Naming your child something that is difficult to pronounce in English.

[showersandflowers]

I have a foreign name. My parents are European. I'd really like to call my daughter a name from their country that I've always loved.

It's difficult to pronounce in English. This child will almost certainly grow up in the uk and only speak English. Is it cruel to give a name that she will spend her whole life explaining?

I've done it my whole life but I've loved having a unique name that points to my heritage. Thoughts please.

If her whole life is likely to be in the UK it's not fair. There will be plenty of other names to reflect your culture that you can use. Pick one of them.

Remember it's HER name not a reflection of YOUR culture.

I probably wouldn’t, I have an English first name that some people can’t spell or say properly and a surname that is unusual and can be easily misspelt. I actually like my name but if dealing with anyone over the phone etc. I literally nearly always need to spell both parts.

The entire world isn't English. Do you speak the language of your parents? If so, I would teach it to your child. It's a valuable skill and a link to who she is.

I have a name that people who only speak English find difficult to pronounce. It did bother me as a child - and I put up with people Anglicising it for years, because I was too shy to do otherwise, but by the time I was 18 I got over that and simply corrected people. My name is a family name, so I like having that connection. I have given my child another family name, which is also difficult to pronounce in English, but people do their best, which is all you can ask.

No, I wouldn't do this.

My DH is from a different country and we've lived there for 4 years, now moving back to UK.
We have DD1 age 4 and I'm pregnant with DD2 - it was/is really, really important to us with both kids to find names that could be read, understood and spoken easily in both languages.
No special characters or difficult pronunciations which ruled out a lot of names we both loved but we feel strongly that's it's important for our children and their futures. It's not just about us and what we like.

Mine is pretty much impossible to say in English.
...difficult to pronounce in English, but people do their best, which is all you can ask. Some do, but they never get it right. Some don't bother trying, and can seem rude.

Say my name was Grietje, they would probably try to work out how to say it and get it horribly wrong, or they might try to match it to a name they know and say Greeta, Gertie or Gretchen. I've even had 'Why do you say your name is - when it's really Greta?'

If your DH can’t say it properly then no. Presumably anyone he introduces your daughter to will start off with the wrong pronunciation.

There are people who like like having an unusual name but many as on this thread that don’t. I have a name that is relatively easy but still needs spelling and it’s a bit of a pain.

Although we do occasionally have threads about people finding their name boring, I haven’t often seen threads with people with names that work in two languages being unhappy with them, changing them or deliberately shortening them to make life easier.

I am half greek Cypriot and half english and have a Greek middle name which I hated my whole childhood, I used to actively try and avoid others finding out about it and hide my passport/I.D from friends. As an adult I still hate it, mostly because of the way it sounds but I don't care about other people knowing what it is now. I certainly wouldn't choose a foreign name as a first name for a child growing up in the UK given how I felt about my middle name. If it's a beautiful sounding name it might be ok for a middle name, mine sounds harsh and was only chosen to honour a family member.

I don’t think it’s fair to give her a name her own dad can’t pronounce. It’d be different if you were both from that culture but clearly he isn’t and it’s just one of those things I’m afraid. Have it as her middle name.

bursting to know what it is now!

I can think of a few names that are a good example of why they should not be used in an English speaking country - Xavier is one of them, great name but to everyone who is not Spanish its Zavier or Exzavier or f knows what. Why even bother!

Because Xavier is a nice name.

Say my name was Grietje, they would probably try to work out how to say it and get it horribly wrong, or they might try to match it to a name they know and say Greeta, Gertie or Gretchen. I've even had 'Why do you say your name is - when it's really Greta?'

My great-great-grandmother was called Grietje...

It sounds, OP, as if you are in England, not just an English-speaking country, so you are likely to encounter the problems described above. You'd be fine with Dutch names in Scotland! But it sounds like you are accustomed to this yourself and are prepared to assist your daughter through the experience so I'd go for it. We shouldn't have to dumb down our own cultures to accommodate another accent.

Gosh

so many little englanders on this thread - who would have thought that there’s a whole world out there with billions of people who aren’t called Tom, Dick or Harry.

I genuinely don’t care how difficult a name is for other English people. The folks talking about how it’s ‘embarrassing’ or ‘a pain’ for others are morons imo. Other countries, languages, cultures, and customs exist all around our tiny island and we did make quite the point of imposing ourselves on so many of them back in the day through the nasty project of empire, so why the hell shouldn’t we at least try and learn something new? We might find it hard to get it right because our mouths won’t make the sound properly, but sod embarrassment or inconvenience for a reason.

