Everyone naming baby the same as ours!

[Bubble92]

So we recently had a baby boy. We thought long and hard about his name and eventually chose one which is fairly common but there were no others of that name in either of our families across several generations. Let's pretend it was Thomas Jack.
A year later my husband's cousin had a baby and called him Thomas. Now, my husband's extended family is quite close and although they live quite far away we see them quite a bit. I was privately miffed but I'm a reasonable person (i hope!) and obviously don't own the name and it is fairly common so I didn't say anything.
Fast forward to now..another cousin has had a baby boy and called him Thomas Jack. First and middle names the same as our son. Like what? There are other boys names out there! I know it's a great name 😂 but seriously. I'm not going to say anything because I know they are entitled to choose any name, but I do think it's weird.
Now there will be three Thomas's similar ages at family get togethers. I do feel a bit upset about it tbh. Would you be upset?

We’ve had our sons name chosen for years before he was brought into this world, we always said if we had a boy he would be our X.

Surely you would be flexible enough to change it and find another name if circumstances change? Say a notorious person has the same name? Or a close family member is already named this name?

There are SO many names to choose from...!

I have three sets of cousins called Chris and Joe. People are unimaginative, and popular names are popular for a reason.

Pretty much every male in our extended family for three generations is Richard or Robert. No one seems to get worked up over it.

Various nicknames Rob, Bob, Rick, Dick etc; there's no confusion. A couple go by last names eg Laff/Lafferty, Mac etc.

It's not a big deal.

This is something that feels really big when the children are babies and will fade in importance as they age. Everyone will probably adopt a variation of the name or you’ll have Big Tom, little Tom etc. I promise you it will end up probably bonding the boys, not push them further apart.

This. I have had my girls name picked out since I was 10 years old. If someone I knew named their child that name, I would still call my child it. That’s the bottom line.

That's your opinion.

When we got married we agreed that I would name the girls and my husband would name the boys - three girls and 19 years later he got to use his chosen name. We wouldn't have changed it at that point whatever any other boy born in the family was called.

I totally get that and probably would do the same if there was a name I'd been set on for ages. With the first cousin who used it, this was their first son so I understood from that point of view.
However, for the second cousin, this is their second son.

Aww that's a sweet way of looking at it. Thank you. 😊

It used to be really common as children were given family names e.g. paternal grandfather for firstborn son. If it's not a family name then a bit odd. Is it a name with different short forms e.g Tom, Tommy and TJ? Or use a patronym or matronym e.g. Pete's Tom.

Totally agree with you! It is strange!

When DH and I were making a list of potential baby names we originally had a list of around 10 girls names that we liked.

Then we immediately removed two as they were names that had already been used by a cousin..

It’s just a really generic name. People who choose that kind of name are choosing it precisely because it’s so common, so I presume they’re just not thinking in terms of originality?

It’s like those posts getting cross about their friend or SIL ‘copying’ then, and then they list the things they’ve supposedly copied and it’s stuff like calling their child George, or painting their walls Dulux Timeless.

As has already been pointed out - different people have different relationships with their cousins.

I have a set of cousins on one side we are relatively close to, but only saw them (when we were growing up) 2 or 3 times a year. Our cousins on the other side, I've met about 10 time, tops (and we are now all retired).
My sister lives close to me, and my dc and her dc went to the same Nursery and Primary school, same Scout Group, same sports training, and saw each other growing up probably about 3 or 4 times A WEEK when they were growing up. As adults they are all really close and see each other regularly.

Because you don't have a relationship with your cousins, doesn't mean that no-one does.

If you look at the birth stats, a name sitting at around number 50 in popularity would be shared by about 1 in 200 people of the same sex. You’d be unlucky to have a significant number of clashes at school etc.

But they cluster. They are linked to specific demographics so you might get a lot of Thomases and Jacks in one area and Arlos and Djangos in another.

This. If it’s a lovely classic, timeless, popular name in the style of Thomas then I suppose they might have both been set on it for a long time. Or has it been used recently a lot in the media? That often causes an upsurge in a names popularity too.

Either that or they were just thinking “well, they are only second cousins” which in most families sharing names with wouldn’t be a big deal. But it sounds like your DH’s family is unusual and the 2nd cousins are going to see each other a lot - it’s going to have to be “Thomas, Tom and Tommy” at gatherings, so bagsie your choice now! Or I suppose at least your son might be the one called “Big Thomas” - I’ve always felt a bit sorry for the ones still known as “Little Name” once they get older🤣!

That's more outrageous imo

One of my cousins' kids has my Dad's name for his middle name. My son does too. I think it's nice.

First names need to be different though.

Don’t worry too much. I remember how it feels though. My friend named her son after my dog! Or that’s how it felt at the time.

We've got several names replicated in the same small family. I even named DD1 partly with my aunt in mind, and my cousin's son is named for a mutual grandfather. I don't think it's an issue and it is a tradition to pass names on.

It’s just a really generic name. People who choose that kind of name are choosing it precisely because it’s so common

And forgetting the main purpose of a name, namely to identify?

The name isn't Thomas, just to clarify. I just used that in case any cousins use mumsnet!

I think it definitely makes a difference how close you are to your cousins. We are pretty close to them on my husbands side. It wouldn't bother me if one of my cousins used a name because i never see them!

The cousin who has used the whole name my husband actually lived with for a time when they were growing up! And I used to be really good friends with his now wife.

It's interesting hearing everyone's take on this.

I'm not going to say anything to them about it. I value a peaceful family more than a name, but I'm just privately a bit gutted! But also I do understand I don't own a name and it could have been a long standing favourite with them.

I like the idea of referring to my son as the original 'Thomas'.

And the first cousins who used it also have a daughter who's name we really love but didnt use when we had a daughter because of them...so if we have another daughter I feel it's fair game. If you can't beat them, join them. 😂

I can't tell if you're joking, but I genuinely know more primary-aged kids called Arlo than Thomas...

This isn't about cousins though, it's the decendents of cousins where the common ancestor is a Great Grand Parent.