle name, or make it his first name while moving the other two to middle. Then you can call him the new name.

It is easy paper work and best done before he starts school.
While you are at it, ask your other children whether they would also like an extra middle name. Make it a one off family thing. Then be done with it.