Brother wants to use my name

[MaryAntoinette]

Bit of a tricky situation. I have two daughters, both of whom we've hesitated calling Esme. They've ended up with different names but it was a very close call each time up until the actual birth day, and my second daughter has Esme as a middle name. Now I'm pregnant with my third child, and surprise, it's a girl!

We're now considering using Esme (at last!) as her name.

But over the weekend, my brother who is engaged, told us how much they loved the name Esme when we were speaking about it, and that they'd like to use it for their future daughter. My DB's fiancée is not pregnant so it's all hypothetical.

What do we do? Use Esme or leave it to my brother even though it's all very theoretical at this stage.

If we use it - is it weird to name your third daughter with the middle name of the second one?
If we don't - is it weird for my DB to use it in the future?

I think it is a bit weird to use your daughter's middle name, but not weird for your brother.

Just use it. There’s no reason not to.

It’s not a problem it’s also your second one’s middle name

It’s unlikely your brother will chose to use it, but if he does, he does

I don't think it matters if its your second child's middle name.

I think you should use it if you really want to. It's ridiculous to not just in case your brother might want to use it in the future.
They might not have children, split up or have all boys.

I think you should use it - you’ll regret it if you don’t as it’s been your favourite for so long.

is it weird to name your third daughter with the middle name of the second one?

I think it is. You liked the name, you used it already.

If you want to use it then do it. Your hypothetical niece is not relevant.
I'm not sure I'd like to have my older sibling's middle name as my first name.

There's a famous married couple who used their one of their elder son's middle names for his little brother, and he also has the male version of his sister's name as a middle name.

Thank you - second contender is Eliza if we don't use Esme. I love Domino but my husband strongly vetoed it 😂

Be honest, did you decide you might want to use it for your 3rd child AFTER your brother mentioned wanting to use it?

Because you obviously didn't like it enough to use it as a first name for your first 2, so is it more that you want to have it in reserve just incase, rather than actually loving the name.

But of you genuinely love it, you can obviously still use it. I'd feel a bit bad for the daughter though, having her name the same as her sister's middle name.

I much prefer Eliza anyway! There are lots of Esmes

You've already used the name for your second daughter. It's her name now, even if it isn't used day to day as much as a first name would be.

It wouldn't be so odd for your brother to use as a first name but you shouldn't use it again. It will take something away from your existing daughter and your new one to share it as siblings.

Prefer Eliza anyway.

but if you want Esme, do it. You’re actually having a baby. Your brother might have only boys?!!

It is weird to use your older child’s second name for a subsequent child’s first name. It’s like telling the older one you regret your name choice for them. And within your nuclear family, that name is already hers.

Esme is going through too much of a resurgence right now anyway. They’re everywhere.

Not really. Don't the royal family do this regularly?

Op , use it if you want. Dont save a name for someone that might never need it.

I think given you didn't use it for your first daughter and then used it for your second daughter's middle name it's odd you now want to use it as a first name and does seem like it's just because your brother mentioned it.

Given you've used it as a middle name it would be strange to use it again and I would leave it for your brother to use it he and his wife chose it when the time comes.

Surely tho if you loved it that much you would’ve used it already ? It’s like it’s an almost name but it’s not quite right for whatever reason .
Now if you name your DD Esme it’s gonna cause upset for a name that you ain’t been sure about for years .
Give her a fresh name . Maybe it will give you a special bond with any future niece .

Your love for Esme has only been renewed because of your brother saying he wanted to use it. If you REALLY loved it that much, after two DDs, you would already have used it for a first name.

I absolutely love Eliza but - just a tongue in cheek word of warning - it’s my DDs middle name & today she bought home her GCSE candidate information & pointing to her middle name said “does that HAVE to be on there?” 😂😂😂

Very odd to use your daughter’s middle name as a first name for your other daughter. When they’re older and realise this, this might be a sore spot for the girls.

Not weird for brother to use it but almost irrelevant because they’re not having a baby yet.

Eliza’s a lovely alternative. Elodie is also nice. You could have Emilie and shorten it to Emme/Emmie if you like the sound.

My friends middle name is her sisters first name. My friend is the eldest.

i don’t find it strange at all.

however I do prefer Eliza out of your two names,

As teenagers my friend told us all we couldn’t use a certain girls name. None of us used it and lo and behold she never had any children.

Yes I don't know what's about me and this name. I do love it so much though, but husband didn't for our first girl, so we ended up using another name that really suits her. He came round for our second daughter who was going to be Esme up until right after her birth where it didn't seem quite right and that our second runner up, Serena, would suit her better. But it was such a difficult choice. And now I'm like...after all this, surely I should use it!
But my brother told me he loves it, and it's a middle name for my DD2 so...yeah. Maybe it's not meant to be.
Thanks everyone for your views

So you already have 2 dds, and didn't use the name....? I'm not sure you can tell your brother not to use it.

Did your brother know it’s one of your top names? If yes then he shouldn’t be surprised if you use it. If no then it will look like you picked it after your conversation.

Domino hoo hoo!!

@oncimesmask he definitely knows, I've been quite vocal about my first DD almost being an Esme and second one too. But he didn't know my second DD's middle name was Esme.

Is the reason you don’t really want him to use it is because it’s nice for your child to feel their name is individual and chosen especially for them ?

If so - I really don’t think you can name your child the same as the middle name of their sibling.

theres a reason you didn’t use it before