Family dont like our name choices

[Cosyreader1]

Hello..I'm a first-time mum to be. We've chosen not to find out the gender of our baby but have picked names for both. Ive found I've had mixed reactions which I don't mind (I know not everyone has the same taste) but it's knocked me a little that my family aren't keen on the boys name we've picked. The name is Toby, which I don't think is particularly out there or unusual. I don't think this will lead us to change it as it's our baby but just wondered how other people have dealt with similar situations?

I love Toby but would probably pick Tobias in the hope they'll get a Knighthood one day 🤣

Why did everyone in your immediate family get input into your DC's name? Surely that's only for the parents to decide?

They'll get over it. It's not their baby. If I could do it all over again I wouldn't have told anyone our names because my mam had a proper melt when she found out we were giving my daughter a name with the typical Norwegian spelling rather than the more common westernised spelling (husband is Norwegian and it was important to him). Daughter is 16 now and I'd say my mam is mostly over it 🙃

Toby is a lovely name.

Our DGS is 9mths old. DS2 and DDIL didn’t find out what sex he was until he was born, but they did tell us the names they’d chosen. Unless it was something that I thought would get the child bullied at school then I’d have kept my mouth shut even if I didn’t like it. It’s not my business at the end of the day. I do love his name, it’s not common but not out there.

I remember being pregnant with DS1 and every time we said a name, someone would have an opinion or reason as to why we couldn’t use it so in the end we chose the two we loved and kept quiet.

Use Toby @Cosyreader1 if you love it. Congratulations on becoming on mummy btw.

Toby's lovely and was on my shortlist with my first baby (who was a girl so didn't get that name). It's nobody else's business. Tell them to mind their own.

Wow. I would literally have nothing to do with my PILs after that.

I love the name Toby.

Keep your names preferences between you and your partner - always. Don’t tell anyone else until after the birth. You then introduce them to baby Toby or whatever and it’s simply baby’s name.

We named our children after they were born and with DS my dad pulled such a face when we told him! He then repeated the name in a tone of disgust. He got over it though.

Not their baby is it.

Carry on and ignore them.

Tell them you've changed your mind and he's going to be called Sonny or Jaxxon, then "Toby" will come as a relief.

I really want to know what the name was that she wanted a family meeting about!

It’s a perfectly fine name. For some reason people seem to think it’s fine to comment negatively about names if the baby hasn’t been born yet. They’re less likely to do this if the baby is born and has already been given the name, so it might have been better to keep the names to yourself. Your family will likely grow to love the name once they start associating it with your baby. My mum said she didn’t like my son’s name when I was pregnant. She now swears she never said that and it’s one of her favourite names. She loves my son and associates that name with him so much that she’s forgotten she ever didn’t like it.

It isn't their business and they should not have commented. Choose the name you like, not what they prefer.

I didn't say I word because my mum would have had an opinion whatever the name, even if I faked her not to she would have given a look or made a face.

But she knows not to do that once the deed is done!

Not much help to you now but my god people are predictable aren't they!

@OriginalSkang I really can't say as it's so outing! I think he was the only person with that name born in the UK for several years.
Basically my in-laws are Indian (I'm not) and we chose an Indian name, partly to please them. I chose my favourite Indian name from a website but had no idea the name was a bit out there for Indians. I suppose it's the equivalent of calling a British child River, Forest or Rain. They wanted a more conventional name.

ThanksHunPenneys

I know I didn't have to discuss it with my family but I wanted to. I didn't like thinking they might hate the name.

This is about YOUR family and your child, first and foremost.
They can like it or lump it.

My mum was really cross when we chose Thomas (Tom). She wanted Sebastian. It wouldn't have suited him!

Thanks everyone for your replies so far, they've all been really positive about the name which is lovely! Sounds like my family not being keen is mild in comparison to some experiences 🙈 will definitely take everyone's advice not to share with anyone else or at all for any future babies though!

People deal with it by not telling people. Not everything need to be announced and discussed publicly. Just like with relationship issues, parenting choices are best kept to yourself as people invited into them form opinions.

If you announce it publicly people will have public opinions, thats just how everything works. You specifically invited them into a conversation and they have it.

It is factually not anyone's name yet, no forms have been completed so people often don't think twice about commenting in a discussion on how they don't like it or wouldn't choose it.

Some will even comment after baby is born and named, however most hold back a bit at that point so it much less unwanted criticism (which will inevitably only hurt your feelings).

We have a Toby who is 2
It's a lovely name 🥰

My mother tried this shit with my kids

I shut her down by saying she'd had her turn with her own children and she wasn't getting a say in my children's names

My brother and his wife then had a baby and she tried to have full say in their choices too

They told her to wind her neck back in
(which she took badly) and refused to tell anyone what his name was until they'd had him

Then my son and his girlfriend fell pregnant-she tried to start,but I'd had a word and warned them,so they shut her down

They chose a name (prefectly normal,not to my taste but not my choice) and she hated it

Bad mouthed the name to everyone about how crap it was (people either put her straight or where too polite to tell her it wasn't her choice)

Baby was born and she suddenly claimed to love it and how she'd helped to choose it!

People are batshit-the only response should be 'oh!that's a lovely name...'

But they will love the baby, so will grow to love the name even if they don't at first hearing.

Toby is a fine name OP.

This is why you don't tell anyone your chosen names in advance.