Exclusion

[ThisCandidGoose]

There are so many thread of "It's up to the parents" regarding names and so it is, but this is a plea for consideration. We have a son in law from a different culture and our newly born grandchild has been given three names, two from his Indian culture and a name which is Greek in origin. We are a Celtic family and that tradition is present in all our names.
When my daughter told us the proposed name I pointed out that nothing represented our heritage. This was greeted with hysterics about spoiling her happiness in the name she had chosen. She did not offer to include another name and has gone ahead with her choice.
We are privately beyond upset. The feelings of being rejected run deep when we thought we had such a close loving family relationship. Of course we are getting on with it, but deep down we are devastated with sadness.

It's her choice to name her child though. You should have no involvement if she does not want it. Obviously, it would have been nice for your heritage to be taken in but she does not owe you anything at all. I don't blame her for being upset

It's extremely rude to comment negatively on a baby's name.

This is a huge overreaction on your part. Your daughter shouldn't be made to feel she's done anything wrong here because she hasn't.

Isn’t it their choice? I would have been really upset if my family had criticised my name choices.

Can you be certain your dd had any say?

The fact that she was in "hysterics" and you were "beyond upset" makes we wonder if this is about more than a baby name?

I think you’re massively catastrophising and making a mountain out of a molehill.

There are plenty of ways to teach your grandchild about your heritage and culture apart from them being given a traditionally Celtic name. Maybe focus on that rather than being upset over the name and in turn upsetting your daughter.

I don't get the random Greek name though. Is it Leonidas?

Maybe your daughter feels comfortable enough and deeply rooted enough in her heritage to understand that she doesn’t need to reflect that in her child’s names. Maybe she just likes the other names better.

I’d focus on keeping a good relationship with your daughter so that you’ll be able to be part of the baby’s heritage - which is far more than just a name.

Did you tell her you expected her to name her child something from your heritage beforehand or something?

I just don't get it

Plus - the only acceptable response to being told proposed baby names is “lovely”, unless it’s basically a rude word or something, or they are genuinely asking for your help to choose between options.

This has racist undertones?

Why on earth would you comment on your grandchild's name? It's nothing to do with you 🤷‍♀️

You need to apologise to your dd and hope she forgives you.

Did you expected baby to be named after your husband or other family member? In some cultures, parents honor husband family first with name (e.g. Greek), so she might be pressured by her husband to honor his family first. Or she just couldn't see baby being named same as people she knew (her husband might feel different).
When it comes to Greek name, would you be willing to share the name? Maybe it's mythological and was chosen because it's mythological.

So, I assume they chose an Indian first name, the father’s Indian surname, and a “Greek-origin” name like Alexander as a middle name. Sounds fine, and normal.

Honestly, you shouldn't have said anything.

It's also a bit over the top to say you're devastated deep down with sadness over the name of a child that isn't yours. Your "heritage" is in the genes your daughter has passed to your grandchild, not in a random assortment of letters you deem "Celtic".

None - none - of your business! Are you insane?

I understand your daughter very well. And yes, you ruined the parents' joy of naming their child blaming them it's not a name to your standard.

I wouldn't have talked to my mother for a very long time if I was met like this as a new mum.

If you want a positive relationship with your daughter, her husband and grandchild you make apologies and mind your own things in future.

Frankly OP, as PPs have said, your comment was mean and you are reading far too much into this. Just because your grandchild doesn't have a Celtic name doesn't make him any less Celtic in origin - he can be proud of his Celtic heritage with an Indian (and Greek) name.

What's a "Celtic" family?
...whistles innocently...

Your daughter has started her own family. The names she and her husband, as a couple, chose to bestow on their baby are up to them to decide. Are you envious of the influence of her husband, the baby's father?

I think you were out of order, and you should apologise for pissing on your daughter's chips.

We are a Celtic family and that tradition is present in all our names

Quite frankly, this is one of the most preposterous and least self aware statements I have ever read here on Mumsnet, and that's saying something.

Your daughter has her own family now, her own identity to forge, and her own child, whose identity she and her husband can shape however they wish.

You obviously have a right to feel what you feel, but I do think you need to apologise OP- or at least tell her you didn’t mean to upset her and you’ll butt out now. Youve already had your chance to name your children and your daughter now has a chance to name hers - and obviously she unfortunately isn’t as keen on Celtic picks. It’s a shame SIL has managed to wangle 2 names from his heritage in (plus the surname?) , but presumably your DD at least chose the Greek one?

I understand grandparents who worry about something like their grandkids being picked on because of their name (especially because that was much more prevalent in past generations than it generally is now) - but its not worth upsetting your daughter over something as minor as a name tradition imo. Most traditions fade out eventually - what would you have done if she chose not to even have children in the first place?

You sound absurdly controlling. Wow.

Oh hang on -- is it because the name isn't white enough?

It's your DD and SiLs baby and their choice of name entirely
Heritage can be taught, whatever the name.
Apologise to your DD and back off

So she told you her child’s name, you were rude, and then you’ve made her the problem by saying she was ‘in hysterics’ which is very rude and patronising to say, and quite hypocritical since it sounds like you are the one being very dramatic about a name. You had your chance to name your children following the traditions and preferences you had. This is hers. If she is happy leave her alone or your need to be noticed in the child’s name is likely to damage your relationship and access to the child. What’s more important to you.

It does sound a bit like that...