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Original poster

Name dilemma - should I change 20 month old DS's name?

229 replies

CeilingCat · 14/04/2008 09:10

This has been preying on my mind for a while now, so I thought I'd run it past the MN jury.

DS as a very unusual (but not 'unique') name. I really love it, BUT no one else does. We always call him by an abbreviation of his name (the abbreviation is quite commonplace) and I now dread people asking me what it's short for. I'm not a 'wacky' person, and I hate confrontation, and I find it hard to deal with the negative reactions.

So, DH and I have been talking about changing his name, either to his abbreviated name, or to another name which could (at a bit of a stretch) be abbreviated to the same nick name.

Hmmm this is sounding complicated isn't it? I don;t want to give the actual names cos it would out me to any RL mates, but here's an approximate equivalent:

DS birth name 'Albus'
Nick name 'Albie'
Possible name change 'Archibald'

THESE ARE NOT THE ACTUAL NAMES, BUT THEY ARE THE BEST EQUIVALENTS I CAN THINK OF.

DH thinks we should just change his name to his nick name, but I'm just not sure. I don't like the idea of him being 'Albie' as an official name IYSWIM.

DH thinks it would be weird to change his name to 'Archibald' as the abbreviation to 'Albie' is too contrived.

We never actually call him 'Albus' and we would probably rarely call him 'Archibald', but I think 'Archibald' is going to serve him better in the future than either 'Albus' or 'Albie'.

Still with me? Whaddya think??

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edam · 14/04/2008 09:12

Unless it's something really awful, I'd leave the official name and just continue to call him by his nickname tbh. Does it matter what his birth cert. says if you use the abbreviation in everyday life, and tell school, playgroup etc. etc that he's Albie?

ChipButty · 14/04/2008 09:14

Leave his real name as it is and just call him by his nickname. He may want to use his real name when he is older. It can't be that bad and who cares what other people think?

WanderingTrolley · 14/04/2008 09:14

I think everyone should shut the fk up and you should stick with the name you love.

Don't change his name - you will never find a name that everyone approves of and I think you will regret changing it.

Unless you change it to Archibald, which is a fabulous name.

No one else's business but yours. Don't change his name (unless it's Shirley)

Original poster
CeilingCat · 14/04/2008 09:15

edam - that's what I thought originally, but I'm worried about things like school registers and job interviews where he might be forcibly 'outed'.

OP posts:
hannahsaunt · 14/04/2008 09:16

Hardly anyone need know the official name - we use ds1's middle name as the name we call him by every day and as he gets older the fewer people know that he has another 'first' name. I would just leave it (and he might thank you for having a v cool name he can opt to use when he's older).

GooseyLoosey · 14/04/2008 09:17

Doesn't matter if no one likes his given name. Would only consider changing it if for some reason I thought there would be negative connotations associated with it.

Tigerschick · 14/04/2008 09:17

I agree with everyone else so far.
Don't change his name. The majority of schools etc ask what you want your child to be known by so you can tell them the nick-name and he can keep his full name until a time when he feels he wants to use it.
You say you love it, so stick with it.

lulumama · 14/04/2008 09:18

am in the process of changing DDs name to her nickname ( see my name for a clue!) she has no idea her real name ,is her real name, school will only register her under the name on her birth certificate, but it is not her name, IFYSWIM. if she does not like it when she is older, she has a perfectly good middle name she can use, or she can change it to whatever she wants !

slightly different situation,but doing it to make life easier

Original poster
CeilingCat · 14/04/2008 09:25

Hmmm I posted his name on MN a year or so ago, and the criticism was fairly harsh

I've just got to a point where so many people have sneered at it that I'm doubting myself.

It does have connotations, but not IMO negative at all. This is one of the main thing that critical folk mention. It's a but like the association of 'Albus' with Harry Potter. Dumbledore is a good character, but people are likely to make wizardy jokes.

OP posts:
lulumama · 14/04/2008 09:26

what is his name? you can whisper

WanderingTrolley · 14/04/2008 09:29

Lulumama why are you changing your dd's name?

lulumama · 14/04/2008 09:30

becasue no-one calls her by her 'real' name and she does not know it is her name. so it seems a bit pointless to have everything official in a name she does not recognise, and for everyone to call her something else.

lulumama · 14/04/2008 09:32

it is not her nickname now, it is her real name, people do her birthday cards etc to that name, her xmas cards from her little friends at playgroup were in that name, etc. etc. and more importantly , she does not recognise her 'real' name as her own.

Original poster
CeilingCat · 14/04/2008 09:32

LM shall I CAT you, and you can confirm whether or not my equivalents are way off?

OP posts:
Psychomum5 · 14/04/2008 09:32

if you really are worried, yet still love the name, why don't you make it so that it goes as his MIDDLE name, give him maybe his current middle name as his first, yet still use his nickname as his 'known-as' name IYGWIM.

that way, he gets to keep his names, you also still get to use the names that you clearly love, and then for forms etc he just uses his first and surname......ignoring his middle (many people do this already).

if anyone asks about his nickname, just tell then that that is the name you like, but his real name is 'such-n-such'.

Original poster
CeilingCat · 14/04/2008 09:34

psychmum - that's not a bad idea at all. I'll run it past DH!

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Original poster
CeilingCat · 14/04/2008 09:35

oops I omitted your 'O'

OP posts:
lulumama · 14/04/2008 09:35

if you like ! am off out in a bit, so might not respond till later

names are a big dilemma,aren;t they>

Original poster
CeilingCat · 14/04/2008 09:37

OK - have CATed.

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WanderingTrolley · 14/04/2008 09:39

Oh I see lulumama.

I'm assuming her real name isn't anything like her nickname - ie she hasn't gone from Elizabeth to Lizzie, but from Victoria to Daisy, or something. I can see the sense in that.

lulumama · 14/04/2008 09:41

it is not that dissimilar but not the nickname and name combo you would expect IFYSWIM

Original poster
CeilingCat · 14/04/2008 09:43

lol at your sweetly restrained response LM. The abbreviation is too contrived isn't it?

OP posts:
hatrick · 14/04/2008 09:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Psychomum5 · 14/04/2008 09:45

I hope it does work out for you......names are such a personal choice, and if others criticise and can seem like a slur on your personality in a way......(well, so it seems to me at least).

I also find that after time, even of the name doesn't sit well with you to start with, the child soon 'becomes' that name and any other just would NOT suit them IYGWIM.

my DS2 has a name (Jacob) that was not even a consideration for me or DH when we were expecting him, and then when he was born his name literally just popped into my head. Now, for me, it wasn;t a name I particularly liked, yet it seemed the right one. I even called him by him initials for the first 6mths as I was so unsure, and yet now I couldn;t even imagine him as the name were going to use. He just is Jacob!

Original poster
CeilingCat · 14/04/2008 09:49

hatrick - I wasn't at all unsure when we named him, but I was unrealistic about other peoples attitudes. I honestly thought other people would like it. But generally they don't.

NN would stand up as a name in its own right.

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