It’s fair and right that you want to consider how it’ll affect your daughter (Dad not being able to pronounce it properly is a problem, but then is he an idiot? Could he learn?), but I wouldn’t give a second thought to how it would affect anyone else.

Rubbish!

I haven't come across one post that says it's a bad idea to give a child a name from a different culture or a different language. Many people have said that's a great thing to do.

What people have pointed out, is that it's genuinely difficult to hear or to pronounce sounds unless you have been regularly exposed to them in early childhood.

If a name contains sounds which aren't present in most British English accents then most English people will be unable to pronounce the name correctly no matter how hard they try; they may not even realise that their pronunciation is incorrect.

The same is true of an English name for speakers of some other languages.

I'm known by a one syllable shortening of my name. It had never crossed my mind that it could possibly be tricky to say but I've had a few people find it tricky when I've been abroad and been talking to someone whose first language isn't English.

As someone with a foreign name I'd say don't do it. I'm forever correcting the pronunciation or spelling of my name. It's tedious and annoying and despite correcting, it's still said or spelt wrong on a daily basis.
Then there's all the 'where's your name from' conversations. I just want to be me. I don't want to go into family background and history all the time.
This is not about you but about your DC. They're the one who's got to live with it.

And just for balance again, I love my foreign name. It has a beautiful meaning, heritage and significance.
I have to spell it out daily but I do not care. I don't want to fit in. I want to be me.

My families names are sometimes difficult to pronounce. DD’s is actually really easy 3 syllables and yet people still struggle. DH just glares at people and says it extremely slowly till people get it. I wouldn’t change any or our names for anyone. Naming a child is important imo, a lot of people name for meaning not just whether it’s easy to pronounce. I don’t much care if someone anglicises Dd’s name, anglicise away, her name is still her name and I pronounce it properly.

I wouldn't choose a name your DH can't pronounce, not least because it sets up a slightly off dynamic at home, let alone outside it.

I have a northern English surname which is mispronounced 95% of the time even by native speakers, despite being phonetically straightforward. Not a huge issue but it's been mildly tedious having to decide whether to correct people (which can be socially awkward), let it go, spell it out, etc. Nearly every single time. Why not use the unusual name for a middle name and let her decide? Or make it a family nickname?

If it works in English pronunciation then I would say it's fine. My DC have foreign names and some of my English relatives completely butcher their names with their accent and pronunciation. Makes me cringe sometimes.

Your child can have as many names as you like. My dc have a first name, 2 middle names and 1 surname. They also have dual nationality, speak both languages and use their names accordingly. It makes life easy for everyone.

To be honest, native people in the UK have problems pronouncing and spelling English names most of the time. My surname is English and isn't exactly difficult but I've had years of people butchering it. It's now got to the point when people ask for my full name or email address, my heart takes a bit of a sink as I've had years of spelling it out. Give your child a break.

I think there’s a difference between people being unwilling to learn the pronunciation of a name which is unacceptable and people being unable to pronounce it. A lot of language and sound acquisition is done in early childhood and if people aren’t exposed to it then, they genuinely either are unable to distinguish it from a another sound they know (which is clearly distinct to a native speaker) or make the sound. I can’t roll my Rs for example. I’ve tried, I’ve watched videos to try to teach me and my mouth just can’t form the sound. Lots of people are unable to pronounce the fricative th if it’s not in their native language. It wouldn’t be ignorant or small minded of them not to be able to pronounce Theo as I would - they simply can’t do it. I wouldn’t give my child a name their other parent genuinely can’t pronounce and if the child is only going to be exposed to English, she might not be able to pronounce properly either.

You'd be fine with Dutch names in Scotland! Yeah, right. All Scottish people know intuitively how to pronounce Dutch names?

I like my name and don't mind spelling it, but it is a PITA.

Tom won't get called Tomb or Tum or whatever. Harry won't get 'That's an unusual name, where is it from?' or 'Harvey/Harley/Henry/Harrey/Harrie'.

If you haven't lived it, you won't know what it is like.

I think that unless you are going to immerse your child in their heritage with very regular visits to her grandparents, lengthy holidays there and a passport in your nationality, speak to her in dutch/flemish etc, then I think it is unfair. She is a generation removed again from her grandparents and is unlikely to really identify as Dutch [?] without significant support from you.

I am not an English national and don't visit home very regularly. I don't observe national celebrations or speak my home language. My kids very much identify as English and an Irish name would grate on them I think as they really don't see themselves as half Irish. Entirely my own fault and I deliberately didn't give them Irish or anglicised Irish names out of sentiment. I've chosen to live here, bring them up here with minimal contact with my home country and I think I need to own that.

I'm not saying call your DC something like Leo or Eva, I'm saying read what we are posting and accept that we are saying it for a reason.