Exclusion

[ThisCandidGoose]

There are so many thread of "It's up to the parents" regarding names and so it is, but this is a plea for consideration. We have a son in law from a different culture and our newly born grandchild has been given three names, two from his Indian culture and a name which is Greek in origin. We are a Celtic family and that tradition is present in all our names.
When my daughter told us the proposed name I pointed out that nothing represented our heritage. This was greeted with hysterics about spoiling her happiness in the name she had chosen. She did not offer to include another name and has gone ahead with her choice.
We are privately beyond upset. The feelings of being rejected run deep when we thought we had such a close loving family relationship. Of course we are getting on with it, but deep down we are devastated with sadness.

If my dc needed to have a name from each of their heritages, they'd have to have at least four.

We gave them one each. It was hard enough finding two names which were pronounceable and didn't sound like something rude in any of the relevant languages...

What a lot of drama over nothing. It's a name. It's not like they are naming the kid Bubbles (even that would have been their choice)

DH and I are a mixed heritage couple and we haven't even given our parents a second thought when brainstorming names. Why would we?

'Devastated with sadness'? You can't be serious.

My parents gave me a name from Greek mythology despite no connection to Greece at all simply because they liked it. So what?

Our first born has a name from DH's heritage that is also a name in the UK (albeit not particularly common). Her middle name is Persian but used fairly widely in the UK.
For this baby, we are looking at similar names that are used in both countries. My favourite middle name at the moment is originally Greek but a well known name in the UK.

We just choose the names we like. As other posters have said, culture and heritage is about way more than a name.

Quite simply- you need to get over yourself.

You are all beyond dramatic! Get a grip FGS

Is that a whiff of racism I smell? Stop turning the birth of a grandchild into some weird culture power struggle.

So sad. Instead of rejoicing in the birth of your lovely grandchild you are picking fights. Which frankly have racist undertones.
I'm sorry you are so bitter & negative.

The parents chose the names. They are their children. I'm sorry you're hurt, offended and feel excluded but your feelings aren't relevant because it's not your business . I'm sure they thought long and hard about names. You need to take a step back and support your child otherwise you may find yourself excluded from their lives.

A friend originally from a different country has DC with her ex-husband, who she gets on OK with. Their children have 'English/White British' names (think Susan, Stephen and Sarah Smith type names).

She regrets giving them names that don't reflect their mixed heritage.
The DC no longer live in the UK, they live in their DM's home country and follow the local culture and religion.

An acquaintance has 4 DC. 3 with her XH, with very 'Celtic' names (think Ciara, Padraig and Fionnuala O'Brien type names), and the 4th child has a child with a name from a completely different culture. It seems weird. They live in the mother's rural 'Celtic' village and speak the 'Celtic' language with each other.

A friend wrinkled his nose when saying what his new DN was called. MN would describe the name as 'ch*v'. The name is a surname-as a-first-name one and is probably in the top 50 baby boys' names.

It's OK to mind, but not to directly say so, I guess. Damned if you do, damned if you don't, IMO.

NB. I've changed some of the details so as not to inadvertently identify anyone.

You’re being SO unreasonable it’s actually unbelievable. She probably just chose names that she loved. It’s lovely when you have a DP from a different culture and you’re able explore and use beautiful names that are new to you/you wouldn’t have been able to use otherwise. It’s not all about reflecting cultures?!!! You need to apologize. It does sound like you’ve ruined something really special by being petty and making it all about you.

@Katielovesteatime , and when the DP has buggered off with an OW, your child has a name that is only from his culture, which isn't yours or the child's.

and when the DP has buggered off with an OW....

Really, that's your comment? Sounds like you're projecting to me

Do you know how many commonly used names in the UK originate from other countries, heritages, religions?..... you have zero idea what any of the names used are, or if they are 'only' from 'his culture" (which bearing in mind is half the child's culture too regardless of if the parents stay together long term).

Some of these comments really do have glaring racial undertones.

Not projecting at all, @sel2223 . I've given examples of when this has happened to people I know.
Baby in each case was named according to the father's culture - both first name and surname. Both sets of children live in the mother's home country and according to the mother's culture/language/religion.

Some of these comments really do have glaring racial undertones.
In both my examples, race does come into it. The father's culture took precedence. The mothers were Muslim and Christian respectively.

Seriously? Get a grip. She probably picked names she liked the sound of- I didn't choose a Welsh name for my daughter because there weren't any that we both liked enough.

Oh well, sounds like you're the expert then and anyone else, including the OP's daughter, will end up exactly like the two people you know of!

Oh, and of course, anyone in a mixed heritage relationship who dares to use the father's surname and a name they like from his culture must be oppressed. Never mind that they like the name and mutually agree on it, it's obviously a case of the father's heritage taking precedence!

Give me strength!

So when she's distressed it's hysterics and when you're upset it's beyond upset?

You do realise it's entirely their right to name their baby?

Oh dear, OP, don’t you know that on MN the daughter or DIL is always right, and that you should grovel before their mightiness?

Maybe you should compound your wicked entitlement when it comes to free childcare and please yourself. Hung for a sheep….

@sel2223 , not an expert. I also know couples who have given their children names along the lines of Jack/Amelia Patel or Arjun/Priya Roberts.

I might be a bit put out if my DD had named her child something like Diego Stavros Fernandez Garcia if we were Swedish, which is pretty much like OP's situation.

But it wouldn't be your place to be 'put out', that's the point.

This

its just a name

But at the same time, MN would be down the throats of any mums on here complaining the grandparents weren't offering 'free childcare' and calling them out for their sense of entitlement (and rightly so).

In this case, the OP's daughter is right. She's had a child and chosen a name that she and her husband both like.
It's their child, which also applies to looking after said child and not just expecting that others will be there offering their childcare services for free!

@sel2223 , Of course it would. You can't dictate to me how I feel about my grandchild's name.

OP is "privately beyond upset. The feelings of being rejected run deep when we thought we had such a close loving family relationship. Of course we are getting on with it, but deep down we are devastated with sadness."
OK, "devastated by sadness" is a bit strong but she feels the way she does, and I am trying to see it from her point of view.

You really need to back off, OP. It's really nothing to do with you.
I have 5 DC with a mixed bag of names. DH and I both have a British parent and an Eastern European parent, but didn't give a thought to heritage or background when naming our DC.

My mum wouldn't give an opinion on potential names, even when I asked!

Sorry. I can't comprehend feeling 'beyond upset', 'rejected', 'devastated by sadness' over what someone else calls their baby.

No, i can't dictate how someone else feels but sometimes a reaction is so completely over the top and unreasonable and should be called out as such, not apologised for. Emotions may be running high but this isn't a normal response when a gorgeous new Grandchild has entered the world.

...and the feelings haven't been kept private, she's told her daughter how she feels and her daughter was 'hysterical' over it.

Oh come on now, they could have called the child Gearóidín, like me. Then you'd be bloody well upset!

When you say 'Celtic family', just how Scottish/Irish is she? My ma was Irish, I don't feel in the slightest bit Irish at all. Not even on St. Patrick's Day. Perhaps your daughter feels the same? In any case, you've had your turn at baby naming, now it is your daughter's. She is free to choose any name she pleases. She's hardly 'excluded' anybody now, has she?