Everyone naming baby the same as ours!

[Bubble92]

So we recently had a baby boy. We thought long and hard about his name and eventually chose one which is fairly common but there were no others of that name in either of our families across several generations. Let's pretend it was Thomas Jack.
A year later my husband's cousin had a baby and called him Thomas. Now, my husband's extended family is quite close and although they live quite far away we see them quite a bit. I was privately miffed but I'm a reasonable person (i hope!) and obviously don't own the name and it is fairly common so I didn't say anything.
Fast forward to now..another cousin has had a baby boy and called him Thomas Jack. First and middle names the same as our son. Like what? There are other boys names out there! I know it's a great name 😂 but seriously. I'm not going to say anything because I know they are entitled to choose any name, but I do think it's weird.
Now there will be three Thomas's similar ages at family get togethers. I do feel a bit upset about it tbh. Would you be upset?

People here will say you don’t own a name, but I think it’s a weird thing to do and I would never do it.
my cousin named her son the same as mine 5 years later and they went to the same school, its a fairly uncommon name too. 😤

If you’ve picked an extremely common name it’s to be expected well used.

The more common the name, the more it will be used. Just you wait until he starts school 😲

There were 5 Thomases in DS’s class in school. 4 girls called Ella in another year, and 5 called Olivia in a Nursery setting of 60 children.

If you pick something fairly common it’s going to crop up. The child of a cousin isn’t exactly a close relative, though. I wouldn’t let it bother you.

I think actually you've touched on why this bothers me. That they've assumed we're not close enough for it to matter. I know in lots of families it wouldn't (my own side would be like this) but my husband's side are really close and see each other a lot. At least, I thought we were close.

I know there is another with this name in our son's preschool, but that doesn't bother me!

Yes! I agree! It's around 50th in the baby name charts and I fully expected there to be lots in DS class...but not 3 his generation in the family I guess.

I'm glad it's not just me who finds it weird! I expected lots with the same name at school etc, but not family!

I agree it’s weird, I can’t imagine calling my child the same name as someone in the same generation in either side of the family.

I'm thinking I should just look on it as a compliment. We are trend setters!

It's very annoying and unimaginative!

Names are used to IDENTIFY people

It also lacks respect towards you.

I agree - very odd to do this within a family and same generation. It's one of the things to consider when choosing a name like can it be shortened, or made into a horrid nickname, do the initials spell something rude, etc.

If they had said at the time you had your son 'oh we had that as our first choice!' fair enough but otherwise it is baffling.

I do think it's weird if you see each other regularly. My cousin called her daughter the same name as mine about a year later but I haven't seen her for a decade so it's really no issue. (Her first son has my husband's name so if she has another and doesn't name it after me I'll be offended 🤣🤣🤣.)

@Bubble92 I think the "not close enough to matter" is exactly it.

You expect (especially with more common names) to see it around and for duplicates in classes, but generally you'd expect someone very close eg your sibling not to give their child the same name as your child for example.

It IS weird to use the same name when it's someone very close who they will see very regularly.

Thinking of names for future children, there's a girls name I've always loved but some friends (who I had never mentioned the name to) used it for their baby last year.

I say friends but nowadays we see each other less and less and are more like distant friends I suppose.

Whether or not I could get away with the name feels like a grey line at the moment.

I think if I did, they wouldn't be annoyed but it does sort of give off a message that I don't feel close enough to them to actively not use it. Even if not consciously, I think it would almost add to the distance as I'm indicating that I'm putting them in the "distant" category.

I'm sure lots of people will insist that it's fine to use a name in any situation but I think generally if someone named their child "Tarquin Winston" and then their brother used the same name the year after, most family members would think it very very odd.

So there is a line. Where that line is does change depending on how common the name is and how close you are but there is a line somewhere.

It lacks imagination for sure and it's a bit odd if you see each other regularly, but I guess it's a compliment of sorts!
My DD2 had baby no 2 on Thursday and we are going to have the opposite problem... it's a classical name (nothing made up) but she will likely be the only one in her class with it and her other grandparents can't seem to grasp how it's pronounced so I think we can look forward to some funny versions!
(Or some folk will think it's from Grey's Anatomy as there is a character there with it, but not why they chose it!)

If they had said at the time you had your son 'oh we had that as our first choice!' fair enough

No, they should have chosen another name for their son. There are more than enough different names to choose from!!!

Sounds like you've been unlucky. If you'd picked a relatively common name like River, Arlo, Otis or Jaxon, it might have been unsurprising to have a few amongst your acquaintances, but with an uncommon name like Thomas you'd think that you would have been safe.

Boarding schools (where children were traditionally referred to by surname) have dealt with kids having the same name without any difficulty for centuries.

It goes by birth order:
Thomas Major
Thomas Minor
Thomas Minimus

Very straightforward.

My DH's brother & wife named their son the same as mine but opposite way round so if mine was Thomas Jack theirs was Jack Thomas. At the last moment they dropped the Thomas and picked a different name.

They cousins two years apart and the only grandsons. I thought it very insensitive and if I'd have had any idea they wanted to use "Jack" I would have chosen differently.

Now my DS finds it a bit strange that his middle name isn't his own but rather his cousins name.

We're a small family and I was really pissed off but what can you do.

🤣🤣🤣 those names are now common and Thomas is un common🤣🤣🤣

How times change

I can see why it would annoy you op but it seems as if you are sensible enough not to mention it. If it's any consolation our DC has a name that only 6 others were registered with that year, when they went to school one of the other 6 was in their class

Refer to him as 'Original Thomas' at family gatherings, it will both identify which Thomas you mean and slightly annoy the other parents every time, so win-win.

I find it hard to really get worked up about it, but then my DH comes from a culture where they only have about 24 male first names (one of them is Thomas as it happens) and the family manages, mostly by using nicknames. Even we have done it, we adopted so didn't choose our DC's names but DS happened to already have the same name as DH's DB.

I think calling a child the same first name as your siblings child is a bit off (fine to both use the same middle name eg if is a name that is emotionally important to both of you for the same reason). Couldn't get too upset about cousin's childrens names.

By strangers, maybe. But a family member? Come on, that’s just weird.

I know many boys and men named Thomas. My sons both had 2 each in their primary years and lord knows how many at secondary. For this reason, I’d avoid the name, but if a friend or family member used it, I’d not even consider it.