Family trying to put us off a name

[lookingforanamex]

Trying to choose a name for DD2. Been really struggling to find anything we like. We like Liliana (‘-ana’ would be pronounced ‘-anna’ in our area’s accent) but DP’s 10 year old niece has a name ending in -anna (double n) but the start of the name is different.

Family also commonly call niece by her nickname, which is the start of her name, so we thought they might do the same with our baby, and call her Lily for short which would mean there was no similarity at all.

When family asked about our name ideas, MIL was indignant that we couldn’t use ‘niece’s name’.

Later, SIL started sending name ideas to us and asking our opinion so we assume she didn’t like the idea either.

A week later, on the wider family group chat, DP was asked again what names are on the list and Liliana was on there. The next morning, MIL called DP to tell him that niece had now been crying that baby cousin will be stealing her name. Niece isn’t in the group chat and wouldn’t put it past MIL/SIL to plant this idea with her to guilt trip DP and I.

Are we out of order for considering a name that ends in the same sound?

If we are, has anyone got any ideas for other names we might like? Feeling pretty gutted tbh.

Said a few times now we just responded to being asked if we had any names in mind, will be avoiding name chat in future.

whoosh!

If you’ve deduced from my posts that we intended to wind them up, I don’t know what to tell you… you’d hate to hear what my name is if how we pronounce Liliana has generated that reaction - I’ve spent my life with a made up name that is pronounced nothing like its spelling and coped (somehow 😂)

I’d go with another nice name on your list.

YABU to have been daft enough to include wider family in name discussions as its heehaw to do with them 😉.

Use whatever name you want, nothing to do with anyone else.

By the time the kids are in their 30's they'll probably only ever see each other at family funerals so who cares if they have different but similar names.

Lilianne
Lillith
Lilya/liliya

Just in case. But you are fine with the original too

I think you should say you've changed your mind and are calling her Anna Polly...

@lookingforanamex agree your family are out of order but if you did want to change but keep the crux of the original name, what about slight variation like Lina? So Lilli-Anna sound is still there in more subtle/abridged form though if that makes sense.

Lydia
Linda
Lynda
Lymphatic
Lyla
Layla
Leilani
Leah
Lorelei
Lauren
Lia
Lidl
Aldi

Just use the name you like

and sil is disgusting if she isn’t telling her dd to grow up - no one owns a name especially when it’s a different bloody name

I hate to say this OP but I do think the names are too close. If no one minded then fine, but they do mind and quite a lot apparently. Their reaction seems over the top but I suppose it is better than simmering with silent resentment forever more.

We have this in our family and i do find it a bit weird whenever I hear the two names. I think these two are too similar but your family are way out of line for the guilt trip.

It’s not traditional for us at all. When we were choosing names for the eldest it didn’t occur to us that it might matter, with the youngest it didn’t occur to us at all.

Just chose the name you want.

I suppose my thoughts are why do they mind so much? It wouldn’t bother me if a cousin had a name with a similar sounding ending to my DD1. It does feel a bit like the whole ‘owning a name’ thing, which I don’t agree with anyway, but stretched to ‘owning names that are similar’.

What’s also interesting to me is there are lots of people saying it’s a non-issue but then there are a few people saying the names are too similar - it seems it just comes down to personal opinion rather than a moral right or wrong about similar names. MIL’s reaction had made me feel like we had done something awful suggesting that name.

My DC have two cousins with the same first name (different last names) I have the same name as my parent's best friend's DD.one of my DDs has the same first AND last name as their dad's cousin's DD.

It just seems bonkers to me that people would worry about names with similar endings.....

Call your DD whatever you want.

I don’t believe for one moment that the niece was crying.

And any responsible parent would tell her not to be ridiculous, the name is different and her cousin can be called whatever the parents decide.

This is a problem caused by discussing names before birth, and especially ever asking an opinion.

Exacerbated by ridiculously hysterical ILs.

Tell them to calm down and back off.

Use the name you want, absolutely.

However, I can see why the wider family think they are incredibly similar as they are both 4 syllable names with just a different first syllable.

Having the same three last syllables sounding "li-an-na" does make them much more similar than you initially indicated.

They are being unreasonable but equally Pollyanna and Lilyanna are quite similar, 3 of the 4 syllables are identical and Lilyanna is basically Pollyanna with the ‘Po’ swapped for ‘Li.’

Do you like any other names which could have Lily as a nickname?
Lilith
Lilian/ Lillienne/ Lilianne
Lilibet
Liliah

Maybe I’ve misjudged them not being as similar as you say, because I look at Liliana and Pollyanna and just see them as similar but different, but when you break it down like that I can see it.

I don’t like the idea of bothering anyone with our name choice intentionally but equally I’m not sure why it matters to the extent that MIL has been saying niece was crying (whether or not she was).

Why not just do Lilian as a name and shorten to lily?

And yes I would say liliana is Lili ah na and Polly is an na but if you were to say them the day then it is just the Pol that is different

Or even Lilibeth which is beautiful and doesn't have a random capital letter shoved in the middle..

I think this is going to be a great lesson in resilience for your niece and a showing that she's going to meet a great number of people in her life who have names similar to hers; also that it doesn't detract one whit from her what anyone else is called.

Fgs dont be putting your list of potential names on the family group chat. Just call your child what you like and ignore them. You really dont have to run this past them x