Advice re names - totally unable to agree

[Floam6]

Hi all, I’m really sorry as this is one of a few posts on this but my husband and I just cannot agree on a name for our nearly 3 week old daughter and I just really don’t know what to do but it’s making me feel unbelievably low and sad. On top of that, everyone keeps asking me what she is called and I feel ashamed she doesn’t have a name yet and as if we just can’t be bothered so I am avoiding people. And I am starting to panic as we are no closer to a solution and the deadline is getting closer.

He is very set on a few names which I just don’t like (Madeleine, Delphine, Clarissa, Fleur, Gabrielle). I just don’t like them at all and would prefer something softer. I suggested names for months and months during the pregnancy but he wasn’t particularly interested although he said he didn’t like my options. I like Phoebe, Clara, Sophie, Isobel/Isabella (although it is a siblings middle name so doesn’t bother me but perhaps not sensible), Lucy. I just don’t know how we resolve this but I am feeling so upset and worried.

@Floam6 Why don't you both pick 3 names each you both like or agree you could like and put all 6 names into a hat then pull them out and agree that whatever comes out is what you will stick with?

Don't add names you know you hate. That defeats the purpose.

You both seem to like classical Greek and French names so there will be a compromise in those areas you both like.

Avoid any Isabel names they are really over used and boring. All the others are nice particularly Clara you could say Nutcracker theme as pre Christmas birthday

Use an App which so you can each independently say yes or no to lots of names and see which ones are a match at the end.

I would say his names are better as first names, they are unique but not unheard of and have multiple options for nicknames as they grow up.

Your names would make nice middle names to soften them.

I’d let him pick the first name and add your own personality with the middle names.

Objectively I’d much rather be a Delphine than a Lucy, his names are much more unforgettable and they feel well thought out.

Thank you all. I loved Clara especially because of the Christmas/Nutcracker tie. I feel so sad that I will need to settle on a name for my beautiful girl who I grew and birthed but at this point I would do that, although we can’t even seem to agree on average names.

Clara is a lovely name!

Thank you @everdinebut I’m not allowed that one…he’s vetoed it.

Did you suggest you pick the first name, he picks the middle name... for example Phoebe Madeleine is lovely.
If he tells you no, then you have few options:

1. decide on name on your list and simply announce the name to your husband - e.g. hubby, she's names Clara, I don't take no for an answer let's go to registry
2. tell him very clearly he has to forgo his list - but that would mean you have to forgo yours list too - and then find new name

Also! My mother never called me by my first name, unless I was in deep shit, and only used my middle name.

Could you decide on a longer name that he likes that has a shorter more traditional nickname? Remove the veto power and try and find combinations that make you both happy.

You're either going to have to keep going until you find a name that you can both compromise on, or put all the names you both like in a hat and agree that you'll use the first one that gets picked out.

Just call her Bea and have done with it.

Bea - your 1st choice - his 1st choice - surname.

I'm not a fan of diminutives but in this case neither of you are going to give an inch and she needs a name.

Clara and Clarissa are very similar to me - could you not go with Clarissa but call her Clara on a day to day basis?

I don’t think any of your names sound a million miles apart from each other tbh - is there more going on here?

I agree with PPs suggestions of putting names you both don’t hate into a hat if you really can’t agree.

You both need to forget all the names you disagree on. We did this with DS, I had about 10 and DH 5 that we each vetoed for the other. So then we came up with a few more each and one was a match for us both so we went with that one. Middle name had a family connection so that one was an easy choice to make.

Don't feel ashamed, you're not the first to not have a name straight away. What have you been calling her? Baby/baby girl? Or are there any nicknames already or a name which you feel is more her?

Slightly different to the ones you've listed but might be names you can agree on:

Daphne
Sophia
Annabel
Belle/Bella
Elle
Melissa/Elissa
Nancy

I’m sorry you can’t use it. It really is a lovely name and The Nutcracker ballet is beautiful!

I’m not helping here, sorry!

Clarissa / Clara was my first thought.

But if he doesn't like Clara you can't use it as a short name.
My family have a cat, and she has a name - but DH and DS insist on calling her some stupid god awful name and I hate it ....

Bea is lovely too!

@Floam6 , You want to call her Phoebe. Call her Phoebe. He's had his choice for DC2 & DC3.

When people ask, say the baby is Phoebe. Say it loud and proud. They will say they like it.

Phoebe Madeleine

I'm afraid that I always feel the mother should have the final say on names, but if the father doesn't naturally feel this then you can't do it unfortunately.

Call the baby Clara Madeleine!

Clara and Clarissa are so close though. Could Clarissa known as Clara work?

You had lots of suggestions when you posted about thuu it a last week. I believe Clara / Clarissa was the most suggested option

Giselle?

I just thought of it as he likes Gabrielle but you like softer.

Don't stress, OP. It's important to get it right. No-one will be thinking anything of it.

As your DH likes the name Gabrielle and you like Isabella but have already used it, would you both like Gabriella? Nice & Christmassy too!

Giselle is a romantic ballet too!