Baby name regret?

[Jennabean17483]

I’m feeling torn. I’ve been living with baby name regret for the last almost 4 years, hoping it would go away, but it’s only gotten worse. My son clearly knows his name now and I feel like it’s too late to change it, but this feeling is awful. Basically I felt from the get go that it wasn’t the right name…but didn’t change it. Then a year went by, another, and I kept thinking that I would grow to love it. I never felt this way AT ALL about my other kids’ names. I never even knew baby name regret was a thing before having my son, and I know I probably would have judged parents in the past for changing their child’s name so late in the game…but I’m feeling like if I don’t change it, this feeling will persist forever. When I think about changing his name to this one name in particular, I feel immense relief…but then I wonder if it will cause deep issues for my son and of course scared of what everyone will think- that I’m a bad parent or weird. I know others’ opinions don’t matter fundamentally. but I still feel so ashamed that I feel this way. I asked my son a few days ago if we were to call him something else, out of these 5 names, what does he like the best? He said he likes the name that I have secretly been thinking about. I never once mentioned this name to him, but he likes it the best, which makes me feel like I should maybe just bite the bullet and change it to this name we both like. My husband and our son’s siblings are supportive. I guess I am just looking for reassurance here. I feel like such a shitty mom because of this. I love my son so so much, so this feeing has been so hard to deal with over the years😥

You can’t change a four year old’s name, whatever the legal situation is! You are just going to have to change your thinking about it.

Well, people have changed their 4 year olds name. It happens more than you realize. There’s a lady named Jinti Fell on Instagram that changed her son’s name from Eyeam to Remi when he was over 4 years old.

Thank you! That sounds like the best plan.

I'm sorry but i really don't think you can at age four. It's not fair on him.

Hmm I don’t think seeing a doctor and being asked to be put on pharmaceutical drugs to numb me out is the answer here. You’ve clearly never dealt with baby name regret. Having baby name regret doesn’t mean you have mental issues.

Just because people on Instagram change their 4 year old child’s name does not make it right.

Honestly, just change it! Children need your love and a stable home, I’m sure you can just slowly introduce the new name as a nickname and they’ll start answering to it and before you know it, that’s their name! I doubt they’ll be traumatised if you take it slow and just work your way to it rather than make it a huge deal! If you’re really worried, you could always keep current name as a middle name and change the first to your preferred? Less drastic that way.

Thank you. Yeah I was thinking of keeping his name anyway, just as a middle name. I have personally talked to other moms who changed their child’s name at age 2,3 or 4 and they said they regret not doing it sooner- the reason it took them so long to change it is because they were silly like me and asked for random peoples’ opinions on the internet and of course had some strong judgements from people- lots of “you can’t change your child’s name! You’re selfish if you do!” Etc. when in reality, they love their child more than anything and just want peace in their heart. Parents makes mistakes and I’ve made plenty, but I’ve always done my best to be there for my kids and give them as much love as I can. I think that’s the most important thing. So I guess I need to stop doubting myself and shaming myself, and let go of the opinions of others. My son has already told me he loves the new name and likes being called it.

He has said he likes this other name and wouldn’t mind being called it. So I don’t know. I don’t think it would be as dramatic and traumatizing as many people are making it out to be. It’s still a hard decision though and as his mom, I still feel guilt over it.

Leave his name as it is and if he wants to change it in future himself then he can.

you say you feel guilt at his name, that’s your issue don’t put it onto your son and make him doubt his name.

Bloody hell, why has it taken you so long to put up with a name you hate? Why won't you share the name? Is it something cringe like cinnamon or yoga mat?
Christ did you boy have a list with H?

Because I was hoping I would accept it. I didn’t want to change it due to my own issues- I was hoping I could figure out a way to accept it, but I haven’t been able to. I also care deeply about him and don’t want to damage him in any way. If I didn’t care about his wellbeing, I would have changed it a long time ago…but I do, deeply! This is why it’s been so hard. I get that most people don’t get it though. Unless one has experienced it, it’s impossible to understand.

It’s not a cringey name, but it’s uncommon enough where if you looked it up, you would find info about my family and my son which I dont want.

I think you are on the cusp of it being too late and you should bit the bullet and do it. You've thought it through well and everyone who matters is on board.

Sometimes we just make the wrong decision. You can change this one.

If you won't say his name, can you share what you want to change it to?

If you're sure the issue really is the name and not some underlying insecurity or anxiety issue then I would just get it changed. I don't think 4 is too old for a name change - after all, some people get their names changed far later in life and cope fine with it.

I had this with my son, the feeling has finally subsided now, he’s seven! He loves his name and it suits him, it does have lots of nickname options though and he uses them all! I do love his name now and I’m glad I didn’t change it but it has been a journey. It sounds to me like you’ve already made your decision. Whereas, I was on the fence; I wanted to change it but didn’t know what to/kept changing names). I think you should go with your gut, you don’t need affirmation. X

You seem to have already made up your mind to change it so I doubt this will make any difference but anyway..

Personally, I think it’s far too late. As a pp said, you’d be changing the name for you, not for him. I have a 4yo myself and it would be hugely confusing and destabilising to ask them to suddenly start responding to a different name (plus for other siblings/family members/friends).

In your shoes I would be looking to find a way of coming to terms with the name he has so that you can park this and move on. And I would be making sure not to say or do anything that makes him doubt his name or think that you dislike it.

Imo it isn't your name to change now is it?

The name we have been thinking of changing it to is Elliott.

If he likes it and it doesn't overly complicate things like medical records then just do it.

Does he write his name now?

I think it's far too late personally and about your feelings, not your son.

You seem to have made your mind up. You don’t need the approval of people here. You’ve laid out your reasons. I like the idea of moving his current name to his middle name. That way if he wants to later revert back to that it is still his name.

Have you tried using it to call him by it?

My mum changed my brother's name when he was 9. It's because a random sports coach came out with a mispronunciation of our surname that when combined with his first name ended up sounding like a disease. My mum hyphenated the name, so instead of being e.g Jacob, he became Jacob-Rhys (not real name, obv).

It is not a conventionally hyphenated name like John-Paul or Mary-Anne, and initially to me it sounded very clunky. But it does the job, it prevents any further mispronunciations, and has opened up a world of new nicknames. Could you bear to hyphenate? Elliott-Rex or whatever might not be the most beautiful name, but over time you could just drop the 'Rex' between yourselves, and apart from his passport etc, he could just go by Elliott in life if he wanted to later on.