Can you politely tell people 'don't nickname my daughter'

[JenniferHart]

Obviously you can do it, but can you do it and still maintain your easygoing friendly image. Or would that ONE comment throw your whole personality out of the water and reveal you as an anal freak putting on a show....

JUST wondering.

If the full name is Elizabeth/Eliza (for eg, not the actual name) and a friend you see a lot of calls child lizzy, then that could really stick, couldn't it?

Yes, very simpley you just say, Do not my child [whatever], her name is Elizabeth/Eliza

I agree in principle with just politely correcting anyone using the abbreviated version of your DCs name.

However, I find it difficult to put this into practise. DD is Catriona and her cousin calls her Katy, pronounced in a north Bavarian accent it is Kaadi. It makes me shudder. I have said to her that her name is Catriona but she still uses Kaaaadiii. shudder

DD was asked today if she has a nickname and she answered, "Cat", so perhaps she will do this with her cousin. If not we will live with it.

PFBitis I'm afraid, as they get older other people will call them what they will. Are you really going to go around all their mates and say "excuse me his/her name is actually X"?, are you going to listen in to every lesson, every extra curricular activity and correct people?
Actually i think it's pretty rude to correct other people's speech in virtually any way, and suspect that even if they correct how they address your offspring will still think under their breath.

although in all honesty, after raising three of my own and insisting that they are referred to by their correct names, I have learned that it is a total waste of time and effort. They are now 27, 23 and 18 - and no-one else, apart from me and DH call them by their proper names.
Then there's GS - he's five, but insists that everyone at school calls him by the shortened version of his name (he's done this since he was 3 and I absolutely hate it), once again, we are the only ones who use his full name - no matter what you say to people, they will use whatever the child wants them to use.

I just say my Dds name after they have called her the 'wrong' one!
So they say Isn't Zen tall? I say Yes Zazen is tall. DD also corrects people and now gets them to 'say XY with her'.

They get it eventually

I really don't get why it would bother anyone.

Nicknames are affectionate - people generally feel affectionate towards their friends' kids and imo playing around with their names shows warmth. It is the norm in many cultures and I really think some names don't 'sit' well on young kids. It's great that their parents chose them and when they're older they may well want to be called by them but until then I think it's kind of rude to pick people up. I, for one, would be - if not offended - a bit

I have friends who do it to me and I like the fact that they have their own unique nickname for me rather than my very ordinary full name!

If you wouldn't do it to an adult, why do it to a child? I think this about a lot of things, like strangers touching kids. You don't go up to a strange adult and rub their hair, why do it to a child?

Would be odd to 'nickname' or touch a stranger, but it's affectionate to nickname and touch people/kids you know.

If you didn't know someone well it would seem overly familiar, but if it's a friend/ realtive it seems quite natural to me.

You should take this into account when choosing a name.

I loved the name Elizabeth, but there are so many shortenings and variations I didn't like it would make me reluctant to choose it. You can control it while they're young, to a certain extent (at the risk of making yourself look, and feel, uptight) but once school starts, you have no control.

have only read op but people shorten my name without asking all the time. I always use the full name when asked my name but people then take it upon themselves to shorten which to me is odd. I correct them and a lot of the time they think i'm getting shirty but i don't like the shortened version for me fine for other people

i don't understand why anyone would shorten a name without checking first but it's quite common. I would just correct it

But people do do it to children.

I was on a course with a Genevieve and she was saying people she doesn't know will call her Gen after she's told them her name. I have the same thing when I tell new people Tink's name, they immediately say "hello Izzy!" 'I don't remember saying her name was Izzy...'

She might like Izzy when she's older but she may hate it - right now it reminds me of Neighbours! She may prefer to take an Elizabeth shortening as Isobel is a corruption of Elizabeth, out of respect for her future preferences she will be called by her name till she's at an age when she can choose her own name. And people do nickname her, everyone calls her Tink and variations.

