Brother wants to use my name

[MaryAntoinette]

Bit of a tricky situation. I have two daughters, both of whom we've hesitated calling Esme. They've ended up with different names but it was a very close call each time up until the actual birth day, and my second daughter has Esme as a middle name. Now I'm pregnant with my third child, and surprise, it's a girl!

We're now considering using Esme (at last!) as her name.

But over the weekend, my brother who is engaged, told us how much they loved the name Esme when we were speaking about it, and that they'd like to use it for their future daughter. My DB's fiancée is not pregnant so it's all hypothetical.

What do we do? Use Esme or leave it to my brother even though it's all very theoretical at this stage.

If we use it - is it weird to name your third daughter with the middle name of the second one?
If we don't - is it weird for my DB to use it in the future?

also think it’s weird to use her middle name as her sister’s first name. Not weird for your brother though.

No one gets dibs on a name.
It’s why you should never disclose potential baby names until your child arrives and you announce the name. Someone else might have a baby first and use a name from your shortlist because they heard it and liked it.

if your daughter is born first, you can use the name.

Think of other names that you like.
You have used Esme for your second daughter so she might want to use that one day herself.

Alizee
Ester
Aster
Elsie
Maisie

How will your other daughter feel about being the only one without the name connection?

Go for something else. Maybe something more unusual, Asra?

You're actually pregnant, she isn't so have what you like
Personally, I much prefer Eliza to Esme, but it's not weird to use a name twice
The Royal Family do this all the time

You've had 2 girls already and already used Esme as a middle name - let it go! Choose something else for number 3.

My first name is my older sister's middle name (it's pretty unusual too). We joke about it on occasion but there's no issues with it - my sister has a distinctive first name of her own and middle names are rarely used in reality. I'd just use Esme if you love it!

You've already used it on your second daughter.

I wouldn't use it. Not because your brother and his partner like it for their hypothetical future daughter (may never happen and likely to have changed their mind by then, if ever it does), but because you've already used it for your daughter's middle name. It will look to your third daughter that you couldn't be bothered to think of anything new for her. I know many people use names they considered in previous pregnancies but you didn't just consider it, you actually used it as part of her name.

I've known people to use the same middle name for multiple children, as it's a family name, but using a middle name of one child as the first name for another seems really lazy, like to you couldn't be bothered to think of anything different for that child.

Eliza is nicer than Esme imo. So is Elizabeth.
Or Elsie.

Just start calling your 2nd Daughter by her middle name as a nickname.

I wouldn't use the middle name for 3rd child.
It creates some false bond between the two of them that excludes the 3rd sister.
And will always be a 'thing' about them.

Change her child's name so her brother can't use it? What??

It's not your name, you don't own it.

I think it’s odd they want to use the name you’ve loved for so long, but sometimes a name grows on you after hearing it over a long time and maybe that’s what has happened here.

I think it would be strange for you to use it now having given it to your middle daughter - it’s now her name.

My mum is the youngest of four girls, and has no middle name. Her parents were quite open about saying they’d run out of girls’ names they liked!

Reusing a name has similar vibes, I wouldn’t.

I'm not convinced that 'the Royal family do it' is a strong argument for something not being a bit odd.

@BarnacleBeasley , the major royals are limited in the names they can choose, but some of the late Queen Elizabeth's great-grandchildren have names that don't meet my approval.

Don't sidestep a name that you love because someone might get pregnant in future and has a 50/50 chance of being able to use the name you like.

However, don't give DD3 DD2's middle name, that feels odd. It's like you didn't like it enough to call DD2 it, but you now can't think of anything else. Let DD3 have her own name. I like Eliza more.

I agree. You have used the name. Your brother can use it as he hasn't used the name.

.. and absolutely nothing the royal family do is at all weird.
It is weird. Give your new daughter her own name.

I know a family…father and 3 boys. All have both a first and a middle name. Between all of them there are only 4 names.

OP, I wouldn’t not use the name just because your brother might want to use it. If you like it, you use it. I don’t think it’s a big deal that an older sister already has the name as a middle name. I would give careful thought as to why it didn’t make the cut the first two times you were choosing first names. I would also consider if there could be confusion over Esmeee or Esmay and if that will annoy you/your daughter.

Your DB says he likes the name now but by the time his child comes along (if they even have a girl) he may have a completely different name in mind.

I much prefer Eliza but tbh you could just say to him that you’re possibly going to call your daughter Esme and feeling a bit awkward after he said he likes it too.

I’m not sure why you didn’t speak up at the time?

That's one of the weirder things I've seen on here lately, which is saying something...

This!

Please give your third daughter her OWN name. She deserves it. By reusing her sister’s middle name it feels like you ran out of names and couldn’t be bothered to find a name for her!

It's one thing to have a family surname that you give to any and all DCs as a middle name, but it's something else again to give a given name to one child as a middle name and another as a first name. I agree with other PPS, it sounds like you couldn't find another name out of hundreds to give your third DD a name of her own.
Eliza is a lovely name!