Baby name regret?

[Jennabean17483]

I’m feeling torn. I’ve been living with baby name regret for the last almost 4 years, hoping it would go away, but it’s only gotten worse. My son clearly knows his name now and I feel like it’s too late to change it, but this feeling is awful. Basically I felt from the get go that it wasn’t the right name…but didn’t change it. Then a year went by, another, and I kept thinking that I would grow to love it. I never felt this way AT ALL about my other kids’ names. I never even knew baby name regret was a thing before having my son, and I know I probably would have judged parents in the past for changing their child’s name so late in the game…but I’m feeling like if I don’t change it, this feeling will persist forever. When I think about changing his name to this one name in particular, I feel immense relief…but then I wonder if it will cause deep issues for my son and of course scared of what everyone will think- that I’m a bad parent or weird. I know others’ opinions don’t matter fundamentally. but I still feel so ashamed that I feel this way. I asked my son a few days ago if we were to call him something else, out of these 5 names, what does he like the best? He said he likes the name that I have secretly been thinking about. I never once mentioned this name to him, but he likes it the best, which makes me feel like I should maybe just bite the bullet and change it to this name we both like. My husband and our son’s siblings are supportive. I guess I am just looking for reassurance here. I feel like such a shitty mom because of this. I love my son so so much, so this feeing has been so hard to deal with over the years😥

If your child is old enough to be able to choose a name from a list and understand the ramifications of a name change, that child is too old for you to just change their name because you feel bad. If the child were saying their name gets them bullied and THEY want to change their name, then it's a no brainer. But at this point it seems like you're the one who wants to do it, and no one knows what you'll think in two years or ten or when that child is 18 or 40.

Also, you can just say a name is anything you want. You don't have to introduce a child as Adelbert Steiner if you want his name to be Zidane. Let the kid keep his name, you can refer to him as whatever you want, and if he decides he likes to be called Spiderman you can call him that too.

You don't have to be Jenna, either, if you don't want to be.

You’ve loved him through all of this that’s what matters. He likes the new name, you feel peace thinking about it, and your family supports you.

Oh OP I feel your pain. My DD2 is a similar age and still to this day I have a simmering regret about her name.

I think you should do what you need to do.

I wanted Rowan but my husband said absolutely no more R names (firstborn has an R name and my name also begins with an R). Which I really wish I had pushed on since I would be so happy now if she was called that. I get it would be confusing tho. Plus FIL and one of the cousins is called an R name so I get there are already a fair few in the extended family. My second choice was Elliot (so I obviously love your name choice ☺️) which we could have shortened to Ellie for a girl, but my husband was a big no on that again since it really is a boys name. But again, wish I’d pushed. I love androgynous names that aren’t common, and I think this is my issue wirh my DD2s name (as it’s not androgynous, tho it is uncommon so it doesn’t get the full satisfaction-tick-in-the-boxes).

In the end we settled on my third choice. This kinda adds to my guilt now cos it was still my choice but I dislike it now. I just got obsessed with having a nature ref but it’s pretty tenuous nature ref and I wish I’d researched more androgynous-leaning-girl names and forgot the nature ref. (Willow would have been better than this one! -my fourth choice, although not androgynous so maybe not, unless we called her Will).
We tie ourselves in knots don’t we!

In conclusion to my situation my DD is dead proud of her name letter, says it’s hers. She is protective over her name so I’m leaving her to it. Not saying you should, I’m just telling my story as it helps me. The only thing that helped me feel more at ease is that I made up a nickname for her which I call her (added pip to end of her name and also call her Pipsy sometimes but she sometimes corrects me with her real name) and when I say this I feel happy so I’m leaning into this.

My uncle is called Matt but later found out it’s his middle name. Turns out he hated being called David. So he would have made that change at somepoint. I hated my name at aged 15 as it was usual, and for a while I asked people to call me Emma, but it didn’t stick. Now my name seems to be everywhere -which is the wrong way around 😂.

I def think if you find yourself reacting to the name you don’t like and you have a chance to change it do it. It’s ruining your quality of life otherwise. We influence our kids in so many ways, conscious and unconscious, when you change it this will be one of the conscious ways. If you are happy your kids will be happy.
There are no rules to life, and there is nothing to stop you living your life how you want (-and I include mumsnet judgement in this 😬, hopefully those comments just helped you keep your resolve).