I think all you no-shorteners are precious beyond belief

come on, folks you cannot control every aspect of your child's life

tinkerbelle - she will be called Izzy

everyone called Isabelle is.

Did you not take that into account?

I always used to correct people on my name. I find it really strange when I introduce myself as 'Rebecca' and people immediately start using 'Becky' instead. If friends/family give me a nickname or shorten it, I don't mind. Surely the same applies to kids? I wouldn't just randomly shorten the name of a child I met, but if I knew them well I might do so affectionately. If they (or parents) asked me not to, I'd respect that. I don't bother to correct people now, but interestingly I've found that people don't tend to automatically shorten my name now I'm older.

All my family have names that are normally shortened and we're all most commonly known by the 'long' version so I don't think it's inevitable that a name will end up being shortened.

I think differently about this. I call one of my children by his full name and the other by a nickname of my choosing. But I think that other people have different relationships with them - and therefore call them different things. For example, my ds is Patrick - and that's what I call him. His irish uncles call him the Irish version of his name which I can't spell, his football coach calls him Pat, his big boy cousins call him PJ and a lot of the rest of the family call him Patch. I don't see a problem with this as long as he doesn't. He's part of a wider community and has his own place in it. Does that make sense?

Not necessarily, I know a lot of people who use their name in full, most of my family for example. If she wants to be called that she can, but it is rude of strangers to just make the assumption that they can shorten it. I don't really care what she wants to call herself, it is her name.

... and heffagooddays family too!

I'm sure I just said exactly the same to you in response to your question as what was in the post you were questioning. Did you read the whole post?

I am Susan and hate Sue, which my family call me , but somehow havent ever been able to say.

So have kind of put my foot down over our dd1, Katherine, which every one calls her - FIL was the bother to begin with. Other kids dont have a shorten-able name really.

Her schoolfriends call her Kathy, which I also like, and I think it will catch on in time. But I want HER to like it, not me.

Strangers it's rude.

People who know you, it's affectionate, familiar and relaxed and will happen.

If you tell some one you don't like it,and they still persist however, they are rude.

But you can't tell everyone all the time, withou apperaing uptight i'm afraid. Particuarly if it's not you but your child.

Enid was right, if you call some one Isabel you have to consider they are likley to get called Izzy at some point.

If you call some one Elizabeth, they are likley to get called Lizzy/liz at some piont.

if you call some one Benjamin they are likley to get called Ben by someone.

If you call some one Abigail they are going to be called Abby at some point.

etc etc etc

This shouldn't really be news to anyone.

well re my name my parents considered the shortening and didn't mind it but I do. Not precious, just don't like it.

I do find it odd that people just assume that they can call you/dc by a shortened version without seeing if others call them it. For a child it only takes listening to realise that the parents always cal then x not y so it's not hard, just curteous. And with my own name no-one i know calls me the shortening i hate but when i met dh his entire family took to using it until dh said that i hate it

And what do you do when its their father shortening their name? I despise the shortened version of dd's name that dh calls her. She's called Alexa, we call her Alexa or Lexie, but dh calls her Lex. I hate it.

Weegiemum and eddas - well said.

You can do it and you can do it without offence but you will look less easy going than if you didn't say a word.

TinkerbellesMum - there's an Isabel in my family and she's always been Isabel Well, I have various daft nicknames for her but I still refer to her generally as Isabel.

I was a bit precious about my name when I was younger, although it was mostly because I hated having such a common name.

You can control it when they are little but once they start school there is nothing you can do!! My eldest DS has a long name, I ALWAYS call him by it, so do DH and grandparents-everyone else shortens it! Second DS has a name that can't really be shortened so all his friends call him by his surname! You also have to allow for the fact that your DD might prefer the shortened form.

I think that a name belongs to the person, not the person who called them it. And if the person who's name it is doesn't mind, then surely it's up to them? Even if they are 3 years old? Most 3 year olds I know are more than capable of letting somebody know they don't want to be called Lizzie.